VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1287, 4 May 1878, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Nothing like being correct. Chevreau, in his history of the world, said that it was created on Friday, September Gth, a little after 4 p.m Hawkeye. —The world may never know what unutterable things an hotel waiter thinks when he folds his arms and leans against the wall to gaze down upon you in mournful silence with dreamy eyes. “ Did I not give you a flogging the other day ?” asked a schoolmaster of a trembling boy. “ Yes, sir,” answered the boy. “Well, what do the Scriptures say upon the subject “I don’t know, sir,” said the boy, “ except it is that passage which says, ‘lt’s more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” A cobbler once said that he could always tell who was wrong in a spirited argument, even when he could not understand what either contestant was saying He brought his hammer down on his lapstone with a hearty blow, and continued : —“lt’s always the man who gets mad first.” There is always some force which will restrain a man in the midst of his fiercest passions. He may be wrought to such a pitch that he will strike his wife and drive his children from the house with a pitiless oath, but if there’s a can of dynamite in the middle of the room you can’t get him mad enough to kick it. A brother of Bishop Clark was one of the wittiest men alive. It runs in the family. He once went to see one of his parishioners, a lady with a prodigious family, which had recently been increased. As he rose to leave, the lady stopped him with “but you have not seen my last baby.” “ No,” he quickly replied; “and I never expect to.” Then he fled. Baltimore “Sun”—His wife caught him with his arms round the hired girl’s neck, but his courage, even in this trying extremity, never forsook him. “I suspected some one of stealing the whiskey on the preserves, Jane, for somo time, and of course you know her breath would have told if she was the guilty party.” Boston “ Advertiser”—The latest phase of filial affection that has come to our knowledge was illustrated lately by a middle-aged man, who went into one of the grocery stores of a neighbouring town and called for some of the poorest tobacco, remarking, “ I do not use tobacco, but want this for my mother, who loves to smoke,” Mr B. L. Parjeon has been winning golden opinions at Brooklyn. The “Daily Eagle,” in noticing one of his lectures, says:—“ Of about 1400 people not one relaxed attention for the whole ninety minutes. As a reading, as a narrative, as a revelation of a fine-hearted, fine-fibred apostle, of the oneness of the race, and of the necessity of civilisation to have a soul in it —the whole occasion was a memorable and enobling one.” A Cat Convention. — An lowa man recently exploded ten pounds of gunpowder under a platform where two score cats, allured by a liberal spread of milk and bones, were having an oratorio by moonlight. There was a general feline transformation scene, a shriek that would have made the hair stand up straight on a billiard ball, and fifteen minutes after the cats organised on the roof of a neighbouring woolshed, passed resolutions expressive of their sentiments, and then went on with the performance just as if nothing had happened. “ New York Commercial.” In commenting on recent outrages by larrikins in Melbourne, the “ Leader” says : —“ It is inexplicable, as well as humiliating, that our city should have been for years in a lawless condition when the peace-loving and lawabiding members of the community are to the roughs as hundreds to one. Yet so it is. If the law and its officers cannot protect the citizens from insult and menace, private effort could soon do it. One of our football clubs could clear the streets of Melbourne in a week. It thinks the remedy rests with the magistrates.” “If proved cases are sufficiently punished,” it says, “ there would bo an end of it. At present the police are cowed through the pusillanimity of the magistrates. What is the use of their risking their lives, and actually sustaining great personal injury, in doing battle with organised bands of ruffians, professional thieves and bullies, if the latter are let off with some trifling penalty when caught ? Consequently, when a mob of men and lads keep possession of the footpath for hours, jostling unoffending passengers, and using the most horrible language, the solitary constable prudently passes by on the other lide, and leaves them to their own devices.”