NATURAL HISTORY FROM “ HANSARD.”

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 1054, 13 November 1877, Page 3

NATURAL HISTORY FROM “ HANSARD.”

THE MOUSE AND THE ELEPHANT, Dr. Hodgkinson—ln contrasting the present Premier and the hon. member for Egmont, who lately filled that office, I have shown that they are two entirely different men. In fact, it is preposterous to draw such a contrast, for it is like comparing a mouse to an elephant, or a sparrow to a raoa, or any oilier monstrous comparison. One of these men, the present Premier, is one of the greatest minds in this colony ; in fact, he is probably the greatest man on this side of the equator. WATEHLILIES AND WOLYEB, Mr J. E. Brown—l have no doubt that the hon. member for Avon will very soon address the House, and assure us, notwithstanding the rumors in the lobbies, that he is not one of those political waterlilies which iloat overall parts of the House, and always rest in opposition to the Government unless they happen to be in the Government. Men of the party of the hon. member for the Thames are not struggling and fighting for Government office—their one object is not to rush the Government seats. So far as I am concerned—and it is pretty generally known that I was one of the members who declined to take office —I, as, I daresay, did every other gentleman who declined office, said, “ Let Sir GGrey choose his colleagues as he pleases; do not study me,” We did not rush like a pack or wolves after the miserable carcase loft by the hon. member for Egmont. No, sir: if that hon member and his party are held together by the cohesive power of public plunder, we are not; we do not envy them. THE CAT. Mr Thomson—We all know that cats hare a very strong sense of locality. They are very unwilling to leave any place in which they have been accustomed to live. For instance, if you put a cat into a bag and take her away, say, ten miles over a rough road and then liberate her, the chances are that in the morning you will find pussy on the doorstep, waiting to get in. It appears to me that the hon. member for Egmont and his followers have an instinctive feeling that they ought to be on the Government benches. They seem to think that it is not their sphere to walk about in the lobbies, or to sit at the library fire, or to write their letters at the library tables. They seem to imagine that their proper sphere is on the Treasury benches, and in their own snug offices. But, sir, I hope they will not be allowed to come back to the Government benches. I trust that the good sense of the House will prevent those hon. gentlemen from again taking up the positions which they have lost. I think there are very good reasons why they should not be allowed to get back. THE DOG. Dr Hodgkinson—When I looked over at the other side of the House some few evenings ago I was reminded of what is sometimes seen at a village hotel. There are a number of doge lying about the table, and, w.iilst the table is being spread and the varioui Joints

put upon it, the dogs watch the process witl eager and greedy eyes, ready to seize tb< first opportunity of making a ruand clearing the table. That was win I was reminded of when I saw 1h eager and guilty looks of the hon. genth men opposite. ... I should like to knov what claim the hon. member for Egmont h»» to hold such a high otlice. I cannot discover that he has any claim whatever; and th. House bos lately pronounced that he has n< claim. What a ridiculous and absurd tiling it is, what an insufferable piece of presump tion that such a man, at such a time, should presume to come forward, and put himself in competition with such a man as the hon. mem ber for the Thames. But we all know that vanity and inordinate self-esteem are among the failings of the late Premier. I speak of him, of course, as a public man. Speaking figuratively, he reminds me of what we sometimes see when passing through the streets of any town or village : Whene'er we take our walks abroad, How many dogs we see; Both mongrel, puppy, whelp, and hound, And curs of low degree. We sometimes have seen a grand-looking old mastiff in a position of repose looking very sagaciously upon what is going on around him, and we have seen some unmistakable mongrel come up with bis tail curled up so tightly as to lift his hind legs off the ground. No doubt if we could understand what he said, we should find him saying something like this:— " You know nothing of finance. I am the dog that must rule in this part of the world. Go away! " After this has been endured for some time, the big dog takes him up by the scruff of the neck, throws him over his shoulder into the gutter, and the little dog beats an ignominious retreat. What we have seen in this House must have reminded many of us of such a scene as that. Mr Gibbs—l fail to understand what particular principles the hon. member who has just sat down has sought to instil into our minds during his two hours' speech. He has given us a short history of mesmerism, and an amusing description of the facts that science would bring out if the heads of some hon. members were submitted to manipulation by a professor of the art. Then we have had a lecture upon electro-biology, a sketch of Roman history, extracts from the Old Testament, a few passages from the Pilgrim's Progress, and one or two essays upon natural history, including an amusing account of how a very big dog treated a very little dog, in a way which I thought very unfair : all the good qualities were ascribed to 'the big dog, and the bad ones to the little dog. The last interesting story brought to my recollection an instance in which the good qualities of a very little dog were brought out. The master of this little dog lived in Nelson and was accidentally killed; and it is a fact that the little dog "followed its master to his grave, there lay clown, and there eventually died. The qualities of that little dog were quite as good as those of the hon. gentleman's big dog. The little dog I refer tojj had a large heart: and, as I understood he referred to the Premier as the big dog, and the leader of the Opposition as the little dog, I must continue to have faith in my little dog, who was staunch and true with his large heart, although he may prefer the big dog. THE SUCKING CALF. Dr. llodgkinson —When a calf has been sucking it 3 mother for a long time it is very reluctant to be weaned. So those honorable gentlemen have been so long accustomed to receive Government; pay that when they are deprived of it, they are determined to get back to their political seats again, and to get the political teats in their mouths. We know it is a very ditlicult thing to wean an old calf. We have to put the cow in one paddock and the calf in another and distant paddock. We have the calf on one side of this House and the cow on the other, and it is necessary to erect a strong barrier between them. The calf will break through any reasonable fence ; it icill try by some means or other to get back to the cow for another suck. The only thing to do is to administer the stockwhip. I believe there are some honorable members who have had considerable experience and skill in the use of the whip. I think my honorable friend the member for Auckland City East has some skill, and that he has a whip that will reach to all sides of the House. Keeping up the comparison, I would say that it is very difficult indeed to erect a fence which will be a sufficient barrier to the honorable gentleman opposite. There is the fence of consistency: that does not stop them; they disregard that altogether. I am afraid the* two-rail fence of honor and political morality is abo useless ; they would break through that, I can only add that I shall do what I can to prevent their sucking the Government cow. THE OSTBICH. The Middle Party had a, fair iield and no favor. They said what; they would do ; and what did they do ? They made themselves ridiculous. They were like the ostrich thai, buried his head in the sand, and thought that because his head was concealed nobody could see any part of him. Their simple scheme was this: that they should use the hon. member for the Thames and those who followed him as ladders—that they were to climb upon their backs, and get into the heights of power, and, when they had reached those heights, they were to kick the ladder down. But they never consulted the ladder; and, unfortunately, just as they got to the very top, the ladder slipped and they fell. For two months they had been scheming and the moment their schemes were presented to the light of day they vanished like ghosts at cock-crow. THE BAT. Mr Fox —The hon. member for the Thames speaks of the Government being grasped in one powerful hand, as if he were going in for the unity of the colony, and immediately adds, "if there is to be only one Government." Sir, all this puts me in mind of the celebrated old tom-cat in the County of Meath. That cat had killed all the rats and mice in the county, and had to take to bird-catching as a means of subsistence. One evening, when he was out, en the prowl, ho had the misfortune to catch a bat, and he said, ' What's this r It's neither rat nor mouse, bird nor beast, nor fish nor frog: what on earth is it ?" Just then the bat. gave a wink with his little black eye, and fluttered his wing ; and the old torn cat tied the County of Meath, and never was seen any more. Well, now I ask, what ij the policy of ' h" present Government ? We ask. "What is it'" but we cannot tell what the policy of the lion, gentleman is. It is impos eible,' at any rate, for me to make it out. THE MONETY. Mr Wakefield—Why was not the lion member for Timaru a member of his Ministry ? Wby were nut many other hot. gentlemen

