HUMOUR.

Globe, Volume VII, Issue 777, 16 December 1876, Page 3

HUMOUR.

A wedding trip.—Stumbling over the bride’s train. What may be called a seedy occupation ? The florists’. What tradesman is the easiest to be taken in ?—A greengrocer. Why is the fair sex in Canada suspected of a tendency to homicide?—Because it is fond of sleighing. A farmer has mowed with the same scythe for thirty-five years, ’tis said, and he expects to use it until he is no mower. A man who had been married twice to ladies both named Catherine, advised his friends against taking dupli-kates. A down-east Yankee, seeing an alligator for the first time on the Mississippi, with his mouth open, he exclaimed, “ Well he ain’t what you may call a hansum critter. But he's got a good deal of openness when he smiles. “You charge me fifty sequins,” said a Venetian nobleman to a sculptor, “for a bust that cost you only ten days’ labour.”— “You forget,” replied the artist, “that I have been thirty years learning to make that bust in ten days.” “My dear Murphy,” said an Irishman to his friend, “ why did you betray the secret I told you?”—“Is it betraying you call it? Sure, when I found I wasn’t able to keep it myself, didn’t I do well to tell it to somebody that could ? ’’ It is often said that a woman has no talent for business, but when a man goes home and finds that his wife has swapped off his Sunday pantaloons for a patent tack hammer and a china hammer for the mantel-piece, he is compelled to wonder at the genius that succeeded in getting the tack hammer thrown in. When you meet a man who is over-confi-dential, who whispers in your ear that which might be bawled aloud in the street, avoid him. If he is not a rogue, it is only from lack of opportunity. Such men will whisper to you while crossing a prairie, where there’s not another living soul within ten miles. Pah I Thursday night a policeman collared a suspicious looking character in a hall-way on Jefferson avenue, and as he dragged the man out on the walk he said ; “ Who are you ? ” “John Haynes,” was the answer. “And what do you do? ” “In the show business.” ‘ What do you show ? ” “ I’ll show you my heels !” replied the man, suddenly jerking loose, and he was as good as his word. A Murray Hill dame was slightly astonished, on presenting her six year old grandchild with a doll, to receive the following reply : —“lt is a nice doll, gamma ; but why wasn’t it twins ?” The good lady thinks children are much too smart in these days. Bridget—Sure, Maria and me was discushin over what was thim things in the pitcher over the mantel.” Mistress—“ Why, Bridget, those are Raphael’s angels. ” Bridget—“ Och, then the both of us wuz wrong; I said they wuz twins, and Maria said they wuz bats.”