FREE LANCE ITEMS.

Gisborne Times, Volume IX, Issue 887, 11 May 1903, Page 1

FREE LANCE ITEMS.

A witness in an Arbitration Court case, down South, was being questioned as to tho “ various reasons ” ho had for leaving his employ. One of tho reasons was that he was “ sacked.”

Publicans down Christchurch way are retrenching. Whore once tho brilliant incandescent light flashed are now candles. One barman sorves the pellucid pint with the aid of a candlo inserted in a bottle.

A Southern Magistrate was recently annoyed at tho non-appearance of a defendant in a slander case. A detective explained that the slandered gentleman was in gaol. Tho Bench did not order him to appear.

Now Zealand nurses who served in the war receive a gratuity of £3 10s each. It will come in handy for stamps to reply to letters of proposal from patients. Most nurses averaged about fifty while in Africa.

A Home paper has the startling statement that a glass bicyclo is a reality, and a sample can now “be seen scorching through the streots of a town called Wellington, in New Zealand, Doesn’t it “ break you up ? ” A extremely prominent country gentleman, who became ill at a banquet recently, was suffering from “ locomotor ataxia.” In tho days beforo he was extremoly prominont they used to spell his complaint with five lottors. A man charged with assault, at the Wellington Polico Court, tho other morning asked the usual questions as to whether he was guilty or not guilty, said he was sorry, but ho could not tell until he had heard tho evidence. A man, who was fined about 30s for allowing gorse to grow on a road, could have been fined £92. What an immense revenuo might bo raised if somoono was fined at this rate for allowing noxious weeds to grow on Crown lands! Fish arc scarce in Wellington waters. Anglers arc keen on llic sport in Raglan, but they, use their catches for manure.

it fed i cal men are proverbially short lived. Jean David, a French physician, is just at present looking down Uie vista of his 103rd yean One of the strongest men in Wellington lias gained his title to that distinction without the aid of Sandow. llis favorite vegetables are onions.

The fact that a policeman visited his country home the other day caused the local paper to chronicle his arrival as a “ distinguished visitor.” Quite a host of ex-soldiers are rushing into print, claiming to have been with Macdonald at Amajuba Hill. The said engagement isn’tquite the subject for heroics. A Taranaki Councillor remarked recently : “ There is too much brains in this Council. What 'is wanted is more sinew.” How would draught horses till Iho hill ? According to the War Office, the position in Somaliland is not serious. Was this decision arrived at before or after dinner, far from the veil of the coffee-colored fanatic? An Eketalinna sellier has been forced to eradicate a broom hedge under the Noxious Weeds Act. It was his

25-year-old method of coping Witli river encroachment. A country paper informs its readers that 11 Captain Hurst, of the barque Castle Holmes, which is suffering from pneumonia, etc.,” is in hospital. There is a patent slip here somewhere. A miner, who fell down a sliatt on the West Coast, and dislocated his shoulder, is all right again. On arriving homo, lie fell downstairs and put it 'in again, Truthful .James tells us so. An Australian dentist. 1 down on Ms luck,” is advertising for sale ‘ a genuine molar, extracted by me from the Duke of York's mouth.” He asks but £250 for this specimen ol his

“ crown ” work. . , Wellington men arc a gallant band.At- tlie Saturday night’s performance of .. sthcrlock Holmes.” scores Ol “ nature's gentlemen ” relinquished their ■“ early door ” scats in favor of ladies who arrived late. The big mat in front oi the p ; t entrance to the Wellington Opera House is coming in for some abuse. On Saturday night, recently, a gentleman at the head oi the crowd tripped over it a,,d fell. Twenty oilier pushing pit-

tites followed suit. . An Auckland firm advertised for six weeks for a boy, ‘‘ shorthand and typewriting preferred. 7s bd a week. The only applicant was a Clistian Chinaman, newly arrived from Singapore. He was duly installed. The most wounded old soldier England had. recently died, in the person of Matthew Wagg. IJis injuries numbered seventeen, hut the biggest wound was probably that his grateful country let him die in the work-

house. , , , One's sympathies cannot help going out to the people who dcpulationiscd the Premier to stop the class-tiring volunteers front shooting on Sunday. They might petition the War Office to knock ofi shooting in Somaliland on the Sabbath, Even the sinless Boers did some' high class ’-'-bring on tlwi sacred day.