LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume VI, Issue 696, 12 September 1876, Page 3

LITERATURE.

MY FIRST BALL. ( Continued ) With his return, except that I was no longer a child, the old days seemed to have returned too. He was always with us ; we walked, rode, skated together, but after the object of my ambition was attained, and we numbered the Fermors amongst our acquaintance, Tom's constant presence bored me. I preferred the society of Miss Puck—perhaps even of her brother. Not that I was much at the Hall. Miss Fermor seemed to forget my existence for days together, and, indeed, only sent for me when no better company was to be had. The whole family treated me with a careless familiarity, which, had I been older or more learned in the world's ways, or less wilfully bent upon change of some sort, less discontented with the old simple pleasures, I might have resented; which Tom, and I think my mother too, secretly resented for me. As for me, I never doubted that, the obnoxious mourning once laid aside, and the house full of ' their own set, which was to make them independent of the neighbourhood,' 1 should be included in the gaiety to ensue. Visions of dances in the long gallery, of dinner-parties, charades, amateur theatricals floated before my mind's eye ; I listened eagerly when Miss Fermor imparted her London experiences. She liked a listener, and when no better audience was at hand, laid herself out to win the admiration of poor little me. Thus it would sometimes happen that Tom, coming to the cottage to claim a promised walk, Avould find me absent; and though on such occasions he waited patiently, if on that day Miss Fermor had chosen to detain me, it would also happen that I was still seated in her boudoir, listening to her flippant chatter, long after my old friend had set out through the muddy lanes, in the gathering twilight, on his cold walk into A , where he was lodging. I wonder what he thought of at such times; whether there Avas present with him the figure of the child who had clung to him, sobbing, six years before. He never complained when I threw him over—always kind, always the same, always jealous for me if he suspected neglect from others. Towards Christmas, I heard that company was expected at the Hall. ' Only a few friends,' said Miss Fermor ; 'just Lady Mary Bryde, and the Desboroughs, and one or two more.' She ran over a list of names, all with handles to them, one sounding more fashionable than another to my inexperienced ears. We were in her own room, the bed and evei y chair covered with finery—delicate crepe dresses, looking all the purer for their black accompaniments ; soft grenadines; wreaths where tiny suspicions of mauve began to show amongst the sombre mourning tints. It was growing dusk, and I knew Tom was waiting forme; we were to havegoneintoA—together that afternoon to execute some commissions, I on Beppo, he walking by my side, as he had walked in the old times —oh! how often. It was the first expedition of the sort that had been planned between us since Iris return, and somehow Tom had seemed to look forward to it very much, and I had faithfully promised not to disappoint him. But in the morning there came one of Miss Fermor's imperious notes, summoning me to luncheon with her, and of course I went, for we were not to start for A— until half-past two. My dear mother hesitated to let me go, but she rarely crossed my will or opposed any of my wishes. ' I have a strange feeling,' she said at last, when the matter was decided, and I was wishing her good-bye ; ' a fancy that the choice lies before you to-day of the world or of happiness, and that you are choosing wrongly, Bessie.' ' Poor Miss Fermor is not "the world,'" I answered, laughing gaily, as I kissed her ; ' and as for the alternative, a ride with Tom! do you call that " happiness " mother de:ir ? Moreover, I choose both. I shall be back in time, never fear.' ' I remember when a ride with Tom was one of your greatest pleasures.' ' Ah, yes ! when I was a child.' My mother looked at me wistfully. ' I almost wish you were a child now,' she said with a sigh. Looking back it strikes me that Miss Fermor only wished to make use of me upon that occasion. Certain it is that I did a good afternoon's work for her. Her maid had hurt her hand in some way, and we Miss Puck and myself—were busy with the crepe dress and the grenadines till it grew too dark to see ; but once within the magic circle of the boudoir, I had felt no wish to leave her, and the short winter's day was fairly at an end when I reached home. Looming through the December mist, Tom came to meet me at the gate. * So late, dear Bessie, and so cold,' ho said. ' They do not take care of you at the Hall; they should have sent you home in the carriage.' Going in, I was relieved to find that neither he nor my mother alluded to my broken promise. The fire threw a ruddy light over the little room, and as we drew round it, they both asked anxious questions tenderly. ' Was I cold ? were my feet wet ? Was I sure I had not suffered from the damp air ?' I hope that for the moment I felt the difference between their loving attention and the carelessness of my new friends. Perhaps I should have felt it more had not my head been full of the Fermors' expected guests, and of the absolute necessity of procuring a new dress in which to meet them. At mention of the dress my mother's brow clouded. ' I wish I could afford it, my child,' she said, ' but this month's expenses have been heavy, and only on the chance of wearing it; is it worth while, Bessie ? Your white muslin was new only in the summer.' ' The chance of wearing it ! why, of course I shall wear it,' I exclaimed ; and it was then that the A ball came first into my head. Hitherto that festive scene had concerned me not at all. I was so young; had never been out; and owing to my mother's failing health, our lives had been so quiet and so retired that I hardly knew any of our neighbours even by sight. But it suddenly appeared to me more dignified to pretend that, being seized with a violent wish to go to my first ball, I required the dress for that, and only incidentally for the invitations which I might possibly receive to the Hall. ' The A— ball !' cried my mother, as? tonished, as she well might be. * Why, who could take you 1 And when you got there, who would dance with' you ?' I answered both questions readily enough. I Mrs Mason, an old lady in A—, about the

