VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1275, 20 April 1878, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Oranges are very cheap in this market now, but when you step on the peel of one aud sit down suddenly on the cold and unsympathetic sidewalk, you wish iu your soul that they couldn’t bo bought for less than §27 apiece,—“Pensacola Gazette.” A countryman walking along the streets of Boston one day found his progress impeded by a close barricade of wood. “What’s this for ?” said he to a person near by. “Oh, that’s to stop the small pox.” “ Oh, yes ; I have often heard of the Board of Health, but 1 never saw it before.”

Antiquity of the Honeymoon.— Among the Saxons and Teutons, mead, a beverage made of honey, was in general use. The Saxons added mulberries to flavor their honey drink. it was especially used at marriage festivals. These were kept up among the nobility week after week, and the “ honah moon ” or “moonath ” signified the moon of the marriage festival. Alario the Goth actually died on his wedding night from indulging too freely iu the honeyed beverage—a warning to posterity, and showing that even bridegrooms may make too merry.

Mark Twain on New Boots. —Many people have never had the headache or the toothache, and I am one of those myself ; but every one has worn tight shoes for two or three hours, and known the luxury of taking them off in a retired place and seeing his feet swell up and obscure the firmament. Few of us will ever forget the exquisite hour w-e were married. Once when I was a callow, bashful club, I took a plain, unsentimental country girl to a comedy one nigbt. I had known her a day; she seemed diviue ; I wore my new boots. At the end of the first half hour she said, “ Why do you fidget so with your feet?” I said, “Did I?”—I put my attention there and kept still. At the end of another half hour she said, “Why do you say * yes, oh yes !’ and ‘ Ha, ha, oh, certainly! very true !’ to everything I say, when half the time those are entirely irrelevant answers ?” I blushed and explained that I had been a little absent-minded. At the end of another half hour she said, “ Please why do you grin so steadfastly at vacancy, and yet look so sad ?” I explained that I always did that when I was reflecting. An hour passed, and then she turned and contemplated me with her earnest eyes and said, “Why do you cry all the time ?” I explained that all funny comedies always made me cry, At last human nature surrendered, and I secretly slipped boots off. This was a mistake. I was not able to get them on any more. It was a rainy night; there was no omnibuses going our way ; and as I walked home burning up with shame, with the girl on one arm and my boots under the other, I was an object worthy of some compassion —especially in those moments martyrdom when I had to pass through the glare that fell upon the pavement from street lamps. Finally, this child of the forest said, “Where are your boots ? ’ and being unprepared, I put a fitting finish to tire follies of the evrn mg with the stupid remark, “The higher class do not wear them to the theatre.”