vho are known and admitted to be far better ■oliticians and far nearer real statesmen than i.e hon. gentleman can ever pretend to be—by were they not on the Treasury benches ? !he reason is plain. They would not risk heir reputation by going there. That is the •eason why the hon. member for Timaru -elected the hon. member for Egmont for a <eat on the Treasury benches to carry out his nclinations and wishes, to act as hi 9 cat'sirw to pull the chesnuts out of the political ire for him. He does not go and take a seat in the benches with the hon. gentleman. He <ays, " You go there. Sir Julius Vogel is home ; I want somebody to do my bidding in the country ; you can be Premier ; you have been in the Ministry before ; you have no strong political feelings, or, if you have, put them in your pocket; you take a seat on those benches, and presently, in the course of time, I will find you colleagues to suit myself." The hon. member for Kaiapoi shortly afterwards took office, and the hon. member for the Taieri, after last session, joined him as a colleague. The hon. member for Timaru had just to say to the hon. gentleman, " As soon as a vacancy occurs, you have only to come to me, and I will get a colleague for you ; I shall have a Premier who is my Premier, and a Ministry that is my Ministry." This reminds me of an inscription I have read of, which was posted on the walls of James the First's palace, " The King rules the country, the Duke rules the King, and the Devil rules the Duke." The late Ministry ruled the colony ; the member for Timaru ruled the late Ministry ; who ruled the member for Timaru I must decline just now to say. THE IAMB. Mr Fox—l was never more amused in my life when I heard the hon. member for the Thames the other night likening himself to a poor innocent little lamb. If 1' had to find a similitude for the hon. member, of all the animals that run, that walk, that fly, that crawl, about the last I should have thought of selecting would have been a poor, little, innocent, guileless lamb. I might have thought him a bold lion, or a ferocious animal that was coming down with his paw on the Ministerial benches to do some dreadful thing. But to think of likening him to a little guileless, innocent, harmless lamb. In the great galleries in Europe, where the pictures of the ancient masters are to be seen, you come across, every now and again, a class of pictures which are very interesting—portraits of the artißts themselves painted by themselves. You will see Rubens painted by himself, and a celebrated portrait of Raphael. They are very interesting to look at. These gentlemen no doubt painted them with a mirror in front of them. They certainly illustrate the Scriptural text of " Man looketh in a glass and straightway forgetteth what manner of man be was ; " because you always find, when you look at contemporary portraits of the same subjects painted by other artists, that they have not the slightest resemblance to those painted by the originals themselves. That is just the hon. gentleman's position. But, sir, although the hon. member may not resemble a lamb—and that he certainly does not—he does, I think, in one particular very strongly resemble a flock of sheep. Hon. members who have had anything to do with pastoral affairs —the hon. gentleman the Colonial Treasurer, who is one of the squatocrats of the country, will appreciate the force of this] remark—may sometimes have had the misfortune to travel behind a ilock of sheep with the wind in their faces, and they will remember what a wonderful faculty sheep have for throwing dust in the eyes of their followers. Of all the members of this House the hon. member bears the closest resemblance to a ilock of sheep. He tried to throw dust in the eyes oil old Tirarau, but lie did not do it. He does, however, succeed in throwing dust in the eyes of many hon. members of this House. The hon. member for Auckland City East, for instance, is one of his many deluded followers. What he promises may be popular; it may be clap-trap ; but it is dust—dust.