“BULLS AND BLUNDERS.”

Gisborne Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2002, 11 February 1907, Page 3

“BULLS AND BLUNDERS.”

In an amusing volume (published by Gay and Bird, London), Mr Marshall Brown lias collected an inimitable series of absurd stories. Ireland, of course, is responsible for a good deal of the unconscious humour, as, for instance: “Lost, near Tipperary, on or about Tuesday morning last, a large pig. Had no marks on his ears except a short tail, and a slight limp in one leg.” Or again: “’Tintion!” exclaimed a sergeant to his platoon; “fron face, and ’tind to roll-call. As many as is jiresent will say ‘Here!’ and as many as is not present will say ‘Absent!’ ” Gr yet again, this pathetic plea of an Irish attorney, defending a prisoner : “Gentleman of the jury,’ think of his poor mother—lll’s only mother !” But Ireland is not the only jigmaker in Mr Brown’s company. This seems to hail from America : “Judge: ‘One year and 50dols. fine.’ -“Prisoner’s Lawyer: ‘I would like to make a motion to have that sentence reversed.’ “Judge: ‘All right. Fifty years, and one dollar fine.’” And the following from the Far West, where a negro preacher begins his discourse : “I take my tex dis morning from dat potion ob de Scriptures whar de Postal Paid pints his pistol to de Pesions.” And also thus : “And now let us pray for the people on the uninhabited portions of the earth.” But the following is an example to all English compositors of the importance of punctuation:; — “A compositor in setting up the toast, Woman; without her, man would be a savage,” put the comma in the wrong place, making the sentence read, “Woman, without her man, would he a savage.” While the omission of another comma after the word apoplexy played havoc with tlie following report : “Deceased came to his death by excessive drinking, producing apoplexy in tlie minds of the jury.” Finally, this scintillation of editorial humor may well have helped the editor through a tiring day : “Dear Sir, —Please inform a constant reader how to cure bunions in to-day’s issue.” ; “There are no bunions in to-day s issue, nor in yesterday, nor in to-mor-row’s, nor in any that is to come, anu were you a careful as well as a constant reader vou would have grasped this fact without being told.”