THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1293, 11 May 1878, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

"What's the news " is a remark you continually hear made use of when one friend meets another in the street. It is, if you will excuse an Italian phrase, a more facon de porler in nine cases out of ten. " What will you have to drink" is far preferable, and more tangible. But this is foreign to the subject. " What's the news " is a sentenco that is apt to thrill the soul of the reporter to its latent est tissue. Few local writers have the talent of the Hawke's Bay journalist who made five distinct paragraphs out of the escape of a livery horse from his stable. After travelling all day long about town, hoping in a more than Micawber spirit for some one to break his neck, for a house to catch fire, for a railway accident, or any other amusing circumstance to paragraphicate, and the reporter finds himself towards cveninglwithout any pabulum, itjis then this question of "what's the news ?" strikes with harrowing agony on his ears. There are ways of getting out of most difficulties, and this is how my old friend of the " Lyell Argus " gets through when there is no news around :—" There is in reality so little news of an interesting nature to relate that we are somewhat puzzled what to do ; fortunately for ourselves a rush of advertisements will prevent us from wearying our readers with a lot of rubbish." I have never yet, regular attendant as I am at auctions, been quite able to make out what constitutes a clearing sale. I go to some occasionally, where the principle pursued by the putter up appears to be to sell nothing unless ne gets about as much again as tho reserved price, but a friend of mine who has just come back from the South, tells me he was present at an auction when the effects of a leading citizen and politician were being put up. Among other articles were three ag<d crinolines, in past times worn by his wife. Now I should call that a clearing sale, and I have only to add with a pitying sorrow for the want of taste displayed by the audience, that the crinolines only fetched sixpence. Judge Weston, of Hokitika, has recently been remarking on the excessive commission charged by trustees in insolvent estates. His Honor announces his intention of cutting down this commission. Now I think this is hard on the trustee. It looks like a real bonanza to have an estate of £IO,OOO passing through your hands at 8 per cent., which Judge Weston says is a common charge over in Westland \ but when the ' assets are only £5 there's not much in it. Besides, the trftsfcee ought certainly to get fairly paid for

a transaction which is frequently the means of making a princely fortune for the debtor. The following extraordinary advertisement appears in one of our Almanacks: — Royal Mail Boat "DEWDROP" Will leave Rhodes' Bay Every Morning, At or about 8 a.m., Returning immediately after arriTal of 11 a.m. Train, carrying Passengers and Mails. N.B.—Q-ood paddocking for horses, Is. per day. I know our farmers are pretty close set for feed just now, but I should scarcely have thought a steamboat would have been a place to look for fresh fields, although the pastures would certainly be new. Can a blind man vote ? was a question recently submitted to the Victorian Parliament. The Attorney- General decided that he could not, as the Act requires that a man is required, if necessary, to identify his signature. Would it not be good enough if the signature were witnessed ? It would not be good taste to make any funniment about blind people, but joking apart, a vote is often —well, let us say valuable, and it seems hard that blind people should be debarred from any one of] the glorious privileges attendant upon being a free elector. I came a few days ago across a now pxiblication. It is entitled " The Gardener's Chroniole and Farmer's Gazette." It is written in Tennysonian verse, and the writer, who assumes the nom de plume of "SparrowHawk," must be a poet of no ordinary genius. Dedicated to Acclimatisation Societies, the work before me appears to be written with a view to the extermination of what the author calls " those tribes pestivorous and grainivorous." I do not feel equal to giving any opinion on this work. Up to the present I don't seem to have got the hang of it. Without professing to be a judge of pastoral poetry, I should say perhaps the " Gardener's Chronicle" is not quite enough defined. Each verse wants to stand on its own merits, and thus —but I had better go on at once and give illustrations of a style which is undeniably original: —

How vast the fringilladsß tribe, And cunning poison cannot cheat; Nor e'en our largest net can bribe ; You weary Lads pray take a seat. And sing in tone our songs in turn Should ire so burn to siug the gun And ply cremation in an urn We shoot to kill, oh joyous fun! Tho' fools may laugh at common sense While Hawks maybe protected here; But Jioni soit qui mat yjpense, The Swallow-tailed is suro to clear. Tho' written with a Gander's p-n Dipped into truthful comic ink ; By <>oose Acclimatizing men, Hark! Chaffinches are siuging "Fink."

The above quotations are selected promiscuously from the poem. I like them all. I think on the whole the lastverae is the best—particularly the first line. It has been a matter of considerable wonderment as to the exact line the Ministry intend taking during the coming session. Ihis, however, is likely to be speedily set at rest, as tho Ministry have started an organ of their own in Wellington. Eespecting the starting of this paper I hear a funny story. It appears that yielding to the somewhat pressing solicitations of their chief, the various members of the Government were induced to take shares in the speculation. On enquiries being made, when the first call was due, as to what extent in the shape of shares the Premier was interested in the Ministerial organ, he blandly smiled and told his interrogator that it was hardly consistent with the dignity of the Prime Minister of the colony to be mixed np with newspaper speculations. What an astute old gentleman it is. He now gets his policy advocated at the expense of his colleagues without parting a 6i himself. The more I hear of him the more I feel how great an ornament he would have been in the profession to which I have the honor to belong. I am still further confirmed in this belief by the following little story which I give as told by the " Napier Telegraph" : —"The'Premier, accompai icd by Mr Rees, paid a flying visit to the dying chief Hapuku yesterday, a special train being engaged for the purpose. The train left town at 2 p.m. and returned at 4.30. This is very quick travelling for our railway line?, and the expedition that was shown for his convenience so gratified Sir George Grey that, on his return to the Spit, he requeeted the pleasure of a drink with certain railway officers. The invitation was accepted in the same kindly spirit in which it was offered, and the party proceeded to Young's Hotel, where the Premier 'shouted.' Sir George having to be on board the Hawea by 5 o'clock, had no time to spare, so bidding his friends a hasty farewell, he left them to wonder who was going to pay for the beer." I could not have worked things better myself. For a contrast you can't beat the two beneath matrimonial advertisements much :

MARRIAGES. King—Johnston—At the Cathedral, Wyndham street, Auckland, on Wednesday, April 24t,h, by the Rev. Walter Macdonald, John King, Census Enumerator, also Superintendent of Agricultural Statistics, and formerly Inspector of the Lunatic Asylum, Provincial Hospital, and Relieving Officer, to Lictitia, second daughter of the late Andrew Johnston, Tully, County Tyrone, Ireland. Sackktt Brewer —Mr J. E. Sackett, Evanston, Illinois, U.S A., to Miss Margaret Brewer, Melbourne, Victoria. No cards. No cake. Nobody's business.