LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume V, Issue 580, 28 April 1876, Page 3

LOAFER IN THE STREET.

(Prom the Press )

I like the man who gets married and requests Home papers to “please copy.” I suppose when Mr Stump marries Miss Fitzsploggins, both of Christchurch, the Times and all the English papers, town and provincial, hasten to copy the thrilling intelligence, and Htumps’ nuptials are the topic of general conversation amongst Kings, Kaisers, and the European public. It is nice to become thus a celebrity by paying half a crown a piece to the Canterbury Press and 'limes ; and if you can add a few letters to your name such a51.0.G.T., K.G.M.G, it naturally gives Home papers more confidence, as it were, in copying your marriage advertisement. I suppose it was for this reason that a gentleman recently advertised himself married as M.D.A. I was a long time enquiring what these mystic letters meant. But I have discovered that they stand for Member of the Drapers’ Association. As it is possible that other members of similar associations may like to have their connection with them brought forward on their wedding day, it would be better perhaps for you in future to put the degree or what not in full, because M.L.S. might stand either for member of the Linnean or Lumpers’ society, and there’s no use in getting your readers more mixed than is absolutely necessary. . . 1 picked up recently a circular which 1 regret not having seen before. It refers to Bones, and here it is—“ Sir—Finding that I am likely to have opposition in the Bone trade, I request you to give me the offer of your Bones before selling them to any other purchaser. As I was the chief instru raent whereby your refuse Bones became of some value (I havn’t got any refuse bones), I write with every confidence to request you not to part with your Bones before giving me the offer." Certainly not, Mr M. ¥bu shall have mine when I’ve done with them, and in reference to your inquiry in the last part of your circular, as to whether “ I wish my Bones taken in any other way,” I may say I’m quite indifferent how you take them They are indifferently well made Bones just now, and it will be very gratifying to me to think that they will eventually become Mavdwell bones hereafter.

The Church of England seems very militant in this province. Its civil wars — very civil wars—are they not faithfully and frequently written in the chronicles of the Times and jPfoss ? The St Michael’s meet-

ing must have been painful to witness, and the report of it is, unintentionally perhaps, very sarcastic. One of the late churchwardens declared that he looked back upon the time when he held office with feelings of horror Another gentleman maintained that the parish was the talk of the whole town, and he finished his speech by stating that if “ the incumbent resigned he would ‘ carry with him the beatwishesof the parishioners.’” Which rather reminds one of the parting remarks made by the American citizens to Mr A. Ward. On the whole the rev incumbent seems to have put his foot in it, and the parish seem to have made it a lively meeting for him. It is pleasing under the circumstances to see it on record that “ the proceedings terminated with the Benediction.” By some accident or other a woman fell in the river a while ago, and got meondering about in four feet of water. It is of course unnecessary to state that she screamed. A lady passing saw her. She ran and called a man who was driving a cart close by, and naturally asked him to pull the woman out of the water. '• Very sorry to refuse, ma’am,” was the reply, “ but the woman’s drunk, and being a Good Templar, I cannot encourage an inebriate.” Then he drove on. Talking of driving on, it is satisfactory to learn that railway officials are going to drive on again. At one time it looked rather like a dead lock ; but Mr Stead appeared, as one of the railway officials called him, as a “ Lens hex machind," and both parties being willing to give and take, the matter was squared. It’s all over now, but even allowing for esprit de corps, a man who works thirty-six hours on a stretch would, if he did it often, perhaps acquire a distaste for overtime, unless accompanied with over-pay. The new theatre is on again. I expect, and sincerely hope, this time that the promoters will be able to get it off. A good theatre would pay here. Much, however, depends on the management. I respectfully suggest to Mr Hoskins to engage as much acrobat and menagerie talent as possible. A little legitimate drama can be thrown in now and then an Opera Company at million prices might possibly be recuperative —say once in seven yeais. Theoretical!.? thsre is no place in the world where people have a greater love for high art than in Ohrs church. Practically there is no place —no place in the world, considering the population—that people support it less. We cry aloud for high class music, and legitimate drama, and when it comes we show our appreciation of it by keeping away. Why upon earth don’t you recognise native talent ? When a poet residing in our midst brings out a versicle, why don’t you notice the fact ? I’m always open to write a review for you, I’m very near doing it now. I have before me a poem, intituled “ The Reign of Pain and Plaguy Drain, by Hygrology.” The poem has a certain dreamy vagueness about it which reminds one of Tennyson ; but if the author only had the following verse whereon to hang his fame, why laurels would result

“ Praia Boards are long with districts wide, obscure, but is it true ? To nature’s oft returning tide. Well done • undo I ob, do !” Certainly undo 1 oh ! do ! do ! do ! do ! A recent telegram from Wellington announces the fact that a cablegram has been received from a New York firm to the effect that “ a Maori with the native costume is wanted for the Philadelphia Exhibition, His passage there and back, and his expenses in America are assured.” What a chance for some one. The costume, consisting as I hear it does of a paper collar and a bootlace, would be attainable at a very email outlay, and all expenses paid. Is there no native Sir Julius Vogel could lay on to the job ? Tito Kowaro would answer the purpose perhaps, and a placard of his performances would no doubt add considerably to the interest of the exhibit. I make a present of the suggestion to the Premier with great pleasure, and can assure him that sooner than see the colony beat for a native specimen, I’ll go myself on the terms stated and find my own wardrobe. A schoolmaster in Auckland has been fined 20s and costs for whacking a boy who came to the door of the school, made a row, and successfully tried to hit the school house with stones. The master caught him, and after getting kicked and bitten, gave him a few rib-binders. He got fined for it as above. There’s a stalwart pedagogue knocking about here who says he’d like the fining magistrate to come to his school and pitch stones at it, Knowing the doraine as well as I do, I think the Auckland beak had better keep away. There is nothing in the world like education, even if commenced late in life. With some people it is a great object to sling high toned words around. There is a lady in this province blessed with affluence who puts her dictionary about properly. She expatiates to strangers on her beautiful “revenue” of trees. In the evening, during the vesper meal, she has been heard to ask her guests to partake of “ reserved salmon,” as being most “malicious,” and on one occasion this lady having occasion to obtain the aid of the force to eject some offensive personages, asked the policeman if he would have the “ obligation” to turn out these men as they were using most “ kerosine” language. Mrs Malaprop could not beat the above, and the best of the story is, that it’s all true.