THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XX, Issue 1598, 3 April 1879, Page 4

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

There ia probably no place on the face of the known globe where testimonials aro so popular as in Canterbury, A short while ago, if a fellow shitted from Hereford street to Cashel street his acquaintances rallied round with a presentation and appropriate remarks, particulars of which were duly recorded in the local columns of the daily papers. During the time I have been a regular peruser of your valuable journal I reckon I hare learned the particulars of 5000 presentations in connection with the virtues and good qualities of those who happened to be the fortunate recipients, but I never came across one to equal the beneath, which appears in the form of an advertisem-nt regularly in your columns: —“To Professor Q-usscott, George street, Dunedin. Sir,—l am happy to present you with a worm twenty-five yards long. When I came to you you told me you could cure me in two days. I was rather doubtful, but bearing you were rather hasty, I dare not tell you that I doubted your ability to cure me, as I was told that if I did so you would probably refuse to treat me. But I am happy to say that I overcame my scruples, and having placid myself unreservedly under your care, you have completely cured me, as the slight donation in the shape of the Tapeworm, which accompanies this, amply proves. I am, yours respectfully, Alexander McPherson. North-east Yalley, January 30th, 1879.” One is puzzled which to admire most, the unmistakable gratitude of the Macpherson, or the manner in which ho expresses it. Professor Gusscott certainly possesses twenty-five yards of the most original presentation in the world. A telegram in the columns of a contemporary informs us that the New Guinea coast is unsettled. Messrs Irons and Wills, traders, were murdered at Cloudy Bay. The natives found Irons ill with fever on the beach, and speared and decapitated him, and killed Wills while cooking. The victims were then eaten by the natives. A Chinese junk was attacked; three natives were killed and a chief wounded. “ Unsettled ” is good. It is such a pleasant airy word to use under such circumstances and I recommend the expression to your Northern telegraphic agents. The Auckland “ Free Lance ” has a column every week on church music in which the performances of the various church choirs are reported as critically »s a concert would be. In the notice before me the critic wrote thus “ Alma ”to the 74th hymn, was a good tune spoiled. There were neither bass, tenor, nor alto heard, nothing but a harsh rough treble, lead by a broken male voice. It was no use trying to dwell on the sublimity of ideas contained in the poetry, the music (?) prevented the possibility of such.”

This is rather rough on the choir, but how if the editor of the “ Free Lance ” were to improve on his idea and give instructions to his ecclesiastical reporter to give his views on the morning’s discourse and the behaviour of the audience—congregation, I should say. There might ho some useful articles written here, even in this connection, more especially with regard to the last item. Apropos of choirs, a gentleman was brought up recently before the Foxton Resident Magistrate on a charge of horsestealing. li e put in a testimonial to character, to the effect that he had been for nine years a member of a church choir ; that ho possessed a very fair tenor voice ; and that he would be an acquisition to any church choir. Ho was acquitted, and the “ Manawatu Herald,” in alluding to the fact, is certainly quite right in saying that it would have been quite a pity to see a young man with a fine tenor voice wasting his sweetness upon an audience of gaol birds. So it would. "When a man gets off for horse-stealing, I do like to see such really good extenuating circumstances.

In one of the North Canterbury townships au innocent and unassuming Maori (it seems rather anomalous but such is my informant’s description of the gentleman) had been for some time in the habit of dealing with the local storekeeper. The aboriginal got an impression that he was being had, and purchased a Ready Reckoner. Thus on the occasion of his next squaring up with the storekeeper he was triumphantly enabled, as ho thought, to point out several errors in the account. “Oh,” said the astute tradesman, who knew there was not the slightest use in arguing with his dusky customer, “You’ve made a mistake, Jimmy, that's last year's Ready Reckoner.” The Maori, admitting the justice of the argument, left sadly. I see by advertisement that a meeting of those interested in the formation of a Masonic Lodge (on Good Templar principles), was to be held on Wednesday evening at the Prince of Wales Hotel. From the trysting place selected, I should judge that however successfully the Lodge might have been started, there was no certainty about the prineiples. The feelings of Mr Fox (I mean the landlord of the Prince of Wales Hotel, not the temperance reformer), may perhaps be more easily imagined than described. It's hard to have one’s faith shattered, and one’s favorite illusions swept ruthlessly away. Thus it was that I read with pain a paragraph which recently appeared in your columns in reference to what may be termed the kaleidoikopio behaviour of the Municipal portraits in the City Council chamber. It would appear from the local in question that the likeness of the Patres Consoripti are like the images of the festive showman, “ Sometimes you see them, and sometimes yon don’t.” This is not as it should be. I presume the portraits are, so to speak, city property, and assuming this to be the case, they should be looked at in the light of a national gallery rather than a series of dissolving views, Mr Haskins, you should see to this.

