LITERATURE.
FACTS CONCERNING THE RECENT CARNIVAL OF CRIME IN CONNECTICUT. (By Mask Twain.) ( Concluded.) * Smith is the noblest man in all this section, and the purest; and yet is always breaking his heart because he cannot be good ! Only a conscience could find pleasure in heaping agony upon a spirit like that. Do you know aunt Mary’s conscience ?” ‘ I have seen her at a distance, but am not acquainted with her. She lives in the open air altogether, because no door is large enough to admit her.’ * I can believe that. Let me see. Do you know the conscience of that publisher who stole some sketches of mine for a ‘ series’ of his, and then left me to pay the law expenses I had to incur in order to choke him off?’ ‘ Yes. He has a wide fame. He was exhibited, a month ago, with some other antiquities, for the benefit of a recent member of the Cabinet’s conscience, that was starving in exile. Tickets and fares were high, but I travelled for nothing by pretending to be the conscience of an editor, and get in for half price by representing myself to be the conscience of a clergyman. However, the publisher’s conscience, which was to have been the main feature of the entertainment, was a failure—as an exhibition. He was there, but what of that ? The management had provided a microscope with a magnifying power of only thirty thousand diameters, and so nobody got to see him after all. There was great and general dissatisfaction, of course, but
Just here there was an eager footstep on the stair; I opened the door, and my Aunt Mary burst into the room. It was a joyful meeting, and a cheery bombardment of questions and answers concerning family matters ensued. By and by my aunt said, * But I am going to abuse you a little now. You promised me, the day I saw you last, that you would look after the needs of the poor family round the corner as faithfully as I had done it myself. Well, I found out by accident that you had failed of your promise. Was that right ?’ In simple truth, I never had thought of that family a second time ! And now such a splintering pang of guilt shot through me ! I glanced up at my Conscience. Plainly, my heavy heart was affecting him. His body was drooping forward; he seemed about to fall from the bookcase. My aunt continued : * And think how you have neglected my poor protegee at the almshouse, you dear, hard-hearted promise-breaker!’ I blushed scarlet, and my tongue was tied. As the sense of my guilty negligence waxed sharper and stronger, my Conscience began to sway heavily back and forth ; and when my aunt, after a little pause, said in a grieved tone, ‘ Since you never once went to see her, maybe it will not distress you now to know that that poor child died, months ago, utterly friendless and forsaken !’ my Conscience could no longer bear up under the weight of my sufferings, but tumbled headlong from his high perch and struck the Hoor with a dull, leaden thump. He lay there writhing with pain and quaking with apprehension, but straining every muscle in frantic efforts to get up. In a fever of expectancy I sprang to the door, locked it, placed my back against it, and bent a watchful gaze upon my struggling master. Already my lingers were itching to begin their murderous work.
‘ Oh, what can be the matter !’ exclaimed my aunt, shrinking from me, and following with her frightened eyes the direction of mine. My breath was coming in short, quick gasps now, and my excitement was almost uncontrollable. My aunt cried out, —
‘ Oh, do not look so ? You appal me ! Oh, what can the matter be ? What is it you see ? Why do you stare so ? Why do you work your fingers like that ?’
* Peace, woman!’ I said, in a hoarse whisper. * Look elsewhere ; pay no attention to me ; it is nothing—nothing. I am often this way. It will pass in a moment It comes from smoking too much.’ My injured lord was up, wild-eyed with terror, and trying to hobble toward the door. I could hardly breathe, I was so wrought up. My aunt wrung her hands, and said, — * Oh,l knew how it would be ; I knew it would come to this at last! Oh, I implore yon to crush out that fatal habit while it may yet be time ! You must not, you shall not be deaf to my supplications longer !’ My struggling Conscience showed signs of weariness ! ‘ Oh, promise me you will throw off this hateful slavery of tobacco i’ My Conscience began to reel drowsily, and grope with his hands —enchanting spectacle ! «I beg you, I beseech you, I implore you ! Your reason is deserting you ! There is madness in your eye ! It flames with frenzy! Oh, hear me, hear me, and be saved ! See, I plead with you on my very knees !’ As she sank before me my Conscience reeled again, and then drooped languidly to the floor, blinking towards me a last supplication for mercy, with heavy eyes. ‘Oh, promise, or you are lost I Promise, and be redeemed I Promise! Promise and live I’ With a long-drawn sigh my conquered Conscience closed his eyes and fell fast asleep! With an exultant shout I sprang past my aunt, and in an instant I had my life-long foe by the throat. After so many years of ' waiting and longing, he was mine at last, I tore Him to shreds’ and fragments. I rent the fragments to bits. I cast the bleeding rubbish into the fire, and drew into my nostrils the grateful incense of my burntoffering. At last, and for ever, my Conscience was dead ! I was a free man ! I turned upon my poor aunt, who was almost petrified with terror, and shouted, — ‘Out of this with your paupers, your charities, your reforms, your pestilent morals ! You behold before you a man whose life-conflict is done, whose soul is at Seace 5 a man whose heart is dead to sorrow, ead to suffering, dead to remorse ; a man without a conscience ! In my joy I spare you, though I could throttle you and never feel a pang ! Fly I* She fled. Since that day my life is all bliss. Bliss, unalloyed bliss. Nothing in all the world could persuade me to have a conscience again. I settled all my old out standing scores, and began the world anew. I killed thirty-eight persons during the first two weeks—all of them on account of ancient grudges. I burned a dwelling that interrupted my view. I swindled a widow and some orphans out of their last cow, which is a very good one, though not thoroughbred, I believe. I have also committed scores of crimes, of various kinds, and have enjoyed my work exceedingly, whereas it would formerly have broken my heart and turned my hair gray, I have no doubt. In conclusion, I wish to state, by way of advertisement, that medical colleges desiring assorted tramps for scientific purposes, either by the gross, or cord measurement, or per ton, will do well to examine the lot in my cellar before purchasing elsewhere, as these were all selected and prepared by myself, and can be had at a low rate, because I wish to clear out my stock and get ready for the ■pring trade.
Permanent link to this item
https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/GLOBE18760828.2.15
Bibliographic details
Globe, Volume VI, Issue 683, 28 August 1876, Page 3
Word Count
1,251LITERATURE. Globe, Volume VI, Issue 683, 28 August 1876, Page 3
Using This Item
No known copyright (New Zealand)
To the best of the National Library of New Zealand’s knowledge, under New Zealand law, there is no copyright in this item in New Zealand.
You can copy this item, share it, and post it on a blog or website. It can be modified, remixed and built upon. It can be used commercially. If reproducing this item, it is helpful to include the source.
For further information please refer to the Copyright guide.