DETROIT ASTRONOMY.

Globe, Volume IV, Issue 474, 22 December 1875, Page 3

DETROIT ASTRONOMY.

(Detroit Free Press.)

I saw and heard him when I was going home the other evening. A big telescope was pointed heavenward from the public square, and he stood beside it and thoughtfully inquired, " Is it possible, gentlemen, that you do not care to view the wonderful works of nature above the earth ? Can it be true that men of your intellectual appearance will sordidly cling to 10 cents rather than take a look through this telescope, and bring the beauties of heaven within one and a half miles of your eyes V The appeal was too much for one young man to resist; he was a tall young man, with a long face, high cheek bones, and anxious look. He looked at the 10 cents and then at the telescope, hesitated for a single instant, and took his seat on the stool. "Here is a young man who prefers to feast his soul with scientific knowledge rather than become a sordid, grasping, avaricious capitalist," remarked the astronomer as he arranged the instrument. " Fall back, you people who prefer the paltry sum of 10 cents to a view ot the gates of paradise, and give this noble young man plenty of room! " The noble young man removed his hat, placed his eye to the instrument, a cloth was thrown over his head, and the astronomer continued—- " Behold the bright star of Venus 1 A sight of this star is worth a thousand dollars to any man who prefers education to money." There was an instant of deep silence, and then the young man exclaimed " By gosh ! " I stood behind him, and knew that the telescope pointed at the fifth story of a building across the square, where a dance was in progress. " All of them indulge in exclamations of admiration as they view the beauties and mysteries of Nature," remarked the astronomer. '' Young man, tell the crowd what you see." "I see a fellow hugging a girl!" was the prompt reply—"durned if there isn't a dozen of them ! " " And yet," continued the astronomer, " there are sordid wretches in this crowd who hang to 10 cents in preference to observing such sights as these in ethereal space. Venus is millions of miles away, and yet by means of this telescope and by paying ten cents this intellectual young man is enabled to observe the inhabitants of that far-off world hugging each other just as naturally as they do in this I" The instrument was changed again, and as the interest of the crowd increased, and the people to press nearer, the, professor said—" Now behold the planet Mars, the second largest in the heavens. It is 76,461,354 miles from here, and appears to the naked eye to be nothing more than a bright star, and yet let this young man tell you what he sees." Half a mile up the street in the top story of a big building was an evening school. The telescope got the range of one of the windows, and the young man almost leaped from the stool as he shouted, " Hokey to alligators !" "It has been asserted by college astronomers thatthe planet of Mars is not inhabited," r«markel the professor,in quiet,cutting tones. " Some of them, puff"d up with their arrogance, have called me a swindler, and have abused this in trument, which was constructed for me by order of the. late Emperor Napoleon, at a cost of 575,000<101. ; but let this observing young man tell you what he sees." "Whetstones and wiffletree?!" exclaimed the young man. "Tell them—tell them, my young friend, what you see," urged the astronomer. " There's a feller sitting on a bench beside a girl I saw him pinch her ear, and she hit him with a book. Darn my buttons, but she's allfired purty." " Gentlemen, lam no blowhard," said the professor, in husky tones ; " I do not want to say what this telescope can do. lou have the word of your fellowtownsmau, and I do not believe that any of you will dispute him. I have been called a swindler, gentleman, b; cause I go round the country tearing away from astronomy the veil of mystery with which so-called professors, drawing heavy salaries, seek to cover it. For the ridiculous sum of 10 cents lam giving you more astronomical knowledge in half au hour than any college professor can give you in six months. I demonstrate to you that the planet ot Mars is not only inhabited by human beings, but by beautiful girls with red hair, and by stylish young men wearing the best kind of store clothes. In about ten minutes I shall be ready again to explain the wonders and beauties of the sparkling heavens to such of you as prefer 1,000,000 dols worth of scientific knowledge to 10 cents in vile dross. Meanwhile, permit me to call your attention to my celebrated toothache drops—the only perfect remedy yet invented for aching teeth." JAnd yet I have every reason to believe that the professor was earnest, honest, and sincere.