TO RELIEVE THE MONOTONY

Gisborne Times, Volume V, Issue 79, 10 April 1901, Page 1

TO RELIEVE THE MONOTONY

(Contributed.) If the reader has ever suffered from “ Tired Thoughts,” he or she will understand and possibly appreciate the heading. The shortest sermon ever preached was delivered some years ago by an actor, who, being stranded through an accident, was asked in an English country town to deliver a sermon. After due consideration, he agreed to do so, and selected as his text, “ Man is born into the world as the sparks fly upwards.” He proceeded to divide his discourse under three headings : —Man’s ingress, man’s progress, and man’s egress, and this was how he did it:—“ Man is born into the world naked and bare ; his progress through the world is with trouble aid care, and his egress —-nobody knows where.” He may have been a clever actor, but his theological study would possibly not have suited some of pur present-day mentors. “ How are you off for grub ?” asked No. lof No. 2. “ Stony,” was the brief reply, “and hollow as a drum.” “ Come along, aud let us have a good square meal,” and they adjourned into the nearest restaurant, No. 1 directing the proceedings, having first instructed his friend as to the procedure to be observed. It was this: No. 2 had to sit at one table, No. 1 at another. The former, on completion of his meal, according to pre : arranged code, held up his hand, and pointing to No. l,said, “He will pay.” No. 1 held up his hand also, as if admitting the responsibility. This seemed so far satisfactory, until he in turn desired to leave: but here the trouble commenced. “ Two shillings, sir, please,” said the waiter, “What!” in most indignant tones, “My friend, who sat over there, paid you.” “He did nothing of the sort,” came back quickly, “ and I want the money.” “ Well, I'll have to call in again, as I’m short of change.” The waiter, who was a miniature Jim Jeffries, took out what he reckoned was tlje amount dqe, but the recipient of his attentions finds change advisable—he sits now first on one side and next on the other. . - An old identity, well-known and respected, and who claims to be an American citizen, came to grief the other day on the asphalted footpath. Being equal to the occasion, he resumed Mazeppa like the upright attitude of Freedom and of Man, but he was heard to murmur, “ I don’t mind the ‘ pitfalls ’ of life, but these banana skin falls w|ll kill me some day.”