LANCE ITEMS.

Gisborne Times, Volume XII, Issue 1081, 24 December 1903, Page 4

LANCE ITEMS.

Dear old Britain still lags behind. She has refused to admit ladies to practise as barristers. There is no precedent. She can’t move without precedent. Maoris living near “ Tapu ” ground—cemeteries and tho like —have been forced to use “ picquets ” to protect the sacred grounds from the soulless white vandals, Tho 11 base ” coins, a scare about which has been started and kept going by the prose, turn out to be perfectly good, but a new issue. The scare is, therefore, “ off.” Tho Bev. W. Tbomsou absolutely refreshes us by his convoyed assertion that Wellington’s murals are not quite so black as the Minister's Association bad alleged. The name of tho poor woman with nine children, who usually draws tho winner of tho Melbourne Cup in Tattersail’s sweeps has not been announced so far.

Many foreigners, anxious to learn the English language, are looking for domestic service in New Zealand. The average housewife will be able to teach the language. In response to demands for a song from a president of a Southern Agricultural and Pastoral Association, that gentleman recited the immortal 11 Mary had a little lamb.”

Illustrated post-cards picturing “The Drunkard’s Doom,” ‘‘Death in the Bottle,” “ The Hum Devil,” etc,, are bein" diligently circulated as Christmas cards in this happy country. There is still a great rush for billets in this happy country. One single man recently offered to got married if he got a billet as bath attendant, a married man being required. He got it. Christchurch Library, endowed to the tuno of £'looo a year, bogged Carnegie for funds. Carnegie didn't rise to the bait. New Zealand is getting an unenviable reputation for cadgrng, Australia is getting noted for original suicides. A man at C-obar wrote a note saying that bo hated to give trouble. Ho then wandered into tho morgue, sat on the slab, and blew his brains out. The aged Dr Bakeweli, of Auckland, who recently, according to himself, “ unfortunately recovered ” from an illness, is vory much iu evidence again. Ha has written a learned paper on the “ Wages of French workmen.”

All theatrical ventures in New' Zealand a o not paying very well.' A belated company wired to a country town recently saying it couldn’t come. “ lie turn money to audience.” Reply : “We have already returned his money.”

Drinking does not make a man fat. It frequently makes him lean—agaiust a wall.

Tho most amazing Australian proposition to raise public funds D to put a £5 tax on Js.P. It would raise £50,000 a year. The Ministers’ Association will be pained to bear that a record consignment of whisky has come to Wollington from Scotland. Ob, those morals 1