LYTTELTON LEGENDS, No. 8.

Globe, Volume IV, Issue 365, 13 August 1875, Page 3

LYTTELTON LEGENDS, No. 8.

DRAMATIC. So the performance is to repeated, is it ? and the British public will have another opportunity of seeing th° Turkish lianaaths. Pawnbrokers are to be discarded and muddled swells substituted ; oo mo umbers are also to be grown early in the season, POOR TOM. How about the house in Oxford street, and our worthy sexton ? WINTER EVENING READINGS. The man who did all the work has retired on his laurels, and the unfortunate beings who are left on the committee are endeavouring to get up a feeble entertainment. How they can dare to do so after the fearful fiat of cessation hurled at the people’s heads that Friday night we do not know, but they have dared , and they mean to do. When at the committee meeting the chairman gave them up the members cried out (to use a Scotticism) for Mair (Mayor) and Mair came, and more will come, and what with a little musical management and some Mair influence Nicodemus unhesitatingly affirms that the next entertainment will be the best of the season. relics of the mitre. Scattered over Lyttelton, here, there, and everywhere; one lady relic at Coles, one at the Albion, one at the British; the three roses that formerly bloomed on one stem roughly severed by terrible fire. Those decanters too, Burrell’s decanters, why were they sold at the sale ? Surely they might have been left with the old gentleman. Burrell himself the patriachof New Zealand waiters, the deity that presided over our first and last drinks in Canterbury, where is he? After several days spent in contemplation the ruins of the old Mitre he joined the British forces, and right valiantly protects the upper bar as such a veteran should. the pikenix. Fiercely flamed the raging fire tongues, Loud the warning bell did ring, When amidst the burning furnace Did the Mitre’s genius sing. Welcome, welcome fierce destruction, Flames around me loving creep ; Long have I been very weary, And I fain would sink to sleep. I am very, very rotten, Badly planned and badly built, Kept erect by means of paper, Varnish, decorations, gilt. When a former parson stumbled, Through my boards his feet they came, Since this sacrilege I shudder, Welcome, welcome kindly flame. Through the vista of the future, I a glorious vision see,_ 'Wfien the Mitre redivivus, Shall arise in majesty. Hark ! I hear some beauteous music, Swell through Dampier’s wooded glen, Yes, they’re coining to the rescue — ’Tis the gallant Cameron men! They will build me tall and stately, Finish’d well without, within, Many a guest shall quaff my brandy, Roederer, whiskey, rum, and gin. Come then, fire, and clasp me warmly To your raging, lurid breast, Like the fabled phoenix sinking, In your hot embrace to rest. Like the fabled bird, too, rising, From the flaming, fiery strife, To a statelier existence, To a yet more prosperous life. STRANGE, IF TRUE, Last Monday we observed that our bailiff looked very weary and miserable, and on enquiry discovered that he imagined that an unfortunate wretch he had been sueing for a long time must have made away with himself, as he was nowhere to be found. The whole town interested itself —Joey and Euston George, the Baron, Jacob’s-son, Postmaster, Telegraphists, Councillors, all joined in the chase, but the missing man was nowhere to be found. At last the shades of evening fell, and the youthful but intelligent manager of the British Hotel reared a giant ladder to light the monstrous lamp in front of that noble institution. What was his amazement at discovering the missing man crouched in a. corner of the lamp. _lt appears he had subsisted on sea gulls, which he had captured by means of throwing a little salt on their „tails when they alighted on the fancy work on the top of the lamp. When discovered, he said he regretted lie had not been left for another day, in order that he might have completed his tour round the lamp, as he had only partially inspected it. abolition. Nicodemus wants to know if any abolition meeting is to be held in Lyttelton, as he knows of lots of things that ought to be abolish’d as well as the provinces. He will give a list of them next week. FIRE POLICE. Yes, that member was tight that night of the fire, and he ought, like the provinces, to be abolish’d.

Wanted Known— That not one cent of the £250, in Bank of England notes, which got astray at the Mitre the night of the tire, has been discovered. It is supposed that they were burned. Wanted, the ratepayers to know that Councillor Allright would dismiss all the Council's labourers, and leave the streets in the mess they are in at present. Wanted Known— That all incompetent minds have a horror of what are commonly called facts. This accounts, I suppose, for William making that presumptuous speech to the ratepayers re introducing questionable people to the Council Board. Wanted Known— That the railway porter who turned policeman the other day, is going to receive a gratuity for his zeal in the service. Wanted Known— That Harry has got a mania for finance, but is sorry that the mania cannot suggest a means to relieve the Council of their bankrupt state. Wanted the Mayor to know that it devolves upon him to see that on October the 30th the Council has no overdraft, but _ a balance to its credit, as was the case in Harry’s time, ’Wanted the coroner to know that we will only keep dead mens bones twenty-four hours instead of forty-eight after this date. NICODEMUS.