DE OMNIBUS REBUS.

Globe, Volume IV, Issue 359, 6 August 1875, Page 4

DE OMNIBUS REBUS.

“Now, Alice, dear, let me impress one thing upon your mind ; don’t be rude with the other little girls at the party . And, mother,” replied the quick-witted pet, let me impress one thing upon your mind ; don t come away till the party’s over. „ “ There was a severe coughing nt, re marked a sexton to an undertaker, when they were taking a glass together. UU, ’ti g nothing, save a little ale which went down the wrong way,” replied the undertaker, “ Ah, ah ! that’s just like you, said the sexton; “you always lay the coffin on the late tourist season a traveller walked up to the bar of an hotel in the lake district, and with a considerable flourish signed the visitors’ book, and exclaimed, “ I’m lieutenant-governor of —. mat doesn’t make any difference, said the landlord “you’ll be treated as well as the rest. “I remember,” said Mr King, in the green-room of Drury-lane, “ that when I had been a short time on the stage, I performed one night King Richard, gave two comic songs, played in an interlude, danced a hornpipe, spoke a prologue, afterwards harlequin, in a sharing company ; and after all this fatigue my share came to threepence and two pieces of candle. How do you account for this I me compass has four points, and yet a pair of compasses only has two. The mother who saw a baby prettier than ter own tas been sent to a lunatic asylum. “Doctor,” said a wife to the practitioner who was cutting her husband’s shirt as he was in a fit of apoplexy—“ cut if you please along the seam.” . , , “Raising the wind” is now denominated more especially “exciting the financial ASolus,” and “ executed the responsibility on my own personal curve,” is also now used in lieu of a potent phrase. “ Nothing,” says a philosopher. IN ©tiling shows one who his friends are like prosperity and ripe fruit, I had a good frumd in the country whom I almost never visited except in cherry time.” Take away my first letter, I remain unchanged ; take away my second letter, there is no apparent alteration; take away all my letters, and I continue unaltered—The letter carrier. , , . . An Irishman who was engaged at a dram, and had his pickaxe raised in the air just as the clock struck twelve, determined to work no more until after dinner, let go the pickaxe, and left it hanging there. The difference in natures was well illustrated at a railway terminus. Two sisters met. “Oh, my dear sister!” said one, exhaustedly, as they embraced. “You’ve been eating onions,” said the other, calmly and fearlessly. . , . The habit of always being employed is a great safeguard through life, as well as essential to the culture of every virtue. Bashfulness is often like the plating on spoons—when it wears oft, it shows the bi*ciss. “Can’t you make any allowance for a man’s being drunk « Certainly !” said the judge, “I’ll allow you thirty days in the workhouse. ” . A little girl, four years old, created a ripple by remarking to the teacher of her Sunday school class: “Our dog’s dead, I bet the angels was scared when they see him coming up the walk. He’s cross to strangers. “ Will the boy who threw that pepper on the stove please come up here and get a nice present of a book,” said a Sunday school superintendent in lowa. But the boy never moved. He was a far seeing boy. “ Can’t the Chinese be trained to eat grasshoppers ?” is the question that agonises one part of the West; while another is risen with anguish ovor the inquiry, “ Can’t they train the grasshoppers to eatj the Chinese 1