THE LOAFER IN THE STREET

Globe, Volume XX, Issue 1587, 21 March 1879, Page 2

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET

A few years ago there resided in Christchurch a great temperance advocate In fact he resideu here still, though nob quite so good at the game as he used to bo., Passing one of the shrines of Bacchus one evening towards (fie witching hour of night, he met a diminutive urchin coming out of the public house. The son oi temperance stopped the little girl and demanded what she was carry, ing in her hand. Before she had time to answer he said in a sepulchral tone, “My child, there is death in the pot. My child ! my child —There is death in the pot. “Oh no, there ain’t, sir,” promptly replied the child, “it’s father’s supper beer.” Tailing the pot from her hand the temperance man quaffed thoughtfully a goodish pull, and then murmuring sadly “ Too true, my child ! Too true! ”he passed reflectively on his way. The following speech was made at a recent meeting of the good people of Ohoka : Mr S. Bradley, as a member of the Board, thought that the question of site ought now to be definitely settled once and for ever. The centre might be nowhere, but he was willing to place it there if the ratepayers said so. It was a very difficult matter tor the members of the Board to decide.

The latter portion of Mr Bradley’s speech is certainly remarkable for its truth. “ We are lucky,” says your Lyttelton contemporary in a recent article on the harbor accomm .dation, “in having fair harbor —a harve Ac grace , as the French might call it.” It is pleasing to note the use of the potential mood with regard to the italicised quotation, because —well, because the French, so far as I am aware, have not up to the present gone in for phonetic spelling. The telegraphic agents have been coming out again. One wires as follows from Auckland : —“ The diver and his assistant who left here on behalf theAucklandCompany to recover wool, &0., from the wreck of the Ocean Mail, returned in the Island City, bootless.” Who the mischief cares whether the diver lost his boots or not ? Unless indeed we are going to raise a subscription for him. Another sends the following A sailor, amusing himself on Saturday evening, walked over the river embankment, and broke his leg.” This seems a quaint style of “ amusement.” I should like to write an account of the Kaitangata Relief Fund day, as I saw it, but “ its praise has been hymned by abler harps than mine.” ’Hem! I was present however when a little circumstance occurred that so far as I am aware has not yet been made public. I was anxious to get my fortune told and consequently entered the pavilion where Miss Tilly Andrews was charmingly fulfilling the role of a Sybil. A lady of Teutonic extraction was being put through, if I may use the expression. To her, the Sybil—“l’m afraid miss you are a sad flirt.” Teutonic (who was a married person), “ Vat do you mean by Ylirt ?” Mies Andrews, with much astonishment—“ I think you are the Bth wonder of the world, miss—a woman who does not know the meaning of the word flirt.” Rush of enthusiasts of both sexes to explain to the lady what flirting was. Some of them were very fair judges too. The mania for pedestriamsm, says a recent telegram, in America continues, and both men and women are engaged in walking against time for great sums of money. We don’t do it quite in that style here, but for a long time past we have had colonists who occasionally employ their spare time in walking away in time with large sums of money. Its a popular sport, and likely to keep so. Seeing a lot of correspondence in your columns about the New Standards, I have had a look at them. My impression from an unprejudiced point of view, my boy, is, they are slush. The framer seems to have worked ou the oft-quoted axiom of Mr Phoebus in Lothair, that reading and writing are most unfavorable to the cause of education. The standards are a mass of absurd impossibilities. How can a country schoolmaster without a note in his voice be expected to teach a lot of children of all ages to sing a number of suitable songs (what are suitable songs, by the way P) in correct time and tune. The rehearsals for such a performance would, in many instances I could mention, be droll exceedingly, but scarcely profitable. Looking down the list of subjects, 1 find a New Zealand schoolmaster must be in a position to teach—besides music, and what has hitherto been deemed sufficient for an ordinary education—drawing, physiology, physics, chemistry, mechanics, drill. I wonder how many are really qualified to do justice to such a list ? Oliver Goldsmith’s master, of whom he wrote—- “ That still the wonder grew How one small head could carry all he knew,” would look aghast at such a curriculum. Assuming that we can get men to teach all these subjects, 1 get wondering sometimes how many of their pupils will ever learn one quarter of them, and bow much good a smattering of any one or all of them will be to the majority of boys in this or any other country. Anyone who feels qualified to sot my enquiring mind at rest on this point can forward me his answer to your care. Colonel Brett, you’ve been putting your foot right into it. Whatever induced you to put on frills and waltz round an unoffending trooper according to Press Report of last week. The whole affair reminds me of the duel scene in “ The Rivals ” :

“ Captain Absolute —Sir, I tell you! that gentleman called mo out without explaining his reasons.

“ Sir Anthony—Gad, sir ! how came you to call my son out without explaining your reasons.

“ Sir Lucius—Your son, sir, insulted me in a manner my honor could not brook. “Sir Anthony—Zounds ! Jack, how durst you insult the gentleman in a manner which his honor could not brook ?” Ac., Ac.

I’m not going to chaff you, Colonel, because you’re a good old sort, but between ourselves I think if I were in your place I should tell Constable Bashford that I lost my temper, and was sorry for it. That’s my tip to you, Colonel.

A good little item comes to me from the North. At one of Lord Normanby’s farewell receptions two gentlemen met in the ante* room. One was a man who so to speak used a walking cane constitutionally. Seeing him entering the presence with the well known supporter, his friend said, “ Excuse me Fluffem, but they won't admit you with a stick,” Fluffem —(looking him all over more in sorrow than in anger)—My dear fellow, make your mind quite easy, I have not the slightest intention of shoving through in your company. Exit Fluffem to bow gracefully. His friend followed lon go iutervallo sadly, not to say insulted ly. The journal issued periodically by the New Zealand Trade Protection Society is most instructive, though in some respects sad reading. In perusing its columns I frequently have found matter for a goodish paragraph, bnt for obvious reasons have up to the present refrained from writing one. But from a. long experience I know the sad results of having one’s lights hid under a bushel, and if any little effort of mine can give honor to whom honor is due, and assist a really honorable speculator to increase his business, why I’m on. To carry out this object I have only to quote the following from the columns of the journal alluded to: —“2110. , of Christchurch, , to John Guilford, of Christchurch, gardener. Conditional bill of sale of goods, chattels, furniture, and effects as per schedule, to secure £lO with interest a,t 25 per cent. Dated February 20fch, filed February 261 h.” When wo reckon that £2 10s comes off for interest, and I should imagine nearly as much more for the bill of sale, wo can only arrive at one conclusion, and that is that the time has not yet arrived when it shall be “as with the lender eo with the borrower ; as with the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him.” The rate charged by Mr Guilford is, however, very moderate. ’ I know plenty of very good Chris! ian people here who charge 40 per cent. And yet we wail over hard times. As you are doubtless aware, a summons has a rather saddening effect on most people, particularly when you lose your case and have to pay costs. The old man is too used to these little affairs for them to have much effect upon him, but I’ve noticed that the best patrons of the Clarendon of a morning are the saddened summonsees. Circumstances alter cases, however, for I notice in your

columns a statement to the effect that several jolly squatters in the Amuri district being summoned under the Sheep Act for Monday next, have determined to “take advantage” ox the occurrence by having a day’s racing. It is not often, I presume, they get such a chance of improving the occasion, and I only hope the R.M. will, in consideration of the originality of the idea, run through their cases with as much promptitude as possible.