MR COOLEY’S TROUBLES.

Globe, Volume III, Issue 274, 28 April 1875, Page 3

MR COOLEY’S TROUBLES.

When Mr Cooley came into church last Sunday, he placed his new high hat just outside the pew in the aisle. Presently Mrs Pitman entered, and as she proceeded up the aisle, her abounding skirts scooped Cooley’s hat and rolled it up nearly to Tthe pulpit. Cooley pursued his hat with feelings of indignation, and when Mrs Pitman took her seat he walked back, brushing the hat with his sleeve. A few moment later, Mrs Hopkins came into church, Cooley had again placed his hat in the aisle, Mrs Hopkins’ skirts struck it and swept it along about twenty feet, and left it lying on the carpet in a demoralised condition. Cooley was singing a hymn at the time, and he didn’t miss it. But a moment later, when he looked over the end. of the pew to see if it was safe, he was furious to perceive that it was gone. He skirmished up the aisle after it again, red in the face, and uttering sentences which were horribly out of place in the sanctuary. However, he put the hat down again and determined to keep his eye on it; but just as he turned his head away for a moment, Mrs Smiley came in, and Cooley looked around only in time to watch the hat being gathered in under Smiley’s skirts, and carried away by them. He started in pursuit, and just as he did so his hat must have rolled against Mrs Smiley’s ankles for she gave a jump and screamed right out in church. When her husband asked her what was the matter, she said there must be a dog under her dress, and she gave her skirts a twist. Out rolled Cooley’s hat, and Mr Smiley being very near sighted thought it was a dog, and immediately kicked it so savagely that it flew up into the gallery and lodged on top of the organ. Cooley, perfectly frantic with rage, forgot where he was, and holding his clinched fist under Smiley’s nose, he shrieked, “Ive half a mind to bust you over the snoot ! ” Then he flung down his hymn book and rushed from the church. He went home bareheaded, and the sexton brought his humiliating hat around after dinner. After this, Cooley intends to go to Quaker meetings, where he can say his prayers with his hat upon his head.