VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 977, 13 August 1877, Page 3

VARIETIES.

"Pa," inquired an up-town boy, "what is a sage ?'' " A sage, my son," replied the father gloomily, "a sage is a man who never marries." Parry tells of an Esquimaux hoy who ate S.Ub of seal meat, l.Ub of soup, and drank three Mine glasses of gin, a tumbler of hot whisky and water, and rive pints of water, consuming the whole between intervals of rest in one day. He had probably served as a reporter on a Chicago newspaper. A Sheffield paper says that a pedlar named John Roscberry called at the Doncaster Police office recently to have his certificate signed. He was 108 years old, and travels about the country hawking small articles. He has had twenty-two children. Mr Beebc, of Biidgeport, is a very calm, smooth-tempered man, and when a book agent bored him two hours in one straight heat, the other day, he said he was obliged to kick him into the street in order to preserve his temper, and avoid offending the loquacious chap. Two Jews were distinguished, one for his skill in pugilism, the other for his fondness of the fair sex. A gentleman, on beini? asked to what tribe he belonged, answered, "1 don't know : had they not been Jews, I should have supposed one of them to be an ' Amorite' and the other a ' Hittite.' " A lawyer and a parson were talking about which way the wind was. The former said, "We go by the Courthouse vane." "And we," replied the parson, "goby the church vane." "Well,"said the lawyer, "in the matter of wind that is the best authority." And the parson went home to cogitate. When in Boston, last week, in company with our friend Artaxerxes, we visited the exhibition of the famous head of butter, the "Sleeping lolanthe." like all who have visited the wonder, we gazed entranced upon its marvellous beauty. Ours is a finely sensitive mature, revelling in that which is beautiful. We could stand for hours in front of that exquisite creation and never tire. But our friend Artaxerxes is of a different temperament —one of those grovelling natures. We said, in an entranced tone: —"Is it not beautiful, Artaxerxes?" " Oh, it's well enough," returned that fiend, in a way, "and yet, after all, it's Butter Head." A Wedding Breakfast.—A rich man of the Jewish persuasion had a fair daughter, who in the fulness of time got married. Nathan, accordiug to Jewish custom, invited all his friends to a sumptuous wedding breakfast. When everybody was busily engaged, he said, " Well, are you all enjoying yourselves?" "Immensely," was the eager reply. "Is the champagne good?" said Nathan. "Delicious," said the happy guests. "And the turkey and sausages ?" "Beautiful, Nathan. "And the pickles?" "Oh, beautiful." "And you're all really enjoying yourselves very much, and everything is just what you like 1" " Yes, yes, everything !" " Come then," said Nathan, '' eighteenpence a nob can't hurt you." Tableau ! The Armies or Europe—The effective armies of Europe are as follows :—Russia, 1,789,571; Germany, 1,248,834:; France, 1,118,525; Austria, 9154,268 ; Italy. 871,571; England, 655,808 ; Turkey. 629,736 ; other countries, 476,321 ; total, 7,754,935. Allowing only £3O per head for the cost of each man, £232,645,350 per annum is expended for the maintenance of these enormous armies. As they are drones in the hive instead of workers, if what they might earn be added to what they cost, this permanent system of " blood and iron" is maintained at an expenditure t» the hive of abeut £500,000,000 per annum. And we rejoice that we are born in an age of civilisation and progress ! —Trnth.