THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume I, Issue 24, 27 June 1874, Page 3

THE LOAFER IN THE STREET.

I like telegrams. Don’t you 1 I mean the telegrams that daily appear in the papers. I get satiated a little now and then with the prices of fowls in Wellington and the state of the Thames share market, and I don’t experience the same thrillment I used to when I read that a man in Napier or Dunedin has' broken his arm. lam getting a bit callous I expect, anyhow I can’t weep over these things as I used to. A recent telegram from Auckland informs us of a planter in Feejce who was shot by a native in revenge for shooting a pig in the garden. He (the planter I mean) requested that his body might be buried in the sea lest the natives should dig him up. His wife went out in the boat to comply with his request, got driven away to sea, and was picked up by a labor schooner, on which craft the mate hadjust been killed by a native sailor. What a plot the above would bo for a drama or a novel. But does it not show us how delicious are these sunny isles of the South Pacific where you can get shot for killing a pig if you remain ashore and can’t even be sure of resting in your grave after you are shot, and where, if you be a seafaring party, you can die by the poisoned arrow of one of your affectionate messmates. The sooner this Feejee allotment, this “Eden of all plentcousness.” gets fixed on to our other sections the better. It might put the natives in the way of getting an Education Act, a Licensing Act, and a police depot or two. These would be found useful imports by the Fijians. To return to the telegraph. A friend of mine received a message last week from a man who owed him a considerable sum of money, requesting to know the exact amount of his debt. The natural inference was that he was about to remit a cheque. Instead of this my friend saw the week after a notice of his debtor having taken the benefit of the Act. I cannot but think this was abusing an institution like the telegraph. Fancy a debtor making his creditor to go to the expense of a telegram to inform him of the exact|;amount of the liability, in order that he might insert it correctly in his schedule, and thereby do him out of the lot, which meant to the creditor paying a shilling to lose'£7o odd. The telegram is a sweet boon, but there are times when even this landmark of civilization has its drawbacks.

Has it never occurred to you what ‘an interesting section of the paper the R.M. column might be made ? Even as it stands a large majority of your readers take a deal more interest in reading how Slabbs was fined for being drunk, and how Blobb reorganised his missis with a poker, and received his deserts accordingly, than in wading through the particulars of a tea meeting, or digesting a leading article. That Cropp was summonsed by a long enduring creditor, and Flopp was* fined for a horse at large, is daily chronicled,but there are times when it would be interesting to read the remarks of both these worthies. By paying attention to these matters, the R. M. column might frequently be very instructive. An old lady, who recently had occasion to interview the Bench, was asked, “ what is your complaint?” Without the least hesitation she replied, “ partial paralysis,” I do not appreciate a witness of this description ; but why should its remarks be lost to an appreciative reading public ? The worst of vinous excitement is, that fellows ; going in for this popular branch of athletics, are so frequently a nuisance to their fellow-creatures. Amongst a numerous circle of acquaintances I have some who come to me in the state above mentioned who talk about the object of their affections; others who talk horse, and more who talk absurdly about things in general. All these are bad enough, but the worst —oh, you can bet ever so much the worst—is a man who comes and talks to me about his mother. I have sat for hours listening to this man. I have heard him weep, and seen him heave many sighs, and I have borne it patiently—so patiently; but I heard a story on the. Peninsula the other day that I thought would, if you will pardon the/expression, “ euchre” even his maternal experiences. You know, of course, the excellent reputation the Peninsula has for good roads. It is world-renowned is that reputation, and I wouldn’t go against it under five shillings : but about Le Eon’s Bay there are a few tracks not quite so well macadamised as High street. In these parts lives a man who runs the mail. He generally allows his son to run- it for him. The road is in one part slippery-slimy and spilly-like for people. The mother of the youthful mailman, knowing this, Went out and made several hundred yards of the road good, rooting up the stumps, and clearing the slips with her own hands, in order that her boy might come along safely. I like that mother. I thought, in telling this story to my sweet friend, I might choke him off a bit. This is what he said “ We were living in Canada once, and I took that bad the doctor gave me up. My mother went out, in the wintry night, cleared away the snow, and dug my grave, and planted flowers all round it, and came in quite happy after it.” “Ah,” I said sadly, for I was dead beat after this, “ did your mother really do that ?” “Well,” he said, “ she wasn’t exactly my mother—she was my mother-in-law.” He’s of a very affectionate disposition is my friend when in certain phases. . I’ve heard some droll things in the Provincial Council Chamber. I have heard some curious resolutions supported in a very curious manner, Mr Knight’s motion about the free railway passes for members extorts my admiration, but the remarks of the seconder, Mr Fisher, are wonderful in theirj originality. Mr Fisher observed that “ if the proposition were carried into effect it would cost the country nothing more as the trains would run whether the members travelled by them or not.” Such was his remark. A resolution supported on such logical grounds deserved success. It may establish a sweet precedent. Mr Fisher may now, as a member of the Council, or even in his private capacity, go to the Theatre, the Agricultural Show, or even the Metropolitan Race Meeting, free gratis and for nothing, on the ground that the performance, the show, or the races, will go on whether the hon member puts in an appearance there pr not. I am much refreshed by, the arguments of

