LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume V, Issue 552, 25 March 1876, Page 4

LOAFER IN THE STREET.

(Iro7ii the Press ) The Spreydon Road Board has opinions of its own. I judge so from the fact that at a recent meeting of the Board a letter was read from the chief surveyor stating that a tracing of twenty chains to the inch was in preparation in that office. The Spreydonites, after short debate, directed the clerk to reply that tUey considered a map of ten inches quite large enough. The chief surveyor will no doubt be more careful for the future in any works of magnitude in connection with the Spreydon Road Board. A member of the City Council who, from his trim appearance, gives me the idea of a man with a taste for tubs, was endeavoring to persuade a colleague to support the City Baths motion. The colleague would’nt have it, and said he could not see the necessity of expending money on such a luxury, and one which he was seldom in the habit of indu ging in himself. I hope the colleague in question has seen the error of his ways in—both respects. The portion of the paper devoted to births, deaths, and marriages may be, and doubtless is to many, a very interesting item, but it is not amusing as a rule. As I think I once before remarked, one can raise a smile when Jones’ wife has her seventeenth baby, and Jones in the pride of his heart requests home papers to copy, so that all Europe may know of the circumstance and rejoice accordingly. But there is a phase of advertising marriages which is very charming. It is when a man advertises the pedigree of himself and wife, running back even unto the third and fourth generations. Who the mischief cares to know that Tumblejogs’ great grandfather ran a carriage factory in Long Acre, or that his wife’s father lived at some remote period in Calcutta. A man who can trace his pedigree back to the Conquest has perhaps something to be proud of ; but it don’t prove that he can split rails better than you or me, and the man who only wants the public to know that his grandfather was in a position to drive a tax-cart does not —to put it mildly —impress us to any large extent. A contemporary is responsible for the following James was found guilty at the criminal sessions of attempting to commit suicide by cutting his throat. The deceased was suffering at the time from the effects of drink. He was remanded for sentence.” Shakespeare was right—” The evil that men do lives after them,” but at present I’m pained to say I can’t make out whether the deceased is alive or dead. Some letters appeared recently in the papers in reference to boys driving carriers’ carts. The writers appeared to be under the impression that the youths in question were not old enough to be able to manage the horses entrusted to their care with safety to their owners and the general public. They may be right j but if so, it will be the first instance on record of a Canterbury youth above the age of nine being unable to do any thing—not as well, but a great deal better than any of his seniors. There are no boys here above nine j they become men then, and teach others. Drive an express waggon 1 Why they would teach Ned Devine to drive six-in-hand. I have lately come across a New Zealand journal entitled Enoch. It is a paper devoted to the consideration of prophecy and Other matters. The advertising is conducted in a really original style. Each advertisement is headed with a Scriptural text, which is supposed to lead you up to what is to follow. Thus ” Over Edom will I cast out my shoe,” introduces to your notice a bootmaker. ” Owe no man anything but to love one another,” is a tailor’s exordium to the fact that customers can have “ a pair of trousers for a guinea.” “Rise Peter, kill and eat” is the text which a family butcher selects as most suitable to his business, while the local hairdresser takes the following very apposite motto—” If a man have long hair it is a shame unto him”—as a good heading to his advertisement. A local auctioneer brings himself into notice by stating that a The hand of the diligent maketh rich and the gunmaker, in support of his voca tion, quotes the following text” Take I pray thee thy weapons * * * and go out into the field and take me some venison.” It is a curious use to put Scripture to ; but it’s not the first time that the Bible has been used for business purposes, nor will it be the last.

The telegraph to Australia is a big thing. I havn’t had occasion to use it much yet, owing to the fact that the ticking of the instruments is the only kind of tick they allow at the wire warehouse. The telegrams from Australia are briefer, though perhaps more interesting, than ours ; but we do come across a curious Australian one sometimes, as thus : “ The fossil remains of a gigantic extinct herbiferous Australian marsupial diprotodon have been found in the Black Eock Plains fifteen feet below the surface.” There are telegraphic agents extant here, even unto this day, who would have wired the above as —“Found a big old man kangaroo buried alive” —but some of our agents want more descriptive faculty in setting up their goods. A gentleman writing in a West Coast paper some time since, thinks he could, under certain circumstances, give a glowing description of the solemn, majestic and serene setting of the sun behind the snowy mountains as viewed from the banks of the Waimea Water-race above Dam-Town. It’s possible a man might get into a good swing in writing about such a locality, but I wish distinctly to state that you don’t get me working up descriptive paragraphs about that place. I would’nt be seen near it. There’s an unfortunate man in this town who has frequently to amuse himself in collecting monies. He is versed in the business to a very considerable extent. He went to a client the other day. He started by trying to get cash for the full amount; then for half. Then he tried acceptances. At last, in despair, he asked when there was any chance of getting any part of the account. “ If even it could be reckoned upon with any degree of certainty before the close of the present century, it might be, the collector said, “ a comfort to him on his dying bed—that his children would not be left totally unprovided for.” Then the other man asked him if he took him for a Kangaroo, and showed him the door. I can’t see any originality in his remark, and I only quote it to show how easily some men can float along. I can’t, but then I’m not a thorough business man like the individual who thought he was taken for a kangaroo. In order to meet the numerous demands for State schools in the country districts of Victoria, the Minister of Bdncation has resolved to call for tenders for seventy portable wooden buildings. I don't know much •boat Educational matters myself, but this eeeojf a good enough plan for us to follow

down here Look at the expense we might have saved, and might still save, in buildings alone, and look what a draw an itinerant domine would be. I know several men in the teaching line who would show to advantage at the door of an educational travelling van. I fancy lean see old Sprygobbets now, standing with a volume of Nelson’s Series in one hand, and a supplejack in the other, at the door of the van, singing out “ Roll up 1 Roll up 1 now for History, Geography. Mechanics, Writing, Reading, and Arithmetic.” And I know old Rprygobbets well enough to be sure of the fact that, if the Education Show did not pay the company, he would, metaphorically speaking, “up with his tent like the Arab, and as silently steal away.” I think it would be worth Mr Knight’s while to try the itinerant school.