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Gisborne Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2010, 20 February 1907, Page 3

The Wairarapa Times is not taking kindly to some phases of the Labor laws, and sarcastically comments : —- The Conciliation Hoard met in Masterton “and two little cherubs sat up aloft to keep watch for the life of poor Jack.” “Poor Jack” is an up-country printer, who now and again leaves his case to run a machine. At present he belongs, body and soul ,to the Typographical Union; but now the Machinists’ Union has come forward and claimed Jioor Jack as its own. The visit of the Conciliation Roald is to arrange as to how much of poor Jack belongs to the Typographical Union, and wliat portion of his anatomy is the exclusive property of the Machinists’ Union. At the outset a jirotest was lodged which seemed to undermine the Arbitration Act altogether. A local Guy Fawkes suggested that, as poor Jack at present belonged to the Typographical Union, that body ought to have been cited in the proceedings. The Court showed signs of collapse, hut pulled itself together, and reserved this point “sine die.” The Machinists’ Union then formerly put in its claim for poor Jack, or just as much of him as it could get. It was, as it were, suggested that the Machinists might take one arm and the Typographists the other arm of poor Jack, and so settle the matter this way. Unfortunately, it was found that the Machinists had one set of holidays, and the Typographists another set; so that, say on Anniversary Day, one of poor aims might be enjoying itself in 'Wellington, while the other arm was doing its day’s work at Ekctaliuna 01 Paliiatua. Then, again, who was to have the right arm—the Typographists or the Machinists? Ihe right arm is clearly the more valuable member! Should the prior ownership of the Typographists be recognised, or the new claim of illo Machinists be conceded? But then the Typographical Union was not represented Til the Court, and, for all that was known to the contrary, this greedy corporation might hold on to both arms. It is felt that Mr O'Regan, the courteous and capable Chairman of the Conciliation Hoard, will find somo means of solving a difficulty which, at first blush, appears to be an appalling conundrum. The Hon. Jimmy Carroll tolls a good one. There was once a number of persons, including several Maoris, travelling from Nelson across to Motueka on a moonlight night. Old Charley was the skipper, and as soon as he got outside the Boulder Bank, he called one of the deck hands to take the wheel, pulled out his 1 ticket book, and went the round of the deck collecting the fares. All went well until he tackled the Maoris. “ Return ticket?” he asked of one old fellow. “Yell,” replied the native. “Five bob,” said Charlie. “Ho, Mitter Moon pay youj” said the Maori looking at Luna, gleaming in the heavens. Havens no time for humbug, and thinking it wag only a joke, ho passed on to the next Maori, who also said that “Mitter Moon” would pay. “Dash the moon!” said Charlie vehemently. “No, no, Mitter Moon pay,” said one Maori after the other, until Charlie got disgusted. Meanwhile Motueka was close at hand, and still ho had been unable to collect a Maori fare, and when the heat got alongside the wharf, they all went ashore, and Charlie felt a fool. Next day down ambled ail aged Maori, and said to Charlie: “You te kapitin?” “Yes.” “Mo, Mitter Moon,” and with that he hauled out a roll of notes anil paid the fares of the mooney natives, to Charlie’s great wonder and delight. Not long ago the Hon. James was making the trip on Charlie’s boat, and was enjoying a game of “rickety” by moonlight, when he came around to collect the fares. “Want return ticket?” “Yes.” “Five bob!” “Oh,' Mitter Moon pay, said the Minister, and Charlie laughed so much that the steamer went astern and grazed on a Maori joke that had been’ lost overboard at the time of Captain Cook’s visit.—Wellington Lance. In “Merrie England.”—Two outcasts, sick and hungry, broke a window so as to get to gaol. They got there —u years' each. A society woman, who, while under the influence of absyntlie, flogged a kitchen maid on the bare bacL With a wire toasting fork until sh. fainted, was fined £5! Same day, same court-,