VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 1086, 21 December 1877, Page 3

VARIETIES.

A Philadelphia grocer being solicited to contribute to the building of a church, promptly subscribed his name to the paper in the following eccentric manner : Jones (the only place in town where you can get eleven pounds of sugar for a dollar), 25 cents.”

An army chaplain in India, a contemporary says, likes occasionally to tell his “lads” a piece of his mind in the plainest terms from the pulpit. So he closed up a recent sermon of his with the following : —“ My brethren, this is a ‘ charity sermon’ I’m preaching. I want rupees, mind you—l want rupees, and not dirty pieces of paper in the bag, having written on them, ‘Sayers, old cock, how are you ?’ I won’t have it, mind you —I won’t. I have stood it long enough.”

Simplicity. —A Scotchman once took his wife to see the wonders of the miscroscope. The various curiosities seemed to please the woman very well, till the animalcuhe professed to be contained in a drop of water were shown off. This seemed to poorJauet not so very pheasant a sight as the others. She sat patiently, however, till the ‘ ‘ water tigers,” magnified to the size of twelve feet, appeared on the sheet, fighting with their usual ferocity. Janet now rose in great trepidation, and cried to her husband, “Come awa’, John!” “Sit still, woman, and see the show,” said John. “See the show! Gude keep us a’, man, what wad come o’ us if the awfu’-like brutes wad brak’ out o’ the water ?”

There is an anecdote told of one of the examining chaplains of a certain Bishopric—a favorite Bishopric with certain men, on account of the facilities afforded for entering orders. The examining chaplain, newly appointed, and renowned for his scholarship rather than his orthodoxy, was putting a batch of candidates for priest’s orders through a stiff examination in the “Fathers when one of the dismayed candidates told him that they were quite unprepared for such an examination, so different from what his predecessor expected from them; “And what kind of test did the Rev, Mr, require?” “ Why he generally asked us if we believed in justiiication by faith ? and if we believed in justiiication by faith ? and if we answered yes! he would pass us.” “Humph, and well he might,” replied the chaplain, “for then you would believe anything.”

New Uses for the Telephone. —A remarkable application of the telephone is (according to the “New York Herald”) about to be tried. It proposed to erect a marble retreat in Union square, with tubes connecting every church in the city. On Sundays the congregations will assemble as usual, but instead of gazing into the minister’s face they will look at a huge funnelshaped projection in the. middle of the chancel. A popular preacher wdl be placed in the marble retreat with an eloquent and stirring sermon. He will preach at about 500 open tubes, and his eloquence will be transmitted to as many congregations, and emerge from the bell shaped projection in the chancel Avith all the various modulations of the preacher’s voice. Church music Aviii be managed on the same principle by means of the “pyrophonc”—an organ with copper pipes, whose notes can bo distinctly heard over the Avhole city. This latter invention will enable people to sit in their own houses and listen to a sacred concert, or gather on their “front steps” and unite in the congregational hymn while a precentor up in a balloon beats time.

One night a trombone player wished to be absent from the orchestra of a London theatre, and, as there was another trombone, instead of asking leave of the conductor, he resorted to the expedient of getting a friend to go in and take his seat. ‘* W atch the other trombone,” said he to his friend; "puff out your cheeks well, keep your fingers active, look alive, and you will pass muster.” All went right until a passage for two trombones was reached. Not a sound from the instruments. • It turned out that both trombone players had resorted to the same trick !

Mrs. Macg ruder has Players.— l happened to call at Macgruder’s the other day on my way down town, and, as 1 knew them well, I entered the side door without knocking. I was shocked to rind Mr Macgruder prostrate on the floor, while Mrs Macgruder sat on his chest, and rumbled among his hair, as she bumped his head on the boards, and scolded him vigorously. They rose when 1 came in, and Macgruder, as he wiped the blood from his nose, tried to pretend it was only a joke. But Mrs Macgruder interrupted him—-" Joke! joke! I should think not ! I was giving him a di-essing down. He wanted to have prayers before breakfast, and 1 was determined to have them afterwards, and he threw the Bible at me, and hit Mary Jane with the hymn-book, I soused down on him. If I can’t rule this house I’ll know the reason why. Pick up them Scriptures and have prayers. It’s more trouble regulatin’ the piety of this family than runnin’ a saw mill. Mary J ane, give your pa that hymn-book.”— Max Adder.

Blackmoor Forest, at the spring of the Froome, was once called the forest of White Hart, and at that time the scat of royalty ; it was much resorted to by our kings, on account of the great abundance of deer and other game. King Henry 111., with a large retinue, having one clay entered the chase to enjoy the sport of hunting, roused a milk milk hart. The creature afforded his Majesty so much pastime, that, at the pulling down, it w r as the royal pleasure to save the beast, and place round his neck a collar of brass, on which was engraved “I am a royal hart, let no one harm me !” But the King and his retinue having run over and spoiled the lands of a gentleman of the county, named Thomas de la Linde, and refusing, upon remonstrance, to make good the injury, De la Linde imprudently resolved to spite King Henry ; when, joining with others, he hunted the white hart, and having run it down, foolishly took the life of the King’s favorite. Making merry over its haunches, he was heard in his cups to utter many disrespectful things towards his sovereign, which were conveyed to Henry, who presently convinced De la Linde§ of his presumption, and so highly resented the indignity, that he made every one concerned in the death of the noble animal to pay into his exchequer an annual tine, called “White Hart Silver,” which was not remitted during the reign of that monarch. From this circumstance we may date the origin of the White Hart for a sign at the various inns and houses of entertainment throuhout England.