LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1294, 13 May 1878, Page 3

LITERATURE.

A REGIMENTAL VALENTINE ; Or how Patrick O'Shaughnassy was helped into matrimony. By the Author of '« A Begimental Martyr." [" London Sosiety."] Chapter I. 'Run?' said Patrick O'Shaughnassy, in answer to a question put to him, as he slipped into his chair at the early messdinner, just as the soup was being served ; ' run ? By Jove, I should think I did run, as hard as ever I could lay legs to the ground I ' ' What made you so late, Pat ? ' inquired George de Lyle, the 'senior sub.,' next to whom he sat.

'Up at the Colonel's. Mrs Lifford had a lot of girls in t 3 tea, and I couldn't get away,' he answered. 'Just had seven minutes to get here and dress in.' 'Sharp thing, that. Why didn't you wait for the late dinner ?'

' Concert down town; can't get off going.' ' Did you try ? ' said Mr de Lyle slyly. ' Well, no,* said the other honestly, ' I didn't.'

Mr de Lyle laughed, and when after a very hurried meal Mr O'Shaughnassy rose from the table, remarked to his neighbor on his other hand that *it really was an awful pity, but Pat, poor devil, was going the way of all the others.' ' What way's that ?' said the man in question, who, being brother to one of the officers, and only a visitor in barracks, did not understand the allusion. 'I don't see anything amiss with him.' ' I'll tell you,' answered T)e Lyle, ' You must know that the Colonel is guardian to a nieoe, who is immensely rich and very pretty, but the most terrible flirt in creation. Well, wheaever a young fellow joins, it is part of the programme that he shall go through a course of instruction at Miss Lifford's hands. They all do, just as children have the measles and the whoopingcough.' ' And how old is Miss Lifford ?'

1 6, perhaps two and twenty ; and really the very nicest girl you ever met. She takes them ail in han :, and, somehow, contrives to keep good friends with them, even after they've got their dismissal. Now the joke is, that Pat O'Shaughnassy has known her ever since she left school; and as he stands second on the list of subs., he might reasonably be expected to know better. Within the last few weeks he has litterafly lived to the tune of Alys i ifford. The days he is on duty he is an absolute nuisance to every one ; indeed, I am obliged to lock my door agaiust him. And yet, do you know, I'm sorry for him, for he s a down-right good sort of chap.' An hour later the regular mess-dinner wa3 in full swing, when suddenly Captaia Gur ney asked 'what had got Pat O'Shaugnassy 1 ' ' The old game,' answered a voice from the other end of the table.

• Silly fool !' remarked the senior captain, with great contempt ' He's not been polished off quite so soon as they usually are,' observed Jack Hilton. * I s'aould have thought Miss Lifford would have got sick of him by this time.' 'Don't know,' laugned another. 'Pat's very amusing sometimes. I heard a lady ask him, at St. Hilary's wedding, whether his name was pronounced or O'Shancknassy, as she knew both families. Pat told her, with the most barefaced ciolness, that he wasn't an Irishman at all; he came from Kent.'

' Awfully good!' cried a chorus of laughing voices. ' Ah, but he said a neater thing than that,' put in Jack Hilton. 'One day last week M isa Lifford asked us to go in to tea on Sunday afternoon; and Pat said gravely, "I think 1 will be on duty, but I'll come if I can; and if I don't come, you won't expect me." ' This raised another laugh. Most of my readers are probably aware that it docs not take much to provoke mirth and hilarity at a military dinner table. * Stop a bit, stop a bit,' cried Jack ; ' you haven't heard the cream of the joke yet. On Sunday, you know, young Drew was on duty ; so Pat and I went up to the chief's together.' ♦So you managed to get off,' said Alys, as we went in.

' Well, no, I didn't, answered Pat ' ' Then how is it you're not in barracks ?' she asked, evidently thinking he had beeu fool enough to sneak out unawares. 'Because i told Micky Dre-v's man to c»U him early this [morning; and, faith, the po-ir ciiap got up iu all the cold and, did my work, without beinarany the wiser.' 'And the beauty is,' continued Hilton, ' that Pat, in his innocence, really thinks lie has stolen a inarch upon Drew, arid hasn't a ghost of an idea that his name was changed for Drew's in the order baok late on Saturday night.' * How was it his man did Dot tell him ?' said some one.

' Because, to make all complete, Pat to'd him that Mr Drew was going to take duty tomorrow ; and, of course, the man having seen the order-book, thought nothing about it. It was pure good luck his pitching upou Drew, though.' ' By George ! ' exclaimed Captain. G-urney, ' this is the 12th, surely. We must send Pat a valentine! ' 'So we must!' cried the others. ' I wonder if Mis 3 Liiford will send him one?' srid Fred Gordon. ' Not she. Suppose we seud him one fom her.' «So we will. What shall it be. Hollo, Gurney ! what have you got iu your head now ?' For the senior captain was leaning with both elbows on the 'able, his face buried in his hands. Presently he raised it. •Wait a minute, you felloes,' he said slowly. 'Pat's oa duty to-morrow, isn't he?' 'Yes'

' Then we'll write a proposal from him to \fiss Lifford, and send the noto by an orderly; her answer, which is safe to be a refusal, will be a grand surprise for him on St. Valentine's-day.' This daring proposition W 33 received in silence; the officers of the 52nd Dragoons looked from one to another in speechless amazement, mingled with admiration for the master-mind which had conceived this brilliant plot. At length Fred Gordon relieved his feelings by a prolonged 'B—y Jove !'and then the whole assembly broke out into a torrent of eager questions. Will it be safe?' 'You'll tell ua exactly what to say to Pat?'