From an American paper, which contains many others quite as well worth quotation, L select the beneath :

“ Wanted —A Lady of fine address will find lucrative employment if she is a good solicitor, and is not afraid to work, by calling on A. L. Bancroft and Co., 721 Market street.”

Now what is it Bancroft wants, and what is the meaning of the word “ solicitor ” in this case.

“Timuka ” Febery Bth 1879

“ I saw your adarvetisment in This Days Paper. I now I would But you as Far as making The Morter and Oaring It up Stairs or Lador—l now how mak any kind of Morter I have Oarerecters From Plasterers If you can give me a Longe Jobe Sow much The Batter. If you A.nser—Thia Pleas Say How Long you! want a Laberor I remain yours truly

“ Pleas Adress Roman Otlick Preast, Timuka.”

I publish the above letter, which was picked up by a friend of mine, I believe in the street, not to chaff the gentleman who con “ mak any kind of Morter,” but merely to show how exceedingly convenient it would be were the phonetic system of spelling introduced here. The letter is a bit crooked on the spell according to our present notions, but it would be so much nicer if every man could, so to speak, spell on his own account. So much nicer, I mean, for many men here holding leading positions, whose orthography is, matters stand now, to say the least of it, peculiar. So much nicer for so many of the rising generation, who, I’m afraid, with the number of high-toned subjects they have to tackle, will have to make spelling a very secondary consideration. I make ajprosent of the suggestion to the Board of Education with heart-felt satisfaction.

The following interesting statement is from the ‘ Bankruptcy Gazette “Lou Four, of Invercargill, cook. Liabilities —Mee Gang, £4 0s 6d ; Twong Sing Wing, £6 4s ; Lou Sheer, £3 10s ; Sam Kee, £5 ; Sam Gling Sing, £6 8s 6d ; Hung Lung, Chung Dung, and Wing Ou You, £32 6s; John Yamblyn, £4 10s ; James Taylor and Co., £9 12s ; Robert Aitkin, £1 8s 6d ; total, £72 19s 6d, Assets—Wearing apparel, £10.” 1 rather misdoubt Lou’s wearing apparel being worth £lO ; but, assuming his valuation to bo a correct one, I consider his assets are really very good indeed. There are any amount of us here who wouldn’t out up half as well.

