Untitled

Globe, Volume III, Issue 270, 23 April 1875, Page 3

Slight Mistake. —Husband; “ Confound the hair-eil! how it sticks Wife: “ Oh, Harry, that is not the hair-oil: it must be the baby’s soothing syrup.” A lecturer, addressing an audience, contended, with tiresome prolixity, that art could not improve nature, until one of his hearers, losing all patience, set the room in a roar by exclaiming, “ How would you look without you wig ? ” A lady teacher inquired of the members of a class of juveniles if any of them could name the four seasons. Instantly the chubby hand of a five-year-old was raised, and promptly came the answer : “Pepper, salt, vinegar, and mustard. ” Life is very uncertain to a man who doesn’t subscribe for one or more papers. A Decatur (111.) man who was attacked by a footpad with a dagger, a few days ago, owes the preservation of his life to several newspapers in his breast pocket, which prevented the blade from entering his side. “ Stranger, will you try a hand with us at poker ! ” “ Thank you, gentlemen, but there are seventeen reasons why I cannot accommodate you just now.” “ Seventeen reasons for not playing cards ! Pray, what are they ! ” “ Why, the first is, I haven’t any money.” “ Stop ! that’s enough ; never mind the other sixteen.” A doctor and a preacher met on the street the other day and commenced bandying words about physical prowess. The preacher said one blow from his fist would show the doctor what “blue mass” was. The doctor replied that if the preacher wanted to learn a cheap method of “ spreading the Gospel,” he would advise him to run against his fist. ~{Olasgow (Mo.) Times.