MR COOLEY'S GOLGOTHA.

Globe, Volume II, Issue 186, 13 January 1875, Page 3

MR COOLEY'S GOLGOTHA.

"When Mr Cooley came into church last Sunday, he placed his new high hat just outside the pew in the aisle. Presently Mrs Pitman entered, and as she proceeded up the aisle her abounding skirts scooped Cooley's hat, and rolled it up nearly to the pulpit. Cooley pursued his hat with feelings of indignation, and when Mrs Pitman took her seat he walked back brushing his hat with his sleeve. A few moments later Mrs Hopkins came into the church, and as Cooley had again placed bis hat in the aisle, Mrs Hopkins's skirts struck it and swept it along about twenty feet, and left it lying on the carpet in a demoralised condition, Cooley was singing a hymn at the time, and he , didn't miss it. But a moment later, when lie looked over the end of the pew to see if it was safe, he was furious to perceive that it' was gone. He skirmished up the aisle after it again,.red in the face, and uttering sentences which were horribly out of place. However, he put the hat down again, and determined to keep his eye on it. but just as he had turned his head away for a moment, Mrs Smalley came in, and Cooley looked round only in time to watch the hat being gathered in under Mrs Smalley's skirts, and carried away by them. He started in pursuit, and just as he did so the hat must have rolled against Mrs Smiley's ankles, for she gave a jump and screamed right out in church. AVhen her husband askod her what was the matter, she said there must be a dog under her dress, and she gave her skirts a twist. • Out rolled Cooley's hat, and Mr Cooley being very near-sighted, thought it was a dog, and immediately kicked it savagely, flung down his hymn-book, and rushed from the church. He went home bareheaded,- and the sexton brought his humiliated hat round after dinner. Cooley intends to join the Quakers, and say his prayers With his hat on his head.