VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1293, 11 May 1878, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Some people are like the old deacon who used to cheat his neighbours in a trade and then kneel down by a stone wad and pray that if he had done anything wrong a sto e might fall on him. He satisfied his conscience by the tiim-y assertion that he must be all right because a stone had never moved from its place. One day, however, after his ivual prayer, a loose top stone did fall. He jumped to his feet in great terror, and cried out—" Good gracious, Lord, didn't you know I was joking?" A thirsty rhinoceros having to his great joy encountered a dromedary in the des,ert of Sahara, b'sought the latter animal of his mercy to give him a drink, bat the dromedary refused, stating that he was holding the fluid for an advance. " Why," said he to the rhinoceros, " did you not imitate my forethought and prudence, and take some heed to the morrow !" The rhinoceros acknowledged the justice of the rebuke. Some time afterwards he met h\ an oasis the dromedary, who bad realised at the turn of the market and was now trying to cover his shorts. "For heaven's sake," he gasped to the rhinoceros, who was wallowing in the midst of a refreshing poul, "trust me for a nip." " When I was. thirsty." replied the rhinoceros, "you declined to stand the drinks, but I will give y n a horn." So saying, he let the grateful sunlight into tlie dromedary's innards. Moral.—Virtue is it 3 own reward.

Mrs Pearce, who has had tho courage to expose Madame ICaehelj and her tricks, deserves t*> be remembeied as being the cau e or one of the few jokes attributed to the late Prince Consort which occasioned a repu-tee of equal delicacy. It was in the old-fash-ioned days of Chiswick, when the July fete there was Poked upon as the acme of fashionable dissipation in public for in those days life as a rule was more private than nowadays. Amrmgst the crowd of charming women none showed to greater advantage than Madame Grisi, who was there in company with Siguor Mario and their two ex-cpiisitely-dressed and beautPul children. Plie Priuce Consort meeting them in one of the walks, requested his equerry to introduce to him the then unrivalled stars of song. After a few compliments to the parents, he| added, turning to the children, "and these are two littleGrisettes?" "No, your royal highness, Marionettes." The elder of these is bow Mrs Pearce,

A man out in Beloit, Wis., paid 300 dols. not long ago Tor the privilege of kissing another man's wife, lie must have had queer notions of domestic economy, when he could have kissed his own wife for a silk dress costing half the money. A certain prophet appeared in our midst a few months since who confidently predicted that the time was near at hand when ladies would not sweep the side walk* with their skirts He has gone to an insane asylum, and the good old custom still prevails. The lessons in youth are also lessons in manhood. A boy tried to warm up a yellow hornet by applying a match to it. The boy is now trying to reduce the swellings in the region of his eyes, in order to see his way round the house once more. He says ho neither is nor has any match for the hornet. Kossini, walking one day in Passy with a friend, passed a stout street-musician singing to a guitar, in the most horrible fashion, the serenade from "II Barbiere." The composer stopped and gave the vocalist a piece of money. "' What," said his friend, astonished—" you encourage such a robust mendicant? He has no infirmity needing pity." '"Oh," returned Rossini, "didn't you hear the voice with which he is afflicted ?" The most remarkable case of seclusion from the world which has ever probably been heard of in England was the case of Henry Wei by, commonly called the "Grub Street Hermit," from the site of his hermitage, Grub street, London. This individual was a native of Lincolnshire, where he possessed an estate worth £IOOO per annum. He possessed in an emiuent degree the qualifications of a gentleman. After having passed the customary time at the University and the Inns of Court, he completed his education by making the tour of Europe. His humanity, benevolence, and charity gained for him the respect and estimation of all who were acquainted with him. About the year 1592, when he was about forty years of age, it is said that his brother (or, as some accounts state, a kinsman of his), an abandoned profligate, made an attempt on his life with a pistol. It missed fuv, and Welby, having wrested it from the would-be assassin's hand, found it loaded with bullets. Hence he fonred the resolution of retiring from the world, and, taking a hcu=e in Grub street, he reserved three rooms f >r himself—the first for his diet, the second for hi-* lodging, and the third for his study. In these he kept himself so closely confined, that for forty-four years he was never seen by any human creature, except an old female servant who attended him, and who was orly permitted to see him on some cases of great necessity. His daughter, even, never saw him after his seclusion. His diet was constantly bread, oatmeal, water-gruel, milk, vegetables, and sometimes the yolk of an egg, but no part of the white. His time was spent in reading and meditation ; he bought all the new books which were published, most of which, on a slight examination, he rejected. No monk, undergoing penance, was more rigid in his abstinence than the hermit. He expended most of his income in acts of charity, and was very inquisitive after objects on which to bestow his money. He died October 29th, 1636, in the eighty-fourth year of his age, and the fortyfourth of his hermitage, and was buried in St. Giles's Church. Wasn't hie Max.—A' man with weak eyes and green spe tacles came wandering into our office (" Burlington Hawkeye") the other day, and wanted us to head a subscription to build a monument over the grave of Brigham Young. We declined. We flatly refused, saying that Mr Young's family was big enough and rich enough to provide him with enough monuments to reach from the grave halfway to heave!?. "So you won't put down a dollar ?" asked the weak-eyed man. "Not a solitary dollar," we said; "not a nickel nor a stingy red cent." "What," he replied in amazement, "and here is the very place I expected to get the liot headed, right here at literary centre of this busy metropolis. You won't give a paltry dollar in irredeemable fluctuating currency for a monument, over the grave of the author of ' Night Thoughts,' won't you ? You'll ." But we assured him that Brigham Young never wrote a line of "Night Thoughts," and that the author of that poem died more than 100 years ago. "What!" exclaimed the weak-eyed man, "Brigham Young didn't write 'Night Thoughts?' " "Not a thought," we sail; " he never thought after dark; he went to sleep," " Well, what did he w ite?" the monument canvasser asked. "Never wrote anythiug," we told him; "he didn't know hiw to write ; signed his receipts for money with an X, and preached »11 his sermons offhand, because he didn't know how to make notes." " Well, well, well," the agent said mu-iugly, " how this world is given to lying. What did Brigham Young do if he never wrote poetry, anel couldn't write, and never thought any thing?" " Married," we said, " married. Didn't need to think to do that. The less he thought the more he married, and when he died he had so many wives and children that his funeral looked like a foundling hospital and charity sch >ol picnic procession." The man rose wearily, and started for the door, pausing to ask : —" Where is the public library ? I lnv.st read up a little on the public men of our day. Strange, passing strange that I should have got this stranger named Brigham, of whom I never heard before, so badly mixed up with Edwin Young."