MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume I, Issue 12, 13 June 1874, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

" O Nanny, wilt thou gang with me ?" as the thief said when he was trying to steal a goat.

In Kansas, the mode of stating that a man was killed in a fight or brawl, is to say, "He died with his boots on."

An American lecturer of note solemnly said one evening—" Parents, you may have children, or, if you have not, your daughters may have." A negro boy, in New York, six years of age, has a picture primer to teach him his letters. One of the pictures is that of a bull chasing a boy, which the little Ethiop watches from day to day, gleefully exclaiming, " He ha'n't cotched 'im yit." " Do you mean to say," said a traveller to a Missouri sheriff, " that a man was shot here yesterday because he was caught in the act of carrying off a rope ?"—" Yes," quietly answered the sheriff," but there was a horse at the end of the rope." A gentleman, whose indolence is quite pronounced, ties his fish-line to his dog, and when there is a bite the only exertion he is required is to kick the dosr.

" Where do hail from ?" asked a Yankee of a stranger—" Where do you rain from ?" was the counter question— ■' Rain !" said the Yankee; " I don't rain from anywhere." " Neither do I hail," said the stranger ; " so just see if you can't acquire a competency by minding your own business." jj |We never yet heard man or woman much abused, that we were not inclined to think the better of them ; and to transfer any suspicion or dislike to the person who appeared to take delight in pointing out the defects of a fellow creature.

Anguish of mind has driven thousands to suicide, anguish of body few. This proves that the health of the mind is of far more importance than the health of the body, although both are deserving of much more attention than either of them receives. A millionaire who lives in Fifth Avenue, New York, gave a testimonial to a chiropodist which t >stifies that " several years ago he successfully extracted several corns from my feet without pain, as also members of my family, and they have not returned since that time."

" Husband," said the wife of a young clergyman, " read me one of your sermons ; I feel dreadfully wakeful to-night, and wish to sleep." Nine girls at a place called Whampoa, in China, conceived such a dread of married life as they saw it in the families with which they were living, that they met at a river, and, sewing their gaimcnts altogether, jumped in and were drowned. '• I thought you were born on the Ist of April," said a husband to his lovely wife, who had mentioned the 21st as her birthday, "Most reople would think so, from the choice I made of a husband," was the reply. A new stylo of boys' trousers has been invented in America, with a copper seat, sheetiron knees, riveted down the seams, and waterproof pockets to hold broken eggs. A man was boasting that he had been married twenty years and had never given his wife a cross word. Those who knew her say he didn't dare to, but he never mentioned it.

A German pedlar sold a man a liquid for the extermination of bugs. 'And how do you use it?'inquired the man, after he had bought it. " Ketch to bug, un drop von little drop into his mout,' answered the pc:llar. "The deuce you do I" exclaimed the purchaser : " I could kill it in half the time by stamping on it." " Veil," calmly exclaimed the German, "dat is a very good vay too." An Ohio clergyman makes a report that once ho married a couple, and the man said, "Be short ibe short!' I said, "Yes, I can do it in three minutes." " That's right," he said. I saw that there waa some little dissatisfaction on the part of the other half. 'I said, "You don't want to have it too short ?' "No" she said, " a body don't want to get herself tied up so for nothing." The other day a lady fell off the Brooklyn (New York) boat into the East river ; a poor Irishman sprang and rescued her. When she was safe on deck again, her husband, who had been a calm spectator of the accident, handed the brave fellow a shilling. Upon some of the bystanders expressing indignation, Pat said, as be pocketed the money, " Arrah, don't blame the jintleman—he knows best ; mayhap, if I hadn't saved her, he have give me a dollar !" An aeronautical society of Paris, the "Aerial Sport," has published (says " Nature") a programme of an aerial spring meeting to be held in the neighbourhood of Paris, very likely Vesinet. The object is to send in the air small fire balloons canying des ticches Ulumces, whose length has been calculated so that the cargo of the balloon may fall close to a post chosen. Every champion is to choose his own wind; but nobody has a right to approach closer to the post than three mileß. It is a kind of drill for shelling a place with balloons by taking advantage of the wind. A New York paper says that the approaching great Musical Jubilee will be done on a big scale; the chromatic scale will be nothing to the way this will be managed. Gunpowder and nitro-glycerine will be employed to blow the organ, and a trumpet blast may be expected by the same agency. All the leading bakers are now employed in preparing rolls for the drums. Skilled navigators have been sent out to bring Cape Horn, and an experienced musician has been engaged to blow it. The Trump of Fame is expected to be present, if it is not played out. An amateur who plays upon words will perform a duet with another who blows a cloud. The Chinese National Hymn will be performed by the band of the Emperor of China, who are expected in junks. In their absence, three hundred cats and sixty sawfilers have been secured to prevent disappointment. Finally, a well known lecturer will give a new version of the March of Progress, with full orchestral and vocal acpaniment. One dark night, not long ago, a burglar entered a private residence in a country town. On ascending one flight of stairs he observed a light in a chamber, and while deliberating what to do a large large woman suddenly descended upon him, seized him by the throat, pushed him down through the hall, and forced him into the street before he had time to think. " Heroic Repulse of a Burglar by a Woman," was the way the story appeared in. the newspapers the next day. But when her friends called and congratulated her upon her courage, Bhe exclaimed " Good gracious! I didn't know it was a burglar. If 1 had, I should have been frightened to death. I thought it was my husband come home late again, and I was determined he shouldn't stay in the house in that condition."