VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 1091, 28 December 1877, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Can a dog reason ? "We do not knov,' whether he can or not, but it is an indisputable fact that he knows which part of n man's body to grab in order to get the biggest mouthful. The whaler Arctic arrived at Dundee on September 19 th. Her commander, Captain Adams, who has great experience in frozen regions, reports that this year he found almost unbroken ice extending from Cape Farewell to Smith's Sound.

No Suephise.—Amateur sportsman returning in triumph from a day's shooting with a splendid hare, and says to his wife : " There, you said I couldn't shoot. You did n't expect to see me bring this home ? " " Yes, I did : the servant next door saw you buy it around the corner."

About the most solemn spectacle to be witnessed in this world, is the actions of a man who, in coming home from his club at two o'clock in the morning, finds his wife entrenched with a rolling pin behind the only door by which he can gain admission into the house.

A Pun in the Elizabethian Style.— "What ho, there ! " said Queen Elizabeth to the yeoman of the guard. " What ho, without." "There is no hoe there, your Majesty," observed Sir Walter Raleigh, bowing with exquisite courtly grace. " Eeshrew thine insolenee, saucy knave," responded the Virgin Q.ueen. " And yet Ido bethink me thou said'st truly. No hoe, indeed, but a sad rake, I fear me." And she graciously extended her royal hand to the knight in taken that she had not taken his jest amiss. This little circumstance is not mentioned in some of the histories.

Boil it Down*.—He was a graduate of Harvard, and he got a position on one of the Philadelphia dailies last week. " Cut that stuff of yours down," said the city editor, as the new man came in with a column where a stick only was required. "Do you desire a judicious elimination of ths superfluous phraseology ?" mildly returned the Harvard man. Boil it down!" thundered the city ed. The new man is gone now—gone back to Boston. He says there ain't " cul tuah" enough in Philadelphia.—" Philadelphia Pres 3."

Only too Tkck While a collection was being taken up at a colored meeting in Detroit the other day, Brother Gardner said to the congregation: "Please remember, bredren, dat m ne of us kin take our riches beyond de grave " Just then the hat came back empty, and Brother Gardmr continued : " But it 'pears to me dat dis crowd is gwinc to try mighty hard to do it" That is the way with too many congregations iu this world They know very wed that they can take nothing with them beyond the grave, but they feel at the same time that t ey wouldn b be sa'isried after death without the consciousness of having tried.—" Louisville Courier- Journal."

A very pertinent remark was made by an an attendant, who was conducting a party over the Dead Lett?*.' OlHoe. He Buid it w;u a pity the school childr n of tie land cou'd not be permitted to look into the ! >ead Letter Oliice in a body, to impress upon them the aoces'Sty of always directing letters in full to che name of the person addressed, the town, jounty and state, and the writer's name, with his address, in the inside, instead >f " Your affectionate cousin" or "Susan." [f this vers useful suggestion could be tacked o the multiplication tab'e, and drilled into die children with as much vigour, it would save a vast deal of annoyance and trouble iu aitev life 1 }