A MIDNIGHT ADVENTURE.

Globe, Volume V, Issue 585, 4 May 1876, Page 3

A MIDNIGHT ADVENTURE.

( Danbury News.) The other night, about half-past twelve, old Major Thorndike was awakened by a tremendous rapping at his front door. Now the Major, although he holds a military commission, is apt to be a trifle timid in the night-time; so he awakened his betterhalf, to have the benefit of her judgment in the matter, 4 What appears to be the trouble ? ’ inquired the old lady. 4 Trouble enough,’ replied the Major; 4 somebody is rapping at our front door as though the house was on fire, and you had better get up and see ’em.’ 4 Get up yourself, you pusillanimous old coward,’ exclaimed his affectionate spouse. 4 What kind of the head of the family do you call yourself, any way ? ’ 4 Now, Mrs Thorn dyke,’ gently remonstrated the Major, 4 do be reasonable about this; you know very well if there is a murderer or a burglar at the door, he wouldn’t be mean enough to harm an unprotected creature. Go down Martha Jane ; go down and appeal to his better feelings.’ 4 I’ll appeal to your bald head with a bootjack, if you don’t start in just about fifteen seconds, you dilapidated old idiot,’suggested the chosen of his heart as she jumped out of bed and lighted a match. Major Thornbyke had resided with Martha Jane for twenty-seven years, and he well understood the peculiarities of her disposition. 4 Well, well, wife,’ said he, 4 I’ll go down, but you had better go with me, for perhaps some of the neighbours are sick, or something. ’ All this time the pounding and kicking and thumping at the front door had not ceased for one instant. It seemed as though Bedlam had broken loose, and the hair on Major Thorndike’s head stood up till the strings of Ids red flannel night-cap quivered like aspen leaves. He grasped the trusty sword with which he had marshalled his battalions to victory in many a valiant sham-fight, and, with a face pallid as clay, he whipered : 4 Come, Martha Jane, and let ns seek this dangerous foe.’ 4 Oh, you had better go to bed and have another nap, you weather beaten old setting hen,’ remarked his wife, 4 and I’ll go alone.’ But the Major considered his honour at stake, and down they went together. The military chieftain with his sword at 4 shoulder arms,’ led the way, and the old lady, Avith a kerosene lamp in one hand a bootjack in the other, brought up the rear. And still the rapping and kicking at the outside door continued. Down the back stairs and through the long entry that melancholy procession slowlj pasted. Arrived at the door, the commander-in-chief faintly ejaculated 4 Halt I’ and then to the disturber on the outside he warbled: 4 Who’s there?’ The pounding ceased, and a voice exclaimed : 4 It’s me; let me in.’ 4 Who in the thunder is me ?’ said the Major, his courage is rising as he thought he recognised the voice. 4 It is Deacon Blaisdell, your next door neighbour,’ replied the man on the outside, 4 and I want to come in. ’ Slowly and cautiously they unfastened the door, and Mrs Thorndike, whose costume was somewhat inadequate, set the kerosene lamp on the floor, and gracefully retired behind a hat-rack. The Deacon entered. Under his arm he held a mammoth copy of Webster’s Unabridged, and his hands were full of spellingbooks, primers, and dictionaries. 4 What are you proAvling around here for at this time of night ?’ shouted the Major, in wrathful tones. The Deacon was a smallsized specimen of humanity, and the Major was beginning to feel courageous. 4 Major,’ said the deacon, 4 I’ve got seven words here that no mortal man in town has yet been able to spell. Squire Tewksbury can’t do it, nor Lawyer Wheeler, nor Schoolmaster Jones ; and I’ve justcome from Parson Fergussou’s, and he had to give ’em all np Now I want you to have your try. The first word on the list is Palo-ris-ti-glo-ri-ovs-ness ! Spell that, if you can. ’ The valiant Major laid aside his ponderous sword and fastened his night-cap firmer to his head ; he gave the Webster Unabridged a kick that sent it flying halfway across the street, and the air was filled Avith the spelling books and primers. 4 I’ll give you a spell that’ll keep you quiet for a month,’ said he; and with one hand he tenderly seized the trembling Deacon by the coat collar, while the other affectionately grasped him by the pantaloons. 4 I’ll teach you to come prowling round here at midnight Avith your silent letters and your diphthongs and your tripthongs ; 4 I’ll give you the worst spell you ever had. 1 And he gently carried the Deacon out of the door, through the front yard and into the street, where he carefully deposited him in a mud hole about twelve inches deep. The Deacon floundered, and kicked, and strove and spattered, but the Major, after leaAnng his burden stalked majestically back to the house with his garments fluttering in the breeze, while Mrs Thorndike stood in the doorway, proudly waving the kerosene lamp over her head and shouting aloud, 44 The next word on the list is 4 Am-phi-bious-ness ! ’ Deacon Blaisdell, it’s your turn to spell! ”