THE LOAFER IN THE STREET

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 1013, 24 September 1877, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET

(I'HOJI TIE PRESS.)

Speaking of the Prince of Wales’ Australian tour next year, the “ Lahore Civil and Military Gazette” observes that “it is probable that the Prince will find this tour a more agreeable and enjoyable one than his Indian tour, which is said to have bored him, so irksome wa| the restraint upon his movements, and the consciousness of being expected to pose perpetually as a model Christian ruler and an idealised impersonation of every English virtue.” The Lahore writer of the foregoing has evidently never been in Christchurch. If the Prince had to pose as a model Christian before the Hindoos, what will our public expect of him ? In this metropolis, where it is well known every citizen is never weary of well-doing, an idealised impersonation of every English virtue even would not be considered of much account, because our virtue is ever so much ahead "of England. “ Five Pounds Reward—The above Reward will be paid by the undersigned for information of the whereabouts of an Absconding Debtor named -———, of whom the following is a description : —Foreigner, sft. 7in. height, about 43, light build, sallow dirty-looking complexion, slightly wall-eyed, high cheek bones, waddling gait, light moustache and beard,”

If the above is going to be the style of thing adopted by creditors, we shall all have to pay our debts, even if we borrow' the money to do it with. But there seems something very mean in making public allusion to a man’s personal appearance because he can’t part. It is adding a carefully studied insult to an unmistakeable injury. Some while ago the Agricultural and Pastoral Association passed a yery praiseworthy resolution entitling MrSeager and his patients to free admission to the show. This reminds me of a little story told me by a distinguished member of the ring estate. It seems on one occasion he was in the pursuit of his avocation attending a race meeting,

where the patients of a neighbouring lunatic asylum were spectators on the course. One of them, like a great many others I have met, who are not at present under surveillance had “a fancy” in a particular race. He went round the ring and backed it where practicable, winning a considerable sum. After being duly paid he left the course in company with his companions and enquiries were made who the knowing stranger was. The members of the ring even unto this day say that there is a lot of method in some people’s madness. If we could be informed as to whether Hamlet ever backed a double successfully, the question as to his sanity might be cleared up. In the “Mercantile Gazette” a blacklist published in Dunedin, there are more than a hundred notices of bankruptcy throughout the colony. A contemporary noticing this fact observes that the state of trade in the colony is not in a flourishing condition. The writer must be a recent arrival or he would know the reverse is the case here. No one is so successful as a successful bankrupt, I would be one myself to-morrow if I could afford the necessary preliminary expenses. There are speculative bankers about even now who, following the example of the manager who advanced a thousand on the security of four kings and an ace, might spring a small advance on a good assurance that a client was unable to pay anything to anyone. Wong Chinfo is delivering lectures in various towns through the States on the Chinese social and religious systems. I should be glad to hear Wong. What the Celestial religious system may be I know not, but the social customs of this pleasing race may be described easily by the oft-quoted sentence from the diary of the Observant Midshipman, “ Their manners are disgusting, and their customs worse.”

A contemporary informs its readers that a man was recently found lying with his head on the line of railway near the Ashburton bridge, about twenty minutes before the passage of a train. He was brought up, and dismissed with a caution. And yet they talk about justice. Next time that man will put his head on the rails half an hour before the train comes. I can’t bear people of this kind. Give me the man who puts himself on the rails two seconds before the train arrives. I’m sure of half a column and he is certain of an obituary, which is more than many deserving people get. “Patriot ” writes in an Auckland journal—- ‘ If parents or others have a desire to check larrikinism or any tendency towards it, let them read and carry out the remedy found in the Book of Deuteronomy, sixth chapter and seventh verse.”

Patriot means well, but the remedy is old and far from unfailing. Coupled with one to be found in Proverbs xix, v. 18, it would work better, but then whopping children is dangerous in this colony. At the age of seven children know more than their parents, and at eight if you dropped a stick on them they would turn again and rend you or else summons you for assault. Talking of children reminds me that the Napier Bell-ringer “ wants it to be known” that he volunteers to advertise any person’s child lost free of charge. This is hard on the Napier journals, but misplaced liberality of this kind carries its own punishment. That Bell-ringer I feel sure has a long and incessant career of usefulness in front of him. He will probably be the hai’dest talked man in New Zealand—except perhaps Mr Rees. I forget now who Solon declared the happiest man in the world. It’s so long since I read any of old Sol’s remarks. I never did care much for Herodotus. It gives a man a distaste for Greek literature when he has to look out every second word in the dictionary and then only finds perhaps one word out of them. You don’t keep the thread of the narrative well enough to retain your interest, and a book lasts out almost too long a time. But happiness is I believe, what we were talking about. There can be no doubt as to who is at present the happiest man in New Zealand. He lives in Blenheim. He bred and fed a pig up to twenty-six score weight. This alone would ensure felicity of a high class, but fortune showered yet her gifts on him. He raffled the pig and won it himself ; he raffled it again and his wife won it; it was put up a third time and his son won it, and now this twenty-six score pig remains in the bosom of the family it loves so vrol ■

They seem to have a quaint way of paying their ecclesiastical accounts in Akaroa. It would appear from the report of a recent meeting held there that the reverend pastor pays the aceounts out of bis own pocket. He feelingly remarks that this is a new and cheap way for the people to get their church seated, but thinks it rather too much to expect from a clergyman whose stipend was only £250 a year. Perhaps it is. Next time he will let his parishioners stand, or take the benefit of the Act. Cause of insolvency - expenses incurred in providing seats for weaker brethren of the flock. The reverend gentleman himself will be the best judge of what proportion the assets would bear to the liability incurred. The following love letter which appears in a Breach of Promise case in London is worth a quote. The plaintiff kept a fish shop and informed the Lord Chief Justice that the defendant used to eat oysters and make love at the same time. Here is her “last appeal ” “ March 25th, 1876. “ Sir, —I wright for a final Answer. What Ever my of taken pleas in your circumstances of this be assured of Put to the last you will find Miss Parry stedfas I make this Avoid from a A Deep feeling of Respect to my character as A Gentleman you will give me a final answer. For it will bo lef in the and of my Lawyer —I remain, yours most respectfully.”

it will scarcely be believed that the jury found for the defendant.

I’m never quite positive from the Parliamentary telegrams when an Act is really passed, A Boarding-house dry hash perhaps excepted, a Parliamentary telegram is one of the most uncertain things under the canopy of heaven ; but I gather somehow that we are to have compulsory education. Oh, my prophetic soul! how educated the next generation will bo ; but this is not what I wish to refer to. Compulsory education means having what it appears our Victorian neighbors call “truant inspectors.” The gentleman who was recently appointed to this post for the Geelong district has, according to the “ Advertiser,” returned to Melbourne with the intention of resigning his appointment,having found that he was unable to perform the great amount of walking exercise necessary for the successful carrying out of the duties connected with the position. I’m not surprised at this, because I know one boy here—several boys indeed—who could, and I am sure will keep a Truant Inspector in constant pedestrian work. A Truant Inspector down here will have to be very fit all the year round, and then he’ll earn his money you take my word.