both the proposer and seconder, and I am delighted to observe such a tendency on the part of both of these hon members to join a profession in which I feel sure they will be ornamental, and of which I am a loading member myself. Talking of hon members travelling by the rail, I understand a party of senators went up somewhere north the other day, to interview some public works. They went by invitation of one of the members of the district in which the works were situated. They did their interviewing in proper style. They dived into gravel pits. They pranced up railway lines. They sighed over sites of all kinds. They grew weary of statistics of public works. At last they got through, and, as the weary camel staggers into a better 1 pace when he secs the palmy oasis sticking out ahead, so these senatprs strode away from the scene of action, on their road to a good luncheon, as they thought. It became, however, apparent on the way that the accommodation house was the bourne to which their senatorial host was guiding them, and, as they were late, their repast was, to put it mildly, Darmecidal-like. _ At the conclusion of the feast, the host, in a burst of liberality, offered to toss them who paid for the lot. Whether the offer was accepted I know not, but on these occasions it would be better for any senator wishing to show his hon friends the advantages of his district, to use the time-honored phrase of the auctioneers, Luncheon Provided.” I should travel in better spirits myself on these terms.

Mr Jollie’s statement in the debate on the police estimates has been already quoted in your columns. Mr Jollic observed that the increase required in the police was due to the fact that a large number of persons had been attracted by the prosperity of the province who required “the attention of the members of the force,” It was, as you say, very delicately put. It was also very true. The province is doing well. We are told that, as long as we do well unto ourselves men will speak well of us. This is borne out by the recent .article in the “ Southern Cross,” which says we arc deserving of our good fortune, but thinks'Auckland ought to have stood in with us. I disagree with this article. I was about to say that Mr Jollic’s remarks on our prosperity reminds me of a friend of mine who went to .New Caledonia. He had a fancy for that sunny isle, and he went. He returned per same boat. On being asked why he came back so smart, he said, “ Well, on landing I walked all over Noumea, and studied the shops well. I couldn’t see a sign of any Scotchman being thete, and I jerked at once.” We can’t say as much here, and we are prospering. r As to our prosperous men requiring much'’ guardianship—well, some may in the sense Mr Jollie speaks of ; but, in business matters, our commercial infants are just about as well able to take care of themselves and preserve their integrity as any class of men I ever sojourned amongst. It has always been my opinion (it ain’t worth a red cent, as you know, and you’ll find lots of my personal friends who will subscribe to the statement) that there is no more harm in looking at a dead moa on a Sunday inside a building, than admiring the gorging capabilities of a six pound trout outside. I learn from your columns that for the last two Sundays about 6000 people have visited the Museum, and, strange to say, no contretemps o% any sort has occurred. What effect the opening of the Museum may have upon the rising generation I can’t say. It may cause them to become very wicked people, or it may give them a taste for stuffed animals. lam not interested in the question one way or other. Not largely I’m not, for the simple reason that it don’t affect me in any way. Philanthropy comes expensive. It is beyond my means. I’m getting a bit timid about this Museum question though. I wish, in explaining my reasons, to say that I don’t want to “ goak” at Mr Farr’s motives, but I must confess his letter to the Governors of the Museum has given me much anxiety. It has done so from the following sentence which I quote from his letter. “ Therefore, without fear, I ask them to give the question the most serious and earnest deliberation, inasmuch that I believe the effect upon our youth (if opened) will ere long prove most disastrous, &c.” Now such things as this are patent. That the effect upon our youth (if opened) will be disastrous it is impossible to doubt/ But what does it mean ? Is Dr Haast going in for a sacrificial knife and dissecting. I m not particular. lam far from it, and if I might be allowed to find the victims, I might even be brought round to think well of a little immolation, bmt in a promiscuous way never I Until the governors of the Museum are willing to give us a few more particulars of the reasons which have induced them to sacrifice these youthful innocents, I shall look upon that institution with the lion, the alligator, and all its. stuffed sabbatical attractions, with mistrust and horror.