MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume I, Issue 77, 29 August 1874, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

What is that, children? asked a young pastor, exhibiting to his Sunday-school a magic-lantern picture of a poor sinner clinging to a cross towering out of stormy waves in mid-ocean. Robinson Crusoe 1 was the instant reply. The prominent pious women of Boston are described by Norah I ' Perry as “ given Ujo lankiness, slinkiness, and an ironed-down-in-the-back expression.” “ Sweet are the uses of adversity/’ rg marked Johnny, as his mother gave him a cake of maple-sugar to compensate for a fall down the cellar stairs. ■ Mr Benjamin Johnson has been sent to prison for attempting to-burn his Vvife. Had he prudently kicked her to death, he would have got off better ; but cremation is not popular yet. An Indianapolis gentleman’s claim for divorce is based on the ground that when he married, four weeks ago, his wife’s hair was black; but now it is red enough to entitle her to the front rank in a torchlight procession. “Husband, if an honest man is God’s noblest work, what is an bonest woman “ His rarest, dear,” was the uncivil reply. A doll at the fair is named Belladonna. Belladonna is a good name for a fine doll ; how would it do to christen a cheap dollar doll “ Dollabella ? ” A country newspaper, which recently spoke of “buttered thunder,” and was asked by a contemporary if that had any affinity to “ greased lightning,” manifested some auger in explaining that muttered thunder was what was intended. An elderly fat gentleman, in discussing a warm breakfast at an inn, called to the waiter ; “ Donald, bring me more bread ; I eat a good deal of bread to my steak.” Donald answered, with much simplicity, “ Ay, please your honour, and eat a good deal of steak to your bread.” The Woman’s Crusade has already produced 80, 000 newspaper puns, of which the threat of the saloon-keepers to malt-treat their visitors is perhaps the best—that is, the worst. “ Don’t you take rather too much spirit for a single man ? ” asked a kind man of one who was indulging pretty freely; “I beg pardon, sir ; I have been married this ten years,” was the answer. An Oregon paper says:—“John B. Peak ran off with a Benton country girl and married here, —for which he was prosecuted in the circuit court at Corvallis ; but the jury got sight of the pretty wife whom he got by the operation, and unanimously voted that they would have done it too.” Master Covillo received a prize Friday afternoon for a composition on Reverence, and further distinguished himself in his evening, on the occasion of the pastor s visit, by shutting the tails of the dominie’s coat in the parlor door, and impelling him to leave them there by introducing a pin in his chair. The pastor returned home with a cloud on his brow, and one of Colville s coats on his back, leaving Master Coville executing a hornpipe in the woodshed, under the auspices of his father. There may be something in a name, for the very polite Boston papers call their Foundling Asylum a “Refuge for Anonymous Infants,” while Chicago, with the most finished etiquette, announces a “ Ranche for babies born on the European plan.” A fop, in company, wanting his servant, called ont—“ Where’s that blockhead of mine ? ” “On your shoulders, sir,” said a lady. A rural Vermont newspaper announces that its minimum charge fer a first-class marriage notice will be 151 b of dried apples. Notices with “poetry” cost 121 b of onions more.— Land and Water. The Grashdanin, a Russian paper noted for its good Court intelligence, says that in numerous letters to her family and fiiends the Duchess of Edinburgh describes her life in England as perfect happiness, bhe speaks with great gratitude of the cordial and friendly reception she has met with from all with whom she has come into contact the Queen, the Royal Family, the Court, and the people at large. The hitters have occasioned great satisfaction in St Petersburg. A philosopher writes in relation to the discovery of the Italian chemist to harden the human body into a stony, oak-like substance: After death, with such material, you might rock you seventh child in a cradle composed of that seventh child’s greatgrandmother. Or you might have a whole family of poor relations worked up into an elegant dining-table, with extension leaves. How beautifully and appropriately deceased individuals could continue to do good in the same spheres of usefulness which they ornamented in life.