VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 953, 14 July 1877, Page 3

VARIETIES.

A spinster lady of fifty remarked that she could go alone at six months old. “Yes,” said her young half-brother, “and you have been going alone ever since.” “I never can enjoy poetry when I’m coo in’, ” said an old lady; but when I step out to feed the hogs, and h’ist myself on the fence and throw my soul in a few lines of Cap’n Jinks, it does seem as if this airth was made to live on after all.”— American paper. “Pa,” asked an up-town boy, “what is meant by Paradise?” “Paradise, my son,” replied the father gloomily. “Paradise is the latter part of next summer, when your mother goes on a visit to your grandfather. ” A man intruded into an Irishman’s shanty the other day. “What do you want?” asked Pat “Nothing,” was the visitor’s reply. “Then you’ll find it in the jug where the whisky was.” A Frenchman, having arrayed himself elaborately with gaiters, gamebag, and gun, accompanied by his faithful dog went forth to shoot, but found nothing. Disinclined to return empty handed to the house, he stopped at the market and bought a hare, which he presented to his wife. The hare was terribly high—not alone in price. “Ah,” said his wife, with a sniff; “so you killed it ? You were right—it was high time.” An English clergyman and a Lowland Scotsman visited one of the best schools in Aberdeen. They were strangers, but the master received them civilly, and inquired, “ Would you prefer that I should speer these boys, or that you should speer them yourselves ?” The English clergyman, having ascertained that to “ speer ” meant to question, desired the master to proceed. He did so with great success, and the boys answered satisfactorily numerous interrogations as to the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt. The clergyman then said he would be glad in his turn to ‘ ‘ speer ” the boys, and at once began “ How did Pharaoh die ?” There was a dead silence. In this dilemma the Lowland gentleman interposed. “I think, sir, the boys are not accustomed to your English accent; let me try what I can make of them.” And he inquired in his broad Scotch, “ Hoo did Phawroah dee ?” Again there was a dead silence; upon which the master said, “ 1 think, gentlemen, you can’t speer these boys; I’ll show you how I do it.” And he proceeded : “ Fat cam to Phawroah at his hinder end?” The boys answered promptly, “He was droonedand, in addition, a smart little fellow commented, “Ony lassie could hae teld you that.”