THE LATE SHOW.

Globe, Volume IV, Issue 448, 20 November 1875, Page 2

THE LATE SHOW.

To the Editor of the Glode. Sir, —Among those present at the Cattle Show the other day we observed myself. You were there, too, as I gather from your remarks. Pity I didn't notice you, if you're a good one to shout. There were lots of folks who did, though ; but as I understand there were a few remained at home, reading your inimitable paper no doubt, I think for their sakes you had better give me space to express a quantity of what I opinionated on the occasion. A prominent feature of the Show was the reporting staff, whose übiquitous inquisitiveness needs no comment, and who, like some animals in the report, were " well furnished" (whatever that is) with ready pencils, on account of the pens at the Association's disposal being all occupied by the cattle. Most of those gifted beings had been thoughtfully provided with pens and envelopes, but were unable to record their impressions for wanl of ink and paper, an omission which I men. tion in order to have it rectified on future occasions, though it's the asses chiefly who take to writing. The Governor and Inspector Buckley, and some more constables, ably represented the majesty of the law, as you well remark, some of the single bobbies especially being extremely majestic. But how ever did you come to say that their office was a siuecure, in spite of " the number of recent arrival? from England," or something to that effect ? Oh, fie ! The English are surely not such n lot as that. If you had said we were orderly, notwithstanding the number of Irishmen imported, it would have been intelligible. By-the-way, when you report the City Councils and Synods, and hilarious assem blages of that sort, how is it you never add. "A body of police were present to keep order, but happily their services! were not

required ?" Is it your well-known regard for truth that prevents you saying so ? Just, explain, if you can, wherein is the wherefore of this thy thusness ? But I must hurry on to the other animalr, The horses were what I call dolicho-cephalic entities undoubtedly, for you see I must be very guarded in my language, considering that most of their owners have got whips. There was some bother over a foal of some body's, which made its exit subsequent to its entry, which seemed to me the natural sequence of things, though most folks call it an accident. But lam pleased to observe the committee are going to frame rules to permit of foals dying off that way, though I don't expect many exhibitors will jump at the privilege. Memo.—Hadn't they better make another rule to meet the emergency of hens accidentally laying during the exhibition, or of black-faced sheep becoming white within the same interval ?—a phenomenon that has been known to occur, especially when handled by strangers. I feel more at home among the dairy cattle somehow. lam a maritime man myself, but I have always reckoned it my duty to feel an interest in the milkmaid and her occupation, considering that we both get our living by the water. I admire the system of judging cattle by points. Some of the lean ones, in particular, have a lot of points about them. Some people think differently, though. I ventured the remark to an exhibitor whose animals could have traced a " strain" from Pharaoh's establishment. He said in reply, " without any unnecessary reference to courtesy," as the Minister for Education said to a school chairman lately, that I must be an objurgated fool. I took no notice of his insult, as I saw he was mistaken somehow ; in fact, I think me for the said Minister. »( Looking down the sweet-breathed rows of Beauties and Blossoms and Butterflies—some of which papilionaceous creatures were desirous enough to touch the hem of my garment with their antenna; —l am induced to ask how they work these holiday appellations in everyday life ? Do you imagine, oh simple Editor, that anyone actually ever said such a thing as " Bail up, Queen of the Butterflies, you reprehensible lower animal," or takes time to utter " Seraphina the XV." deliberately, when the business in hand is not to deduce her pedigree out of " dam Seraphina the XIV.," but to get her out of the cabbage garden 1 I'll take my " davy" they don't. Talking of bullocks, I know that when the punchator expostulates with the team, the best part of his sentences is occupied with calumnious epithets, leaving only just breath enough for monosyllabic proper names. Cattle Show frequenters have no taste for firearms. One unsuccessful showman was quite down in the muzzle because the critics made a butt of his stock; another's horse was condemned for being too long in the barrel. and the sheep of a third were lightly esteemed for too great a tendency to locks and pieces After that, it is not surprising to hear that a gentleman who hoped to arrive at distinction by the ram-road failed in the attempt, or that disappointed exhibitors of the genus ovis pulled their faces to such an elongated oval as reminded me of Lord's ground, which I daresay you know is a different place from God's Acre. One compassionate farmer attributed his neighbour's failure in pigs to the bad weather of the day before, for, said he. " He's a rasher man than I ham, to have his pigs stuck out of doors in a sow maister." Taking it altogether, there's a deal of inspiration in a Christchurch Cattle Show. I had very nigh written a poem, called the "Common Lot," on the occasion, only it was borne in upon my mind like that James Montgomery had composed it previously. As he was a pious sort of man, who would not have witnessed a horsey meet, I have no doubt he wrote it after visiting a Cattle Show, Paper and patience fail me, or I would have amplified on my impressions of the sewing machines, which I hope the buyers won't find to be but so-so ing machines ; and how the fleas were conveyed off the ground in the ears of the Unsuccessful ; and how the capricious Capricorns didn't come to be exhibited, as there was no class for them, but merely sent their skins per Mr Wilson, while they themselves doubtless were capering as merrily as ever in their bones. In fact, I find I am but beginning, and shall therefore end at once. Yours, &c, AGRICOLA.