DE OMNIBUS REBUS.

Globe, Volume II, Issue 103, 29 September 1874, Page 3

DE OMNIBUS REBUS.

An old winehibber says that an empty champagne bottle is like an orphan, because it has lost its pop. A Vermont man went over to an island to live as Robinson (Jrusoe did, but his wife followed with a club, and his solitary life lasted only three hours.

It is pleasant to remember that not an hour passes in the unceasing march of time but that there is a half-dressed man somewhere on the earth calling for a shirt-button. An exchange announces a death in high life in this fashion: —' The Dowager Duchess of Richmond is dead. She led an eventful life, and was passionately fond of boiled salmon.'

A Melbourne paper says that a Dutchman, who in place of inserting the usual notice to the effect that '' The procession will move from the late residence of the deceased," &c, boldly commenced and finished his black letter advertisement by saying, "I will burn my mother-in-law at 2 p.m. to-morrow." An old man in New Jersey, earnest in his advocacy of the cause of linguistic lore, burst forth at a recent school meeting with ' Feller citizens, we ought to purchase a new dissentary for this skule room, for even I don't fully understand the dissignification of words !'

A poor boy who had been on the ' tramp ' all day, called not long since, in the gloaming, at the house of a Dumfriesshire farmer, and thus addressed the farmer's wife—- ' Mistresss, could you oblige me wi' a drink o' watter, for I'm that hungry I dinna ken where I'll sleep the nicht ?' '' Be careful how you drink, or you'll wash the color from your cheeks!" said a gentleman at a fashionable party, as he handed a glass of water to a lady. " There is no danger of you ever taking water enough to remove the color from your face," was the good-natured retort. She rather had him there.

In a mixed assembly of Turks and English, where a lady of the latter country happened to be present, a gentleman, a near relative, was overruled by her in some undertaking, and he, turning to the Pascha next him, observed, " You see how the ladies command us;" to which he replied, with great unction, '' I can assure you it is precisely the same with us!"

Miss Kitty, daughter of Dr Jones, physician, loves her father and takes an interest in his profession. The other day a lady friend called to see her, and asked her how she was and how she was getting on. ' Oh, pretty well," answered Miss Kitty, 'pretty well; plenty of colds, some bronchitis, and a little typhus fever ; but, as papa said yesterday, to make things lively, what we need is a nice little epidemic.' Some young tourists, travelling recently in Wales, became inordinately thirsty, and stopped for milk at a house by the roadside. They emptied every basin that was offered, and still wanted more. The woman of the house at length brought an enormous bowl of milk, and set it down on the table, saying, ' One would think, gentlemen, you had never been weaned.'

A Yale student has written a twelve verse poem, entitled, 'We kissed each other by the sea.' 'Well, what of it ?' asks a Western journalist; ' the seaside is no better for such practice than any other locality. In fact, we have put in some very sweet work of that kind on the tow path of a canal in our time, but did not say anything about it in

print.' The Legislature of Massachusetts has lately passed a law fixing a pound and a half as the minimum weight of a dozen eggs. This is a move in the right direction, and we hope other states will follow it up. An egg from a well-fed fowl is heavier and richer than an en-g from a common fowl that is oidy halffed ; and it is time that this old style of buying and selling eggs by number instead of weight should be discontinued. It discourages the breeder of blooded and fine fowls to find that their large eggs fetch no more than the small and poor produce of inferior poultry. Two cases of heavy play (a London correspondent states) are now being talked of in West End circles. At one of the best Fall Mall clubs the other evening a foreign Frince, who resides chiefly in England, won £4OOO at ecarte from a young gentleman whose conduct is not at all excused by the fact that he will have considerable difficulty in paying the money, if he ever pays it at all. At another club, little further west, a certain gallant captain, renowned for his astuteness on the turf, was clever enough to lose £2OOO to a well-known baronet at hazard, but in this case a cheque was handed over on the spot.