' You'll write as if from him ?' ' I suppose she's quite sure to refuse him ?' said Jack Hilton doubtfully. 'Safet?,' replied Captain Gurney confidently ; ' it will be the best joke we've had since. St. Hilary gotsplioed,' ' Who will write it?' paid George Tintringt<>n ; ' because it mu'-t be done carefully, and made spo >ny enough ' ' I'll write the rough copy,' rep'ied Captain Gurney, ' and tlieu we rnu tget hold of boiuo of Pit's writing to imitato ' 'You ne< d not do hat,'answered Fred Gordon ; ' Bi-ly Ohildera writes exactly the same fist -s ''at. 1

* Ar<'. you sure?' ' f eriecMy aertafn ; I don't think even Pat hims'lf cmld tell tno diffrenc-; and Mi** l.'iffi d will not be so familiar with his hand as all that.'

l->y the unit d »ff rls of the officers the followii g letter was produced : 'Cavalry 11-vra-jks, Milchester, February y 3 h

•My dear Mies Liff rd I have lioen trying fur some time t> speak to you on a suhj o'. which lies very n ar my he tit; but somehow, I have never had an opportunity. I'm not much of a hand at letter writing, but I think ym mu 4 kn<>w what I mean. Will you marry me, darling ? That I lovo yu with all my heart aod *oul you must h.tvrt kuown, t ,v some tiuu, and, faith J I

can't help thinking yon do care a little fo* me.

' I am fast all day in this dreary barracksquare, so won't you send me one little word to say you will be my valentine to-morrow ? and make the very happiest man in the world into

'Patrick O'Shat/ghnassy.' Captain Gurney read this brilliant produc« tiou aloud.

' There 1' he exclaimed, in a self-satisfied tone, ' I think that reads like Pat, particularly the wind up. Can any of you suggest an improvement ?' There was a general reply in the negative ; they all considered it beyond improving. • One of you run up to Pat's room and get some of his own paper; it will be in |}the blotting-book on the writing-table ; don't bring that with the regimental crest on; bring his own.' Fred Gordon said he would go He very soon returned with the spoils, and the letter was copied and ready for sending in no time* Chapter 11. The following day Captain Gurney sent an orderly to Colonel Lifford's house with the letter, and after some little time the man returned, with a note directed in Alys Lifford's bold handwriting to P. O'Shaughnassy, Esq. According to orders, he took it to Captain Gnrney's rooms, where several of the conspirators were waiting to receive it. Their senior, however, locked it up, oat of harm's way, sayiug, ' I suppose a lot of young fools like you would be tearing it open, because your curiosity could not wait till another day; but I'll have none of that No; hem it stays until I post it, and you'll see it opened with the others to-morrow at luncheon.'

'Are you going to post it?' said Billy Childers, in amazornent. * Why, of course, you yonng duffer ; yon don't supp se I'm going to give it to Pat, do you ? Lord bles3 the child, he's as innocent as a serpent I If it were not posted Pat would smell a rat directly, and never believe it came from Mis Lifford at all.'

The answer was accordingly posted ; and on the following day, as usual on the feaat of Sr. Valentin?, all tho letters were saved until luncheon, at which meal the officers were assembled to enjoy the fun. • Here's one for vou, Chim,' said Patrick O'Shaughnassy, taking a packet from the heap ; ' come, open it out, man, and let us see '

The packet contained a lady's long fur ruff, and a very official-looking note, purporting to have come from the commanding officer of the 90th Hussars (for Mr Drewhad only a few months before exchanged into the 52nd from that regiment), to the effect that the caudal appendage had been found in Sub-Lieutenant Drew's quarters, and was therefore forwarded, with a request that any other such properly which Mr Drew might have left behind should be at once removed, otherwise his late quarters in Barracks would be seriously incommoded. Mr Drew might certainly have passed for the missing link we hear so much about, and his regimental cognomen of Chimpanzee, more often shortened into Chim, suited his personal appearance to a nicety. As usual, he had ts laugh off bis chagrin with the best grace he could muster, when, happily for him, the general attention was diverted from him, as Patrick O'Shaughnassy carelessly picked up from the heap on the table the delicately perfumed crested note, which was to convey such startling news to him. He did not dream that it came from Miss Lifford, and turned it over with infinite con. tempt. ' Ugh !' said he, •an afternoon tea, I suppose, my dear Captain O'Shaughnassy. Ah, I know their little ways.' • For the love of heaven, don't sit drivelling there, man !' cried an impatient voice. ' O, it isn't a valentine,'remarked another, in a disappointed tone, as Mr O'Shaughnassy took out a note and began reading it. ' Go on with the ofcha s,' said Gurney, in order to avert suspicion ; a command which no oue obeyed, all being too busy watching Pat, amid a silence which became quite oppressive. ( To hp. continued )