THE UNFORTUNATE EDITOR.

Greymouth Evening Star, Volume XXXI, 27 May 1901, Page 4

THE UNFORTUNATE EDITOR.

Being editor of a paper is a pleasant business. If it contains too much political news the subscribers won’t have it. If it contains too little they won’t have it. If it is large they say it takes up too much space and they don’t get value for their money. If he publishes telegraph reports folks say they are nothing but lies. If ho does not his production is voted a miserable rag. If he doesn’t admit jokes he is rattle-headed. If he doesn’t admit jokes he is a damned old fossil. If he publishes original matter ho is either an idiot or a gaspipe. If he does not, he is too lazy to live. If he gives a public man a complimentary notice he is crawling. If he does not ho is a one-sided skunk. If he attends church he is a hypocrite. If he does not, be is a freethinker and not fit to be received under the same roof as an honest man’s daughter If he remains in his office and attends to business; people complain of his unsociableness and stinking pride. If he goes out they say he never attends to business. If he goes to a public house with a friend he is a drunkard and ought to be ashamed of himself. If he doesn’t drink he is as mean as the rejected dinner of a full grown tom-cat. If he bills his subscribers they stop the paper. If lie doesn’t hill them they aver that they can’t get a squaring up, that they never know how they stand, that he is trying to “ have ” them and that he has no more idea of business than he has a chance of getting to Heifrren. If he writes a local they growl that everybody knew all about the matter before he did. If he does not put in locals they ask, “ What is the use of this paper ?” If he does not pay cash in advance for everything he gets he is not to be trusted. * If he pays like an honest man they say that ho “ stole the hoodie.” What is the poor devil to do ? —Exchange.