Page 1 Advertisements Column 7

Gisborne Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2011, 21 February 1907, Page 1

AMERICAN CAPITALISTS. A San Francisco paper has the following humorous remarks concerning capitalists:— Joseph cornered all the wheat, Good boy, Joseph! People simply have to eat, Good boy, Joseph! li you’re hungry, bring your muu; Gee! Philanthropy is fun— When you’ve got the people s skuu, Good boy, Joseph! —Poeantica Psalnilets.

John G. Shoekafeller was born without wisdom tooth, but soon manuged to cut them on a ring, and since then Jig lias never been without a ring —always within. ■ While other boys born at the same timo were spending their days m boing young, John G. Shockaiellcr was making money. Ho had no youth, which is a pleasant thing to remember, but a poor thing to offer as security for a loan. No one over called John G. Shockfoller by any such wastrel name as “Jack” ; lie was always addressed by the name affixed to Ins cheques. Even his nurse, before he fired her as a non-producing laborer, called her charge John G. Shoclcafoller. • It would be impossible to tell within the limits of a short sketch how John G. Shoekafeller got his money. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be nolitc. Enough that he got so much that ho founded a university in a western town, and has since indulged largely in the dissipation of feeding the institution. . ' . _ Almost at the same time John G. Shoekafeller became recognised as a “menace to the Republic,” he became bald, and took to golf. Exposure followed upon the first, a wig upon the second, and a strain on religious training on the third. Exposed, John G. fehockafellei had reached a high pinnacle upon the mountain of success. A cell seemed a possibility—the crowning glory of a financier, the visible token that lie has been successful. But John G. Shoekafeller was modest. He didn t want a cell when others more worthy had been denied it. So he told his son to say ho didn’t know where lie was, and to square himself by teaching others not to lie, and then lnd away from the public. Golf‘is now John G. Shoekafeller s favorite game. He can’t play it, and so gets the other fellow in the hole, when he smiles like an adding-mach-ine. An envious man of moderate means recently remarked that millionaires seldom smile. The falsity of this is easy to prove. Go up to John G. Shoekafeller and quietly whisper in his ear “Rebate.” Thou pipe the grin.

Cows which have aborted, or healthy animals which, after calving, retain the whole or part of the afterbirth, should first be drenched with Sykes’s Drench. This allays the fever and purifies the blood. Sold everywhere. Sykes’s Drench, Is 6d. Sykes’s Animal Abortion Cure, 2s 6d. STUBBORN AS A MULE. A bad cough is more stubborn than a mule, and, if the right method is not used, it is more difficult to conquer. Dr. Sheldon’s New' Discovery for Coughs, Colds, and Consumption conquers the most stubborn cases. It is a safe and certain remedy for coughs, colds, and all lung troubles. Small dose. Pleasant to take. Every bottle guaranteed. For sale by A. W. J. Mann, Agent, Chemist. STOP IT! A neglected cough or cold may lead to serious bronchial or lung troubles. Don’t take chances, for Dr. Sheldon’s New Discovery for Coughs, Colds and Consumption affords perfect security from serious effects of a cold. Small dose. Pleasant to take. Every hottle guaranteed- For sale by A. IV. J. Mann, Agent, Chemist.

RIGHT AWAY For anythng in tho MOVING Line, consult, REDSTONE AND SONS, LIVERY STABLE KEEPERS, LOWE STREET, GISBORNE. Our Mail Coaches leave as under:— For East Coast Townships, to Walpiro Bay—Every Monday and Thursday, returning Tuesday and Friday, For Morere Springs and Wairoa— Every Monday, returning Friday. For Tiniroto, Frasertown, and Wairoa—Every Tuesday, and returning Friday. BUS TIME-TABLE. tGoes to and from Freezing Works 1 Gates via Lytton Road. Our Carriage Plan is "Unsurpassed in the oolony, and wo can supply you with the most reliable of Hacks. We make a Speciality of Wedding and Picnic Parties. HORSE FEED.—If you want your horso well fed, you cannot do bettor than go to Redstone’s. EXCELLENT PADDOCKING.

CASSIDY’S ROYAL MAIL COACHES. Te Ivaraka and Motu twice a Week. y T. CASSIDY’S Mail Coach i leaves for Motu every Tuesday and Friday at 7.30 a.m., returning ihe following da J. LIVEHY AND BAIT STABLES Saddle Horses and all classes of Vehicles on shortest notice. Letters and Telegrams promptly at tended to. Horses Broken into single cud double harness as per arrangement. J. T. CASSIDY, Coach Proprietor, To Karaka POST CARDS. Photos, of yourself, Children’s Photos., etc., on Post Cards at 5s a dozen. Call gnd see Samples. THE ELLERBECK STUDIO, PHOTOS, of all descriptions from os a dozen, and upwards to suit all tastes. The host of work done in all classes of work. No work left to unskilled assistants. 2 doors from Grey Street. Telephone, 239.