HUMOUR ..More or Less

Gisborne Herald, Volume LXVI, Issue 20094, 14 November 1939, Page 2

HUMOUR ..More or Less

His Only Chance Doctor—Yes, Mrs. Jones, your husband's nerves are in a pretty bad state. Mrs. Jones —What can I do about it, doctor? Doctor—Travel, both of you. Mrs. Jones —Where do you recommend? Doctor —In two different directions. Not To Be Outdone The story goes that Andrew Lang, essayist and historian, wrote to Israel Zangwill, the novelist, asking him to take part in an author’s reading for the benefit of a charity. He received in reply the following laconic message: “If A. Lang will—l. Zangwill.” How Could lie Tell? It happened in a tramear. The occupants were a newly-married couple and a navvy. The tram jerked violently and the navvy said “Damm.” Up jumped the young husband. “How dare you say ‘dam’ before my wife,” he thundered. “How did I know she wanted to say it first?” retorted the navvy. Oil the Lighter Side “Harry: ‘You don’t! call yourself as good a fisherman as Jones, do you?’ “Tom: 'Course not. Look at the long arms he’s got for describing his catches.’ ” Pass The Plate An amusing story is told in Lady Frances Balfour’s Life of the late General Booth. Once when addressing a huge audience, the officers, fearing the general would net be heard, began to close the windows of the hall. Half were shut, when, peremptorily, fie bade the officers stop. “Don’t suffocate them till the collection. is taken!” said the general. Saint or Sinner “And what does your father call the baby?” “It all depends on whether he’s howling or not!” Bits of Fun “After one of Alice's naughty periods, her mother said that, instead of punishing her again, she thought she would have to get a good little girl in her place. Alice started laughing, and when asked why, replied, ‘Yoii can’t do that, ’cause no lady would swap you a good little girl to get a worser!' ” —Exchange. “Cheery Friend (to returned angler): ‘Caught anything, old man?’ “Angler (gloomily): ‘Caught anything, indeed! Caught the 9.15 there and the (>..‘10 back —caught in a storm —caught cold —and I shall catch it when I get back home.’ ” —Graphic Arts Monthly. » * * » “Jim: ’I have an idea.’ “Jim’s Sister: ‘Be good to it, .Tim. It’s in a strange place.’” —Christian Advocate. “‘My husband is an efficiency expert in a large office.' “ ‘What docs an efficiency expert do?’ “ ‘Well, if wo women did it, they'd call it nagging!' ’’ Changed Again , Guest: “Do you know the lady over there?” Hotel Manager: “Certainly. She is a film star, but just now I do not know her name.” “Does she come to this hotel often?” “Yes, every honeymoon.”