DE OMNIBUS REBUS.

Globe, Volume II, Issue 101, 26 September 1874, Page 4

DE OMNIBUS REBUS.

Mark Twain is writing a book on his English experiences. “ You must do a little more work, Sandy, when I am absent,” said an employer to a half-wit engaged in making mortar. “Ay, ay,” was the reply ; “ I’m jist as busy whin yer awa’ as when yer no here.” Little Girl (to fond father who is in the habit of making conundrums): “ I think I have made a good conundrum.” Fond Father : “ Well, what is it ?” Little Girl : “ Why is a steam engine like a kettle 1 ” Father; “ Well, why ?” Girl: “ Oh’, I haven’t made the answer yet.” An American literary gentleman, after the nightmare, wants to give his remarks upon ghosts. He says:—“A ghosts is about sft Tin in height, and weighs from 4oz to 6oz. They aint afraid ov nothing, and will hang around a graveyard az kareless az a skoolboy will around a norchard in green-apple time. They are like a grate menny other things in this world—often heard ov, but seldum seen. I will give 1500 dols to see a ghost, and 250 dols more to own one ; but i want one kaught whole and not hurt. Mi friend Phineas T. Barnum will take a whole drove ov them at the same price per ghost, and not quarrel about the gender. Therefore bring your ghosts.” Two men had a quarrel in a liquor shop. They adjourned outside to settte the distpute. The first man, being from Connaught, immediately seized a lump of stone and let fly at the head of his opponent, who dipped his head and missed the stone, which went through an expensive plate-glass window, and did much damage. A magistrate was called upon next morning to determine which of the two should pay the cost. The evidence clearly showed that the aim was a good one, and that if the second man had not dipped his head he would have been struck. “ Therefore,” said the magistrate, “he must pay the damages, as it is certain the first man didn’t intend to injure the window, and the window would not have been injured if it had not been for the act of the second man.”