VARIETIES.

Globe, Volume VIII, Issue 941, 30 June 1877, Page 3

VARIETIES.

There are estimated to be over 75,000 journeyman cigar makers in the United States.

A Pennsylvania spiritualist materialized a half dozen mackerel the other night, but it was discovered the next morning that they belonged to the spirit of a live man two blocks away. —New York erald. The man who invents some way by which a fellow can take his liver out in the spring, hang it in the back yard, and whip it as they do carpets, will confer a boon on his fellows. —Rome Sentinel.

Euchre is a good game —if you and your partner hold all the trumps. If the other fellows hold them, it is a nonsensical game. We judge this from the remarks of the players. One thing must always remain a mystery, and that is this—Why will a young lady chase her brother out of the house for smoking, and tbe same evening tell some other girl’s brother that she loves the aroma ascending from a cigar ?—Danebury Nens. A country newspaper, in an obituary notice of a subscriber’s son, says: —“He was an uncommon smart boy. He had a little too much curiosity, perhaps, or he wouldn’t have peeped into the muzzle of his father’s shotgun. Landlady (to boarder who has passed his cup six times) —“You are very fond of coffee, Mr Smith. Mr Smith—“ Yes. ma’m, it looks as if I was, when I am willing to swallow so much water for the sake of getting a little.” “ No,” said the smart boy-baby, when the pretty young woman wanted to kiss him. “But why not?” asked she. “Oh, lam too little to kiss you ; papa will kiss you ; papa kisses all the girls.” He was permitted to play with his toys. Common Stuff.— Mr Bounder by, pompously, and with the intention of putting “that Yankee fellow” down —“Yes, sir; yes, sir, you see in me a perfectly self made man 1” Yankee fellow, coolly—“ Ah, I was wondering how to account for your being so allffred awkward.” A collegiate, enlightening a farmer upon animalcuhe, applied his microscope to the cheese, saying—“ Now look and see them wiggle.” “Well,” said the farmer, cramming the cheese into his mouth, “ let them wiggle; I can stand it as long as they can,” It is all very fine to laugh at a woman’s tantrums when a mouse makes its appearance in the vicinity of her skirts ; but a little merriment should be reserved for the man who plays circus while a June bug is walking up the inside of his trouser’s leg with the slow and measured step of a day laborer.— Turner’s Falls Reporter. An intelligent-looking colored man walked into a Buffalo office the other day with a slate in his hand, on which he wrote —“ lam deaf and dumb. Please help me.” But there happened to be a sharp-pointed tack, end up, on the chair in which he was invited to sit, and as he jumped about live feet into the air his speech was suddenly restored, and he went out uttering language totally unfit for publication. Speaking of patchwork, a woman of Court street has a quilt in 573,291 pieces. She spread it out in the yard to air, and a puppy dog played it was a bear. The puppy has been unwell since, and the woman spends a good deal of time in the yard waiting for him to come out from under the house. There will be some more of this item ■when he comes out. —Rome Sentinel.

A story is told of a ahreAvish Scotchwoman who tried to wean her husband from the public-house by employing her brother to act the part of ghost, and frighten John on his way home. “Wha are you?” said the guidman, as the apparition rose before him from behind a bush. “I am Auld Nick,” was the reply. “Come awa’, man,” said John, nothing daunted; “gie’s a shake o’ your hand—l am married tae a sister o’ yours. ” During a recent service at a country church the clerk left his desk for the purpose of replenishing the fire. He blackened his hand in the operation without knowing it, and afterwards wiped it across his face, leaving a large black mark behind. When he returned to his scat he had to read the iirst verse of the hymn, which strangely enough commenced with “Behold the brightness of my face,” causing the whole of the congregation to burst into laughter, much to the astonishment of the poor clerk, who afterwards received a severe reproof from the rector. Tenders from the Tender Wanted.— Here is a chance for the ladies. An advertisement in the Marlborough Express says:— “ Tenders will be received until Saturday, June 30th, for a help-meet for the advertiser. Applicants must be under fivo-and-twenty, strictly pious, and of the Church of England principles. Beauty not so much an object as a loving disposition. Advertiser is in a good official position, dark, and his manners are considered engaging, but he lacks the comforts of a home. Applications enclosing carte-dc-visite will receive a preference. Address ‘.Romeo,’ Express Office. No tender necessarily accepted,”