THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1219, 30 January 1878, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

[mow THE Fit ESS.] A friend of mine during the recent visit of the Opera Company went to see “ Lucrezia Borgia.” It was a favorite opera of his, and for a time he drank in the concourse of sweet sounds with avidity until an inconsiderate friend called his attention to tho company he was amongst. He was sitting fifth on a row in the stalls. The first man was a doctor—a very jolly one—but still a doctor—the second was the Registrar of Deaths, the third was a gentleman who conducts inanimate humanity to its last resting place at. a most reasonable charge, and the fourth the party who professionally delves out its necessary accommodation. It required many stimulating beverages to counteract tho effect on my friend of such an ominous gathering. It must be confessed there was every facility on the spot for a very rapid funeral. This short-horn fashion is becoming a bit too fashionable, at least I should imagine that that is the present opinion of the United States Government. The laate has spread to the Indians of North America. It appears that being recently required once more to go further back by the ever insatiable white man, a number of the most noted chiefs. Rod Cloud, Spotted Tail, Little Big Man, Sharp Nose, and others recently waited upon the President at Washington to make the best terms they could for their respective tribes. Following the principle of “Nothing ask, nothing have,” they requested to be supplied with waggons, reapers and binders, school houses, priests and nuns. They also wanted cattle, and were especially particular in making the proviso that they must be shorthorns. There is an amount of knowledge exhibited in tbe modest request of these noble American savages that speaks volumes for the spread of bucolic information in tbe universe, and at the same time reminds one of the manners and customs of our own intellectual Maoris. I sincerely trust that the editor of the “ Te Wananga” will not quote this paragraph in his valuable paper, lest another intricacy should be introduced into tbe already difficult native question. Some Caledonian sporls down South recently gave an opportunity of being eloquent to a gentleman who certainly availed himself of the chance. From a speech winch teems with items sufficient to make at least four comic papers, I quote the following, which I can truthfully say speaks for itself: —“You and I have looked with contempt on a few of the sons of old Caledonia who have thought fit to turn their backs on their native land, crossed the border, and become, or at least appear to become, full-blown Englishmen. These wretched specimens have renounced father, mother, kindred, yea, their very religion ; and all for what? —for what but to be taken into the bosom of another clique and church which they consider not so vulgar as Scotchmen or tbe old Presbyterian form of worship; that worship for which their ancestors struggled so bravely and many suffered martyrdom. jThere is no sight more pitiable or contemptible than for plain Jamie Grant to convert himself to pompous Augustus Adolphus Frederick Doltimore, and strut down the street wit h tho air of a Beau Brnmmell or Mautalini.” How I should like to hear this orator. Pictorial advertisements are quite the order of the day in tho old country, especially in the provincial papers, and examples could be quoted acl infinitum. There is {lie inevitable Sutton’s Mangold Wurtzel, tho Waterproof Coat, the Wire Fences, the Reaper and Binder, the Aquarium, and so on; but I came across one the other day that I consider was peculiarly appropriate, and which might be imitated by some of our local tradesmen to advantage. An unfortunate wight had been waylaid, and had fallen prone to mother earth, while the footpad was busily engaged in pulling off one of his boots. A policeman appears in the back ground, and is in the act of arresting the culprit, and is made to exclaim “ Why rob a poor man of his bools when you can purchase a pair at such a reasonable figure at Brown, Jones, and Robinson’s establish me at, No. 4, Regent street, Paddington.” “ Alexandra, January 19.

“Tawhaia Takore Te Rau died this morning at Ilopukopua. The Natives are removing his body to Hekurange, where there is plenty of food, as there will be a great gathering from all parts at tho funeral. Takcre was the principal Waikato chief and of a peaceable disposition. Ho was in receipt of a pension from Government.”

Tho above is a verbatim quotation of a recent telegram. I’m afraid the Alexandra representative of the Press Agency must be a gentleman with a turn for satire. The latter portion of the obituary is one of the best things I have seen for a very long time. What could bo more beautifully descriptive of the Native question than the analogy between the “ peaceable disposition ” ami the “Government pension ” ? There is a now sect in Russia called the “Purifiers,” belonging to the Greek Church. Their leading doctrines are that all must marry on coming of age, that the husband must be subordinate to his wife, recognize her as the head of the family, and that once a week he must confess his sins to his wife. It is not likely to become fashionable elsewhere, and, oh ! what an increase of labor there must be in the duties of tho recording angel who registers the lies of the male sex. I should have thought he was overworked as it is. lb is as well to be a little particular about framing an advertisement sometimes, otherwise they are apt to read curiously. For instance this one does :

“ Masterton Cemetery.—Any person having friends buried in any of tho enclosures in the old cemetery wishing to have them cleaned and kept in decent order, may have it done by applying to the undersigned.” The energetic superintendent of the Lunatic Asy-inu lias, in addition to the numerous ether recreations devised by him at. differ;; vt, limes for the patients, added, a. ncwimaper, yclept the “Asylum Journal,” It is a good little paper, and it Is scarcely necessary to add a capital institution for tbe patients. There is a poem, however, in the last number which requires explanation, at least one verse does, it is on the death of a favourite dog. and here is the verse in question ;

No war-uumth’d canyma re-echoed its boom,

Dead silence pervaded-—when laid in thy tonic,. All standing round the grave and thy bier, Wo teak a memento—-the tip of time car. I hope it was a straight tip, though how the memento was to be divided among ti ie mourners does not appear. _____