THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume I, Issue 74, 26 August 1874, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

There have been stirring times in the political world. You know, politics aint altogether my line, but we must take an interest in these things, even if we don't quite understand them. Mr Vogel has been going in for forestry. I'm a Forester. For displaying a green banner in a procession I have few equals, and at yearly banquets I have no superiors. I have never in my forestry experience come against much trees, but I should like to know more of them. I am therefore glad, very glad, to learn that Mr Vogel hopes that one of the outcomes of the Act will be that promising young men might have an opportunity of making themselves acquainted with the art of forestry in other parts of the world than New Zealand. I say I'm glad of this, because.we have so many promising young men who would be glad of the job ; but I hear from a private source that Mr Vogel intends the Superintendents of the various provinces to be the " promising young men " when Provincialism and their occupation shall be for ever gone. The Emperor Charles the Fifth took to growing cabbages in his old age, and said he liked it better than politics. It's not everyone knows this, but anyhow here history is about to repeat itself. In a brief year it may that our Superintendents may be seen leaving their country for their country's good, and learning at the antipodes about oaks, eucalyptusses, cabbages, seakale, and other kinds of forestry. Talking of eucalyptus, 1 have observed the advertisements of Mr Henry in your paper. I have been struck with them. There is an increasing intensity about them that is very charming. lam glad the eucalyptus is so useful a tree. It can fence a paddock, and cure anything from cold to mortification. I believe this ; but oh I gentle Henry, why not drag forth a testimonial or two, after the fashion of Mr Holloway, from some dear old orphan of eighty.years, who has suffered from a complication of diseases for half his life, and been completely cured by three bottles of your inestimable preparation. That wonld knock the public, and I don't mind being the old orphan. This is the season when columns of ploughing matches fill the souls of your readers with exciting thrUlments. Ido like reading about feering and square ridges, and I like to read the after-dinner speeches of honest old farmers on what Mr Edwards says is the only day in the whole year when they can exchange ideas. Therefore it is that next year I mean to share the labors of your Kaiapoi special; and I promise a faithful report. Some of the prizes given at these agricultural festivals, are very pretty; as thus: " for the best seed furrow (whatever that may be), a pair of Cookham boots;" "for the best groomed horse, a brush and comb;" "for the best ins and outs, a hat." How happy must be the recipients! The winner of the boots probably treads the ground with an elastic tread unknown to him before, while the winner of the brush and comb can beautify his locks, and perhaps, if he be the winner of the double event, crown them with the hat which betokens him the loftiest-man at ins and outs in the district.

I am v not a tall judge of poultry. I can't pronounce with any amount of certainty on the different points of a polt. I went to the show though. The hens all seemed to wear that placid smile for which this bird is noted. There were two gentlemen had a bet about the weight of their respective birds. On the roosters going to scale there was only about an ounce difference between them. Old' Catlaps was looking on. I must tell you old Cat is a man of parts. He was the original speculator, who, holding a hand of four aces at poker, went down to the Bank to get an overdraft that he might go on. He was,found the other evening trying to light a match at the fountain by the New Zealand Bank;, and murmuring to himself—" Drink is the curse of this country, so it is." These things show old Cat's mind is established on a basis of no. ordinary kind. When the dear old soul saw the birds weighing so closely, he sighed heavily and! said, "Why, an ounce and a half of shot concealed about that rooster's, person would have won the match. Neither of these men could have read the' Jumping Frog,' or else they ain't got any,commercial speculation about them." When J. Brown has a dart at getting his name up by appearing as a drunk and incapable in the R. M. column, all the other J. B.'s in the town write to the papers to say they aiut the parties alluded to. It's rather an unnecessary proceeding, because, as I have before remarked, who upon earth cares whether they were drunk or sober. The world still rolls on in either case. I want to be very nearly as bad as Brown though. A man accused me recently of writing a letter in your columns on the subject of the Carlton yards. I wish to deny this. I should as soon think of hurling kerosene tins at my great aunt as going against such an institution as the Carlton yards. If Carltonius Grumblerissimus is annoyed, by the bleating of sheep and the lowing of cattle, he can evade it. Let him on Wednesday evenings show a contradictory spirit towards the wife of his bosom. He won't notice any bleats or lows afterwards. I feel almost certain of this, because a fellow up that way told me so. . One of the most singular beings that walks the earth is the new chum. He has been defined as a fellow that didn't know anything at home, and out here knows more than anybody else. There is a leaven of truth in this definition. Don't it strike you so? I like the idea of immigration though. I understand the colony requires more people. The Premier says we cannot bring out a large number of immigrants without some black sheep among them. This is true. I place the most unlimited credence in this statement. I place the more because I've heard some very funny stories about men who have shipped as agricultural laborers, and who on their arrival turned out to be far different. I don't mind a moneyed man working a point to get out on the cheap, because it shows talent, and we can utilise his money quite easily ; but a cove who requires Government support, and grumbles at it as insufficient, is not a payable importation. Some of our recent arrivals are very stylish workmen though. I was watching some the other day. One fellow could drive an empty barrow at the appalling rate of a quarter of a mile an hour ; another was most terrific with the shovel. He slung eight half shovelsfull of earth on the barrow in eight minutes. It was only the spell he took between each half shovel full that enabled him to maintain such a strain on his overtaxed system. Ah. I thought before long England will find the want of such bones and sinews as these. Its

rough on the old country to keep pouring 'hem in here so fast. It ain't that \vc can't absorb them. We are death ou absorption here. We are, quite quitely, but I fear England will feel the drain.

A fellow came to inn the other day wanting a governess. I'm not an authority on such matters you know, but I've always been given to understand that a governess was a lady who was supposed to be able to teach everything under the sua, dam the socks, make a pudding if required, sing gladsome melodies on occasions, and be very useful and ornamental on a mild screw. I believe from what I heard from my friend I was pretty near right. He expected pretty much as above from his governess, and he thought £35 a-year ailluence. He gave his cook £4O. I like education, but I think less and less of it every day. This is thrust on me. Hawking fish pays ever so much better on capital invested.

There is an Act in force, not much in force because you can drive Cobb's coaches through it in many places, called the Employment of Females Act. It was introduced to protect a sweet sex who don't require much protection. It enacts that no female shall work more than eight hours a day. This Act is useless just now because if the workwomen dou't get through the work in the eight hours they have to take it home, and on arriving there their mamas sometimes suggest their scrubbing a grate or washing a dozen of handkerchiefs for a relief previous to sitting to work again. Some employers send the girls in as showwomen for ten minutes in the day, which puts them outside the Act. It seems Mr Bradshaw hasn't introduced quite scenes enough into his Act.

A man up in Auckland lately got fined for drunkenness 20s, or if he preferred it, fortyeight hours' imprisonment. He preferred to take it out. He said the day was rainy, and it seemed just about (> to 4 on its being rainy on the morrow. Under such circumstances he couldn't earn anything, so he decided to save the money, aud stay in Sdoors under the efficient guardianship of kind friends. There's a financier for you. I should like to learn from that man.