LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume XX, Issue 1457, 17 October 1878, Page 3

LOAFER IN THE STREET.

[FROM THE PBBSO.]

Tho “ Akaroa Mail,” I observe advertises “Tender Forms.” What a boon—what a sweet boon must they be to those little boys ■who, according to the “ Ingoldsby Legends,” “ When out too late they stay, “Are often seen to walk and sit uneasily next day.” A» the above scarcely comes up to my idea ■of a paragraph of proper length, I may add, apropos of school children, that at one time an( J for ought I know it may bo the case still—the school children at Zaikouras were familiar with four letters of the alphabet before even AB C. The letters were JDZ Z, a quadruple which meets, or did meet, your eye everywhere! at Zaikoura, Indeed many of the grown up people were thoroughly familiar with them. The “Wanganui Herald” relates that a youth, the son of a settler, was rendered speechless, and had the roof of his mouth nearly blown away, through incautiously putting the butt of a gun in the fire, and blowing down the barrel. If the unfortunate boy had the roof of his mouth blown away it is more than probable he would not be fluent of speech. Boys here will perhaps learn from the above that it is unwise to blow down guns when the butt of the gun is in the fire. Perhaps in any case it ■would be as well not to shove the gun in the fire at all. I only hazard this as an “ Wellington Post” says: v The influx of lunatics to Wellington is becoming positively alarming.” I’m sorry for this, but tho session is nearly over now. Our educational system, of which we are so justly proud, seems scarcely to run so smoothly at Zillinchy as might be wished. At a recent public meeting in that district a member of committee stated that on one or two occasions the chairman was in such, a peculiarly happy mood that one member had to write the minutes of the meeting, while another read the correspondence. Another member stated that some of the members on the night of election wished to fight for tho chair. What a merry time the schoolmaster there must have among such a gleeful crowd ! I fancy some of our school c ommittees want reorganising somehow. Has this fact over struck you similarly ?

They have an Act in Honolulu in reference to the letting of carriages, waggons, and other vehicles. Ore of the clauses is as follows : “ Drivers of licensed carriages must obey the orders of the police.” I should like to know how this clause works, because if there were no difficulty about it there, we might send for a few particulars for the benefit of our people. “ i'here are three distilleries in Cork, Ireland, which are capable of producing 1,000000 gallons of whisky each per annum. They find employment for about 1000 men.” The paragraphist who throw off the above statement has not given his facts the consideration they deserve. He has underrated 'iking*. One distillery producing kalf a

million gallons of whiskey finds employment for thousands in every sort of lino—especially undertakers and policemen. In his speech on the “ contemptuous contempt” of Mr Robinson in the Upper House, thus does Colonel Erott perorate : “ If the Speaker told him to sit, and he did not, that would bo a broach of Standing Orders, the observance of which had made the Council illustrious in the colony and a credit to the southern hemisphere.” That’s all right enough, Colonel, hut between ourselves it would be such a big improvement if the Speaker would only issue some sitting orders to your crowd. The Council would bo ever so much more illustrious and creditable, and “ Hansard ” would bo much lees expensive and more interesting. “Matrimonial —Wife Wanted —A settler residing within a few miles of Ashburton, with a comfortable home and farm, is desirous of communicating with a lady (one who could take charge of his house and dairy necessary) with a view to matrimony. The advertiser wishes to impress upon correspondents that he is in earnest, and the above is no hoax. First communication by letter to bo addressed “Settler,” Box 42, Ashburton. As the advertiser is desirous of settling this matter as soon as possible, he requests any letters to be sent in without delay.” A lady sends me the above, wanting to know which, in the opinion of “Settler,” the house or the dairy would be the chief consideration ; also, what the size of the farm is and whether “Settler ” takes in the Weekly Press. If “Settler” would kindly answer this wo might trade. More than this, if “ Settler ” requires any assistance in going through his matrimonial correspondence he can get my address at your office. The Municipal Council, as at present constituted, evidently intend higher flights than any which has gone before. Councillor Cass wants to know if it has any control over the Lunatic Asylum, and he and Councillor Ayers both think that as custodians of the city they should be very sure of the character of a performance before they allow it to be introduced. Are we to understand that some member of the City Council is to be told off as a sort of Lord Chamberlain ? If so I shall be curious to know which of the fathers of the city will come in for the job, and shall look forward with no ordinary interest to his first report. The “ Crcswick Advertiser” informs a contemporary of yours “ that this colony is to be the field of a lecturing tour by the Rev. J. W. Inglis, Presbyterian minister of that place. His specialty is the Songs of Scotland, and the local paper speaks very highly of him. His object is said to bo the reduction of a debt on his church, which would indicate a lukewarmness somewhere.

While giving the reverend gentleman credit for his pluck, I scarcely think ho will have much of a time down here, I mean in a professional way, I should almost fancy we have enough charities of our own to put up for without parting to hear Mr Inglis sing, let us say, “the Laird of Cockpen.” An American exchange believes that it makes no difference to the Indian whether the army numbers 10,000, or five times that. He has his fun, his scalps, and forgiveness in the Fall,

The noble red man has always reminded me of the high-souled Maori. After reading the above the similarity seems closer than ever.

Talking of Indians you may not be aware of the fact, but amongst the Shoshones and Piutes when a medicine man fails to effect a cure, and the patient dies in his hands, they stone him to death. This seems a bit thick on the medicine man. It is evident that a medicine I’ve been reading about in the West Coast papers lately would fit in amongst the Piutes. A man was about to have his leg amputated ; it cured him. So it did a girl who had been trampled on by a cow; so it did a bad case of sunstroke, a chronic earache, a confirmed ophthalmia, a well rehearsed neuralgia, and a rupture. Any of your medical readers can see the name of the medicine and the testimonials by applying to the Press Company, and giving him a shilling on my account. The festive season approacheth when there be agricultural shows, races, regattas, cricket, cucumbers, and other recreations. Thus it is that the soul of the lion-hearted ink-slinger quaileth within him, and hopeth to devise cunning schemes whereby he may survive the storm of long wools, close finishes, high scores, and inquests, and yet give sufficient original copy for that never-dying and coldblooded wretch, the constant reader.

The “ Globe ” is publishing a story by Miss Braddon. It commences thus—“ Dr. Garrick was a man of genius whose life had been a failure.” What a number of biographies of personal friends I could commence in the same manner. Genius is of very little account, You look around and tell me how many genii there are now knocking about in big positions here. You could count them in less than a week. Opportunity, my boy, is what makes a man, and somehow opportunities are a bit uncommon. I mean writing an essay on this subject one of these days.