The telegram# are usually supposed to be the sensational part journal. Occasion-

ally they aro a bit short of thrills. For instance, I cannot get up anything approaching to a squirm over the following which comes from a Northern metropolis—“At a meeting of the Young Men’s Christian Association the report stated that the institution was out of debt.” Similarly with regard to the following “Adelaide, March 26. “ Breadstuffs have a downward tendency.” I have observed this fact in connection with breadstuffs in many places besides Adelaide, especially at our boardinghouse. During a recent discussion in the City Council on the subject of outdoor entertainments in the city, Cr. Cass observed that the ventriloquist who last Saturday night drew thousands of people in the square, kept hundreds of pounds out of tradesmen’s pockets. I thought a conclusion was arrived at some time since in this city that Saturday night shopping was a mistake from a moral point of view ; in which case the ventriloquist was doing the employees, whose interests we hear so much of, but who never seem to improve, a good turn. That Mr Cass himself was nearly killed by a pulley machine, was certainly a much stronger argument against such amusements. What should we have done without him? NEWS B Y THE MAIL. <► GERMAN TABIEE PROPOSALS. A proposal has been laid before the Tariff Commission, with the approval of Prince Bismarck, for the taxation of agricultural produce imported into Germany. It is that a duty shall be levied by the hundred weight, rye paying twenty-five pfennigs, or about threepence; barley, oats and wheat, fifty pfennigs, or about sixpence ; the duty to be charged upon live beasts is twenty pfennigs (twopence halfpenny) upon cattle, and a mark (a shilling) upon horses. The Commission has adjourned the debate upon this proposal, desiring to postpone its decision until it has heard the arguments to be brought forward by those in favor of the motion. It has called upon the mover, acting on behalf of the Imperial Chancellor, to state such arguments in full. THE STRIKES. The men employed in eighteen of the London engineering firms turned out on Feb. 7th on strike against the proposed reduction in their wages. In many cases the men who have struck are non-society men ; but these, although they have no claim upon the union, get indirect help, as the non-society men did in the strike of 1871. According to reports received by the Amalgamated Society of Engineers, the number of men on strike does not exceed 1600. The total number of men employed in the London engineering trade not in any way affected by the reduction is estimated at from 8000 to 9000. These engineers have, through their delegates, expressed to the society their conviction that, apart from feelings of sympathy with the men on strike, they will be obliged, in order to keep up the standard of their own wages, to subscribe weekly to the support of the men who are out, and if they do that to half the amount which is likely to be saved to them by those who are resisting the reduction, a sufficient sum would be raised to give a good weekly allowance to the whole of the men who aro on strike. The strike in the cotton trade appears also to be spreading. All the operatives at the mill of Messrs Birley, and two other mills at Kirkham, near Blackburn, have resolved to strike against a reduction of 10 per cent on their wages. In the Ashton-under-Lyne district the operative weavers are bent on striking, and are backed up by their leaders. The secretaries of the unions all over Lancashire have met and passed a resolution advising the men to resist to the utmost. Should a strike take place the employers will, it is said, probably resort to a lock out. The Dundee millworkers struck on Monday, but in accordance with the recommendation of the Millworkers’ Protective Association, the bulk of them returned to their employment at the proposed reduction of 5 per cent. On Tuesday strikes also occurred in the building trade in several districts. MISCELLANEOUS. An inquiry has been held into the loss of the Schiehallion. The learned Commissioner, in giving judgment, said they were of opinion that the master had shown a want of care and vigilance in the navigation of his vessel, and not using the lead. They had taken into consideration the high character which the master had borne, but they felt it their duty to suspend his certificate for six months. They did not think that the evidence was sufficient to justify them in saying that there had been negligence in not sounding the fog horn at St. Catherine’s earlier. They were of opinion that it was the duty of the mate to have seen that the lead was used, but they would not deal with his certificate, which would be returned to him. Mr H. B, Leatham, of New Zealand, has passed an examination, at Apothecaries’ Hali, in the science and practice of medicine, and received a certificate to practise. He has also been admitted a member of the Royal College of Burgeons. At the meeting on February 7th of the New Zealand Loan and Mercantile Agency Company (Limited), the report, which was adopted, showed that the net profit for the year 1878, inclusive of £3548 brought forward from the preceding year, after deducting all expenses, interest, commissions, and income tax, writing off stationery and furniture, and making ample provision for all bad and doubtful debts, amounted to £58,091, from which a dividend was declared at the rate of 10 per cent, per annum, and a bonus of 5 per cent., £20,000 was added to the reserve fund, and £3824 carried forward.

A New Kind of Coal.—The owners of the Dovenbury Colliery, near Dearham, have discovered a rattler of coal, such as has never been previously seen in Cumberland. It can be lighted with a candle, and burns with amazing rapidity and clearness, leaving behind scarcely any ash. Some idea of the quality of this coal can be obtained from the fact that at present it sells readily for gas-making at 24s per ton. At a meeting of the Turkish and Greek Commissioners, held at Prevesa on February Bth, Mukhtar Pasha stated that his instructions forbade him to enter into a discussion of the basis of negotiations proposed by the Hellenic delegates, and pointed out that the protocol of the Berlin Congress relating to the Turko-Greek question proposed direct negotiations between the two Governments for an amicable arrangement of the frontier question. The Hellenic Commissioners refused to negotiate on any other basis than that originally proposed, and they have now been recalled.

The Irish University question is still to the fore. It is hinted that it has occupied a good deal of the attention of Government at recent Cabinet Councils; and on February 3rd it seems the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland had an interview on the subject with three Roman Catholic bishops in Dublin. The interview is represented as having been conducted in a friendly and moderate spirit; and, though the bishops asserted the rightful claim of Roman Catholics to a university of their own, yet they were willing to take into account the peculiar position of the Government and to accept any fair compromise as a settlement of the question. In conclusion—so it is reported—the bishops promised that the Irish members would give Government as loyal a support in passing this measure as they did in the case of the Intermediate Education Bill,

Dr. Kenealy addressed a meeting of his constituents at Stoke-on-Trent on Monday. He reviewed the political career of both parties in the House, and condemned the sham Liberals, who, he said, were only Whigs who followed the lead of the whips. There were only two independent men in the House Kenealy and Roebuck—both being returned without the help of clique or caucus. The Tories had given them the Artisans’ Dwelling Act and household suffrage, which the Liberals never thought of. The population of England was the poorest, most miserable, and most wretched on the face of the earth, and ere long cheap food would become a necessity.

TO BUTCHERS AND OTHERS. WASTE PAPER FOR SALE, at the office, of this journal. Price —3d per lb, 4331