MARK TWAIN STORIES.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2347, 13 November 1908, Page 6

MARK TWAIN STORIES.

(“M.A.P.”)

Mark Twain has the faculty of finding humor in the most, unexpected places. Tho following incident shows how strongly is the joker’s instinct in him. A friend once took him to see a very beautiful and valuable piece of sculpture. It represented a young woman coiling up her hair, and the workmanship was such that the owner’s other companions stood openmouthed in admiration. ''Well,” said the host, turning to Mark Twain for his verdict, “AVliat do you think of it? Grand, isn’t it?” “Yes, it’s very pretty,” said Mark, “but it’s not true to nature.” “Why not?” ( inquired someone in~ surprise. “She ought to have her mouth full of hairpins,” said the humorist gravely. Indeed, the author of “A Tramp Abroad” was a wit even before lie left tho nursery, and he was a continual source of amusement to his parents and their friends. One morning liis father led him into the garden, and pointing to a. bed of iloAvers that- had a considerable number of weeds in it said: “I want- you to weed out this flower-bed.” The future author examined the bed in silence for a moment, and the more he looked at it the bigger it seemed to grow. It appeared that he had never seen so' many weeds in his life before. Turning to his parent he innocently (?) inquired. “Wouldn’t it be better, father, to flower out the weed-bed?” One day Mark was in. a- billiard saloon when a. particularly unprepos-sessing-looking man approached him and' asked him to play a game. The humorist consented and they began in earnest. “I’ll be perfectly fair with you,” said the stranger. “I’ll play you left- handed.” “I felt hurt,” says Mark Twain, when ho tells tho story, “'for he was cross-eyed, freckled, and had red hair, so I determined to teach him a lesson for liis audacity. He Avon the first shot and ran clean out, taking my half-dollar, and all I got Av>as the opportunity to chalk my cue.” The Avonderful play of his opponent so astonished Mark that he exclaimd: “By jove, if you can play like that with your left /and I’d like to see you play Avith your right.” “I can't,” replied the stranger as lio sidled out of the room; “you see, I’m left-handed.”

Although he is a Bohemian of Bohemians, Mark Twain lias a great capacity for business, and a short time ago lie Avas telling a brother Avriter, in his own inimitable way, dhe secret of his financial success. “My early difficulties taught me some thrift,” faiid Mark; “but I never knew whether it Avas Aviser to spend my last cent.for a cigar to smoke or for an apple to devour.” “I am astonished,” observed .his friend, “that a person with so little decision should have met Avith so much worldly success.” Mark Twain nodded his head gravely. “Indecision about spending money/- ’he said', “is Avorthy of cultivation. When I couldn’t decide what to buy Avith iny last cent I kept it, and so became rich.” The humorist relates a remarkable experience that once befel him in Australia, Avhich, he says, determined him never again to judge by appearances. He had just landed at a n Australian port, and to his chagrin there was no porter in sight to cany his luggage. Seeing a rough-looking, badly-dressed old fellow leaning idly against a post with. liis hands in his pockets, ho said : “See here, if you’ll carry these bags up to the hotel I’ll give you half .a dollar.” The man scowled darkly, and taking three or four golden sovereigns from liis 'pocket, he deliberately threw them into the sea, scowled at Mark Twain*again, and Avalked array Avithout a word.