VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume IX, Issue 1204, 12 January 1878, Page 3

VARIETIES.

There may come a time, says an American paper, when everything bad of Brigham Young will be forgotten, and he will be remembered as the great philanthropist who buried twenty-seven mothers-in-law in a dozen years. The last sitter at a private dinner at Edinburgh, who had at length made up his mind that it was time] to retire, announced his intention to the butler ; and, fancying that he saw something like a smile on the servant’s face, he turned gravely round, saying, “ Ay, John, I think I’ll go to bed; but I’m no’ fou, John, mind that —I’m no’ the least fou—but I’m just fatigued wi’ drinking !” Get up early these frosty mornings, if you want to learn lessons of wisdom from the sad-eyed grasshopper that sits on the sunniest window-sill it can find, and weeps because it went to moonlight hops and glee club concerts when it should have been laying in its winter’s wood and earning money to buy an ulster and a pair of arctics. The circus season is past and gone, and the man who sold his heating stove for two full and five half tickets now steps around to the sunny side of the house to warm his feet. But his heart glows with honest happiness when he remembers how the baby enjoyed seeing the animals. The Japanese though a, progressive people, like to find nut things for themselves. Boccntly, on the new railroad they tried the stale experiment of trying to make two trains, going in opposite directions to pass on the same track. It didn’t work and the government have got to pay for three dead Japs. A Chicago man’s young wife entertained him with selections from Wagner, after which he expressed himself as resigned to go to bed, where be slept very soundly. Toward midnight cats assembled in the back yard, and howled frightfully. The sleeper did not get up and throw boot-jacks at them, but turned on one elbow and whispered in his dreams, ‘ ‘ Sing it once more, Elvira ; sing it once more.” She sings it no more, neither anything else, but thinks of beating her piano into kindling wood, and turning her music book into curl-papers. A Western paper tells its readers how to “mind their P’s” in the following paragraph;— “Persons who patronise papers should pay promptly, for the pecuniary prospects of the press have a peculiar power in pushing forward public prosperity. If the printer is paid promptly and his pocketbook kept plethoric by prompt paying patrons, he puts his pen to bis paper in peace, his paragraphs are more pointed, he paints his pictures of passing events in more pleasing colours, and the perusal of his paper is a pleasure to the people. Paste this iece of proverbial philosophy in some place where all persons perceive it.”