only person we ever visited, woull chaperon me ; and for partners, Miss Fermor would introduce me to so many that I should have no lack of dancing-to say nothing of her brother, who would of course dance with me himself. But my mother still shook her head over the dress. For ouce she was firm, and I had nothing for it but to submit. Tom, gazing dreamily into the glowing caverns in the grate, said something about my being young, and how natural it was for young girls to wish for finery ; but no one answered him, and by-and-by he began to speak of his own affairs. He had been looking for an agency since he came home, and now, quite suddenly, the agent to Sir Anthony's property had died. Tom asked whether I should advise him to apply for the vacant post, and I, full of my own affairs, had scarcely patience enough to answer him. We had often discussed his future prospects together, and I repeated now what I had said before. ' Why must you be an agent at all ? why not take land and farm it for yourself?' Adding crossly : ' Besides, if you must bs any man's servant, I would, if I were you, go further away, and not serve a master here in my own neighbourhood.' He shook his head. 'Mj mind is quite made up as to an agency of some sort,'he said. 'The only question is whether to try for this particular one or not; and that is a question I should like you to decide, Bessie.' ' But why ? What does it matter to me f I exclaimed impatiently. 'And how can my advice be worth asking ? Of .course you have discussed it all with mamma. I can't imagine why you ask me at all.' ' Can't you ?' said Tom gravely—l thought he was strangely grave and a little unlike himself that evening, and set it down to annoyance at my broken promise. ' Does your old friend's future really matter nothing at all to you? lam sorry.' This speech made me uncomfortable. I sat tapping the fender with my foot, and wishing he would go. Perhaps he read my thoughts, for almost immediately he rose to take his leave. I asked him carelessly whether our engagement should hold good for the following day; but, still holding my hand, Tom answered quietly : ' No ; I will not victimize you ; old friends cannot compete with new. Ood bless you, Bessie !' and so was gone. I remember waking that night from a dream, in which I had lost something ; but,, being awake, all my efforts failed to recall what my loss had been. The next day was dull and dreary ; a cold blast sighed round the house; mist, and a drizzling rain that fell without intermission, hid the sombre wintry landscape. I sat with my old muslin spread out on the bed before me, and speculated sadly on how shabby it would look beside Miss Fermor's beautiful crepe. My eyes filled with tears as I darned a hole, which was only too visible, in the front breadth; and as the wind moaned and the leafless trees bent and bowed before it, I was haunted by the recollection of my dream, and wondered what my loss had been. At twelve o'clock the carrier from A—passed our door ; he brought with him the commissions which I ought to have executed the day before, and he also brought a parcel for me. A parcel, addressed in Tom's handwriting, and containing a dress such as I had described overnight as being the object of my desires ! He ' hoped it would " do,"' he wrote, 'and that Bessie would accept a present from her old friend; he was going away for a day or two, and before he came back he trusted the dress would be made—perhaps worn—and that Bessie would be happy in it, and keep one dance for him at the A— ball.' The prospect out of doors was cloudy still, but how changed was that within ! It was such a relief, too, to find that Tom was not really offended. Poor fellow! perhaps he had been a little hurt that I had not shown more interest in his affairs. Next time we met I decided to talk about agencies as if they were the most engrossing of subjects ; meantime I was as gay as I had before been dull. Nothing was forgotten in my parcel; ribbons, lace, even lining and other ' extrays,' as our village workwoman called them, were included in Tom's gift; and as I set to work, visions of the delights of the Hall cheered my labours. I was happy while making that dress, I had got my will, but in the midst of it all, even while my hands were busy over the soft folds of tarlatan, the delicate lace and flowers, I could not shake off the memory of my dream. From time to time I paused from my work to wonder what it could be that I had lost. Tom came back the very day his present was finished ; indeed, he caught me dressed up in it to exhibit myself to my mother, and they both pronounced the toilette a great success. But in the anticipation of many other partners I could not promise to keep a dance for him, when his coming to the ball at all was a little uncertain. ' I shall dance so much, you know,' I explained ; ' how can I keep one for you ? If you happen to find me disengaged, I shall be very glad ; but indeed I could'nt wait for you.' Aud I began practising my steps, waltzing round our little room, and thereby upsetting my mother's work-table, which accident sobered me for the time. No wonder I was in high spirits. Had I not, that very afternoon, seen the carriages containing the expected guests, pass our door on the way to the Hall ? My dress was ready, and I had nothing to do but wait for Miss Puck's invitation, which doubtless would make its appearance on the next morning. Oh ! the impatient misery of the days that followed, for—no invitation came at all! My mother was very forbearing. Never once did she allude to the Fermors ; she accepted my little fable, and feigned to believe that at the A— ball only had I ever expected to wear my beautiful dress; and of course I pretended the same thing; only, as the. days slipped by one after another, and my lovely tarlatan was still wasting its freshness upon the bed in the spare room, 1 visited it from time to time, and many a tear of mortification fell perilously near to its unsullied folds. I was doomed to greater mortiiicatioas still. {To he continued.)