VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 958, 21 July 1877, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Lost for Ever. —A party of young men dined sumptuously at a restaurant in Dublin, and each one insisted on paying the bill. To decide the matter, it was proposed to blindfold the waiter, and the fbst one he caught should pay the bill. He hasn't caught any of them yet. "How many genders are there ?" asked a schoolmaster. " Three, sir," promptly replied a little blue-eyed girl—" masculine, feminine, and neuter." "Pray, give me one examplo of each," said the master. " Why, you are masculine because you are a man, and I feminine because lam a girl." "Very well, proceed." "I don't know," said the little girl ; "but I fancy Mr Jenkins is neuter, as he is an old bachelor." At the Middlesex sessions the Judge asked an Irish policeman, "When did you last see your sister ?" The policeman replied, " The last time I saw her, my lord, was about eight months ago, when she called at my house and I was out." Here the Court broke out into a roar of laughter. The Judge rallied to the charge by asking, ' Then you did not see her ou that occasion ?" Breathless pause till the Irishman answered, " No, my lord, I wasn't there."

A Sharp Retort.—A Justice of the Peace seeing a parson on a very stately horse, riding between London and Hampstead, said to some gentlemen who were with him, "Do you see what a beautiful horse that proud parson has got I'll banter him a little. " Doctor," said he, "you don't follow the example of your great Master, who was humbly content to ride upon an ass." "Why, really, sir," replied the parson, "the King has made so many asses justices, that an honest clergyman can hardly find one to ride if he had a mind to it."

A wager was made by two corn-dealers — one of them a close-set little man, and the other a tall, huge one, a great boast er of his strength —by which the little one undertook to carry two sacks of wheat a considerable distance, both sacks to contain four bushels —sixty pounds weight. The little man accordingly procured one sack, and put four bushels of wheat into it, and then, drawing the other sack over it, contended that both sacks contained four bushels, which he carried with ease. The stakeholder decided that both sacks did contain the quantity agreed on, and the money was handed over. In all policies of life assurance these, among a host of other questions, occur—- " Age of father, if living?" "Age of mother, if living ?" A man in the country who iilled up an application made his father's age, "if living," 112 years, and his mother 102. The agent was amazed at this showing, and fancied he had got an excellent subject; but being somewhat dubious, remarked that the man came of a very longlived family. "Oh, you see, Sir." replied the applicant, "my parents died many years years ago, but 'if living' would be aged as there put down." " Oh, I see," said the agent.