Page 4 Advertisements Column 4

Gisborne Times, Volume IX, Issue 814, 31 January 1903, Page 4

We guarantee our Teas better value, better grade than any sold. fiELSOiS EVEN WHEN TEAS ARE SAID TO BE JUST AS GOOD AS COMPARE OUR 2/- CHAMPION WITH ANY IMPORTED IN PACKETS AND SOLD AT PENCE ft MORE MONEY MOATE & Co.’s, !-«• WHY BUY THEM?

Continued from page o. j adamant. Statesmen, commercial mag- j nates, millionaires, received would be, but mere nonentities he won’t, on any pretext, see. Should you a situafon seek, King Jo-Jo would suggest that to his Private Typist your address should be addressed. Jim-Jam, the Keeper of his purse, sees, at the King’s desire, to hiring all such servants as he may at times t" Quire. So if it is a place you want, attend at the Hotel not later, please, than 9 a.m. and rmg the tradesmen’s bell. There, that, I think, will amply serve its end. And simply petrify our pushful friend. And so the clever paUer proceeds to the supposed discomfiture of Mr

Seddon, than whom no one will enjoy it, better. The satirist makes Kins Jo-Jo say that Mr .Seddon once spoke of him as Brudder Bones, and thus the bombshell is prepared. Scene 3 is laid in the Conference room at the Colonial Ollice, the Colonial Premiers sitting round a table, and Mr • Chamberlain occupying a throne on a dais. The proceedings are interrupted by the arrival of a letter —King Jo-Jo’s —for Mr Seddon, who has no sooner read it than lie “ turns ghastly pale, starts to his feet, staggers, clutches his chair-back, an-J with a suppressed moan falls on the Poor in a dead faint, the letter floating from his hand to 1 the ground.” lie is carried out of the room ny his messengers, followed by bis Australian colleagues. During their absence Mr Chamberlain reads

King Jo-Jo's letter, “ and, acutely appreciating its meaning, finds it hard to suppress a chuckle. His amusement excites the indignation of the Premiers as they return, and they ask what tidings the letter contained. “ Say, liave the Maoris a revolt devised ? Have more Pink Terraces heel’, pulverised ? Is frozen mutton down again V: Mr Chamberlain remarking that : “ The chances are we soon shall hear anon ‘Twas want of luncheon brought this faintness on.” Me announces in a Jouti voice that he will read the letter Lo them. There-

upon, Mr ocddon, dripping wet—sonic one has revived him by bhrawing a huclieii of water over him—and generally dishevelled, rushes in and claims the letter as private.. When he. reaches his hotel, Ihe sentries go through, ill! the movements, hut Richard is angry and orders them to drop that foolery. There is a clatter ; I owls are brought, and I lie sentry proceeds to “ rub the '[Honest Richard ’ down.” Then the latter explains,ami adds : “There!, that’s the treatment I have had to hear ! How ought 1 now to deal with the affair

“ Tompkins ” suggests that Mi: Scddon shall demand his ticket,, ami go straight Home, a course of action which Mr Scddon scouts. “ ‘ Jec swec . Jec rest !’ If anyone goes back I would suggest they send away the black.” Ollier individuals, McM lingo and the O’Mulligan, advise Mr Seddoe. to bring the matter before the House and the King, to write to the Times, to “ call the dusky Haggard oni.” Finally Tompkins suggests that Mr Chamberlain should take up the affair. “ Honest Dick 1 ” jumps at the idea, and is left writing a vol. ominous letter to the Colonial Secretary as the scene closes.

Scene 5 discloses a meeting of the Cabinet, at which Mr Chamberlain announces that: “ A most momentous case awaits decision. King Jo-Jo, as you know, witii marked derision, I-las that portentous bore Dick .Seddon. treated; And now the latter lias in tones most healed Called upon me to lay the case before you.” lie proceeds to read the letter, “ three whole foolscap pages,” and the Cabinet decides to leave the matter in his hands, confident that in

some way he will “ save the face of the blustering Seddon.” In Scene (>, Mr Chamberlain relates to Mr Balfour how he managed the affair, as follows Mr Joseph : I rally learned the end of it to-day. Well, first of all, the next time I saw Dick I laid the butter on a litllc thick—' Told him how 1 lamented, for his sake, That Jo-Jo’d made so silly a mistake. “ That he should not have known your name,:’ said I,

“ Was inexcusable, I don’t deny. Still, as he could, of course, have had no animus ; I hope, sir, you will show yourself magnanimous.” “Tel! me,” he answered, how it’s to Imj done ” ; And then I Anew my victory was won. “ Jo-Jo,” said I, “ by. what Ira wrote to you, Proved that he nothing of your history Anew. Then lie it yours this ignorance to dissipate— Let him in what the Empire Allows participate ; Teli him about your wonderful career As squatter, Labor Member, engineer; Describe your feats in commerce and finance ;

Lei liiju at you in all your phases glance — As hanker, sailor, soldier, politician, Law-maker, miner, courtier, rhetorician ! YVeIJ, not to .weary you, before iie went I’d smoothed him down, and lie was quite content. “ Don’t call on Jo-Jo !”• I advised him, lie Too great a compliment in that might

But semi your Memoirs, as I’ve said before, Amt let him over your strange history pore. He thought- my plans as good as good could be ; And, adding he at once would start his staff Upon a comprehensive monograph. “Make it quite full,” said I.’" He vowed he would, As copious and as exhaustive as he could. Mr Balfour : Yes ; that you may be certain it will be ; All who know Seddou will in ,-that agree. Mr Joseph : And they’d he right. Two days later, .Mr Chamberlain received the manuscript, “ a monster package,” The clever foolery continues, Mr Chamberlain being made to show how the parcel oi Memoirs was duly forwarded. The Premier should enjoy the satire ia such a, widely-read paper as Truth.