THE POLYGLOT PAPERS.

Gisborne Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1548, 2 September 1905, Page 3

THE POLYGLOT PAPERS.

(By Alpha.) “ A ohlel's amang ye takin' notes, An’ faith ho'll print them." With a graceful and dignified genu flexion, aa becometh a profoundly didactic sago when accosting that many-hoado quantum known to all history “ nd world as tho general publio, 1 to^‘! h introduce, first, myself, and next, tho subsequent lueubrationsjwhich genius or some thing else may happen to inspire. Ladies and gontlomon of all grades, 1 salute you I It is matter for congratulation that my advent in those columns Is signalised by tho ratification of peace between thore bang-away, blood-and-thunder belligerents, Russia and Japan. Tho Muscovite is ohuokling over what ho is pieased to term " a diplomatic viotory," but—and that is a Japanese “ but”—the wily Httjo brown , man, who has floored Russia in every sodmDQQgß| and whoso unßuspootod prow* ess has set tho world agapo with astonishment, is not very likely to bo on the wrong side of the ledger in tho diplomatic settlement of terms. Russia is at all times blatant, and is over boasting of gaining viotorles that have a most unhappy knaok of transforming Ihemsolvos into defeats ; while, on the other band, tho little Jap* 8 i like myself, modest and astute, and after sending tho giant limping out of his stolen Port Arthur domicile, sweeping him on the seas, soampering him out of Liaotung, harrying him through Manohuria, and giving him " beaDs" and particular whatfor through tho whole sanguinary drama, well—our pluoky and shrewd little ally will bo careful to occupy no second place in a diplomatic encounter; when the dipI lomatio budget is fully unfolded, Jap the ■ Giant-Killer will still be found serenely j seoring number one. • He's a clever little, cunning little ohap, j Dp to every leary triok on land or sea, And, with all his bounoe and blow •' Johnny Russ oould never show l Half the gumption of this tiny Japanoee. ■ ] However, peace has silenoed the wsr j guns and stopped the slaughter, whereat the world draws a long breath of relief, j and thankfully murmurs “ Benedeoite.” q

And yet there is war! Over here in I Gisborne there is a mighty oonfliot of I opinion being waged. The first brigade of I letter writers are drawn np in battle array, I and with olenohed teeth and stern visages are firing off their literary Maxims and howitzera through the iooal press columns. The Haiti shore, the beach, Gladstone road, the Council Chamber, and, in faoi, the whole town are beiog bombardod with a battle-storm.of “ Words, words, words! " all about—the Monument! It’s more than enough to rcoall Captain Cook, without the aid of a medium, to authoritatively settle the future destiDy of his marble effigy. It’s more than enough to make tbs monument itself indignantly rear on j end, skip over to the soeno of the turbulent wordy oombat and silence the olamour by sternly planting itself on a self-chosen site in grim and stolid rebuke of the hubbub 1 There never was a monument whose advent was heralded with greater argumentative vOoiferations. I deeply sympathise with Mayor Townley. It’s a bewildering business for him, and a sore trial on I bis geniality and official dignity. If this verbal sharpshooting goes on, tbo original purpose of this most unfortunate mono- I ment will be forgotten, and it will ultimately stand as a memorial of one of the I most fiercely reverberating yah-yah hakas that was ever enacted on Maori soil or outside of—Bedlam I “ Cease firing,” combatants all; and in the name of our great discoverer settle the question by drawing straws, calling a referendum, or spinning a coin. - Anything for peaoe 1

A biograpb, or better still, an autobiography of Premier Seddon’s politioal oareer will no doubt loom large as a bulky and choice volume in the political history of this favored land, and future young New Zealanders will peruse the pages thereof with a throbbing desire to emulate the patient, plodding, untiring genius of the factory lad who beoame .Premier. It is a “ far cry ” from clogs and corduroys to a Premiership, but, presto 1 that pieoe of invisibly revolving meohanism yclept "the whirligig of time,” has accomplished the magical change, and to-day, and for twelve years past, the once obaoure youth of St. Helens is and has been “ a leader of Cabinets, and chief counsellor of vice-regal Statß.” There’s a big moral to be deduced from all this. Some people say that “ life, as well as,marriage, is a lottery.’ 1 Query 1 Chance or accident, has sometimes pitobforked men into prominent positions, but in all cases where they laoked the qualifications for retaining their foothold, thsy came down with a swift run that in many instances terminated in a heavy thud of failure. Our own 11 King Diok,” though, ranks as one of the brilliant receptions to these flash-in-the-pan and now forgotten celebrities. For a dozen years he has guided our political destinies, a living politioal Gibraltar whioh no foroe of opposition oould. move, and he has more than earned his right to stand Bide by side with the Roosevelts, Garfißlds, Lincolns, Ashworths, and others of that ilk, constituting the distinguished aristocracy of grit, gumption, and go, olassioally styled genius, the only aristocracy that is useful as well as ornamental. A history of 'New Zealand without the name and distinguished deeds of Seddon in it, would, to quote a muoh-haokneyed comparison, be “ like the play of Hamlet with the prinoe of Denmark left out.” Mr Seddon, of oourse, has his opponents like all great men, but in fizzing around to supplant him with another Joseph, it is more than probable that those same op* ponents would need to go very much iurther and fare very muah worse.

And what of the vouoher trouble ? " Those, youthful and ardent aspirants to political fame, Messrs Fisher and Co., have been performing a _ very pretty, though anything but edifying fandango after a will-o’-the wisp that has left them boggling in the embarrassments of an unpleasant notoriety, instead of leading them up she glory-gilded steps of herolo fame. Aohl After all the. rooting and mole-like burrowing among pigeon-holed records, only to alight on a mare’s nest labelled Sneddon instead of Seddon. How can the blunder be remedied, and the credit of the it New Liberal Party ”bB saved ? Thusly most sapient young scions of a Peeping Tom democracy* marshal your formidable forces of four in solid phalanx forthwith, and with Japlike do-or-dieism, table a motion of censure on Premier Seddon for not having the letter “n ” in his name I; and insist, with hot and fiery declamation, that lb is an outrage on all your hopeful aspirations, that his name should be destitute of that now preoious little letter I Failing that, the only other alternative I can suggest is to find out the misleading, “Sneddon” and mercilessly pillory him for daring to inherit a oognomen so lik6, yet so different to the ruio of your fondest hopeß l But, after all, the best hint tha could be given to the “New Liberal ’ Party ” is to subside into quietness ana , endeavor to make themselves honpstiy , useful.