VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 1041, 26 October 1877, Page 3

VARIETIES.

What lovers swear—To be tiue until death What husbands swear—Uufit for publication. As General Teherthemoslemsheadoff was leaving for the wars, his sweetheart remarked to him, in*tears—" Though I no more behold thee, yet is thy name a spell." Only those who have tried know the indescribable agony of editing a paper next door to a tin-shop, separated only by a thin partition. When a visitor enters the sanctum, it better than a whole Bermon on human nature to see the editor, with a beautiful air of unconsciousness, slip all the lead pencils | into a drawer, and put the penknife into his pocket. The "Worcester Press" puts it in this way:—"The gentleman who stole a gold pen from this office the other afternoon will please forward his real name and address, not necessarily for publication, but as a guarantee of good faith." A Utica woman was killed by being struck on the forehead with a rocket, and there isn't a fire insurance company up there that isn't glad the rocket struck her instead of a house on which they held an insurance,— " Philadelphia Ghronicle." Animals may think, but sometimes they do not think very fast. A cow got into a James street garden Friday, aDd it took her half an hour to make up her mind where to go out. A man and dog were flooding her mind with iaformation all the time, too. — " Home Sentinel." The good man reclineth at his ease; he covereth his head with a paper; he taketh his rest, and his snores are heard in the land. The house fly is not so, for his heart deviseth evil continually, and when he hath crept under the paper, he will tickle the good man's nose. Verily all this ia vanity and vexation of spirit.—" Rome Sentinel." "Why is this called Jacob's ladder!" asked a charming woman, as she and he were going up the steepest part of the Mount Washington Railway. "Because." hereplied, with a look that emphasised his words, " there are angels ascending and descending occasionally. He squeezed her h«nd. An old darkey fishing on a wharf at Galveston was heard talking to the fish he saw swimming around his line in this fashion : "Gimme a bite, honey. De children am a crying down to my house, and I tell you it's fish or nuffin' in dat 'stablishment. A Difference Both Ways.—A professional man, returniug to his office one day after a substantial lunch, said complacently to his assistant—"Mr Peetkin, the world looks different to a man when he has three inches of rum in him." "Yes," replied the junior, without a moment's hesitation, "and ne looks different to the world." A Hackensaok man was last midnight creeping softly along the bedroom floor, on his hands and knees, and was feeling tenderly under the bureau for something he had hidden there the evening before ; but his wife woke and said, "William, what under the heavens are you doing !" " Dear," said lie, " l'am walking in my sleep and dreaming that I am plncking water lillies from the soft, blue bosom of the lake." How to get that iiask out of there before she got up in the morning was what worried him mere than the water Jibes did. A Bov's Letter,— The following innocent missive was written in lines which tended down to the right hand corner more and more : -- " Dear mama, me and johnny Christmas are gone to the north Pole, his unkle went twice we .Shall be back in silks muntha. Please give my love to lucy and Papa and ask lucy to be kind to My ginnipigs. i shall want them When 1 come back, too much Cabiges ia not good for ginnipigs. When I come back i hope there "Will be no rice left, it is very Unjust to give me thos messy Pudens. i am not a child. Johuy says it is funny at the north Pole and there are bares and they are wite. " I remane " Your dutiful son "Reginald." Original Language of the Earth. — The following is copied from a "History of the Kings of Egypt" :—" The Egyptians had a'ways imagined themselves to be the most ancient nation upon the earth. P.-amme-tichus (who reigned about 670 8.C.) was desirous to prove this himself, and he employed a very extraordinary experiment for this purpose. He commanded (if we may credit the relation) two children newly born of poor parents to be brought up in a hovel in the country, that was to be kept continually shut up. They were commit tod to the care of a shepherd (others say to nurs-. s. whose tongues were cut out), who was to feed them with the milk of goats : and was commanded not to suffer any person to enter into this hut, nor to speak even a single word in the hearing of these children. At the expiration of two years, as the shepherd was coming into the hut to feed these childreu, they both cried out with extended hands to their foster-father — lucrum, beceot.. The shepherd, surprised to hear a language quite new to him, but which they repeated frequently afterwards, sent advice of this to the king, who ordered the children to be brought before him, in «.rder that he himself might be a witness to the truth of what was told him ; and accordingly both of thorn began iu his presence to stammer out the sounds above-mentioned. Nothing now was wanting but to ascertain what nation it was that used this word; and jt was found tha». the Phrygians called hread by this name. Prom this time they were allowed the honor of antiquity, or rather of priority, which the Egyptians themselves, notwithstanding their jealousy of it, and the many ages they pos sessed this glory, were obliged to resign to them. As g.as were brought to these children that they might feed upon their milk, they might have learnt fho word bec or beccox by mimicking the cry of those animals."