THE GREAT DESIDERATA.

Greymouth Evening Star, Volume XXXI, 7 May 1901, Page 3

THE GREAT DESIDERATA.

"The Genius of Liberty," said the editor of that newspaper, who was giving instructions to a newly engaged reporter, " prints facts, and facts only. The motto under which all our men work is, ' Facts, and More Facts.' Eemember that, Mr Figgs. Your first assignment will be to report the Briggs-Simpson wedding, at the Church of the Extended Invocation. You have just about time to get there and note the decorations before the ceremony commences."

" Yes, sir," said Mr Figgs, as he put his notebook and several pencils in his pockot, and left the room.

About an hour afterward the editor of the Genius of Liberty was observed to slam a bunch of manuscript down on his desk real hard, and then he said to the office boy, in a voice which he strove hard to control, " Tell Mr Figgs that I wish to see him immediately," Mr Figgs came.

" Did you write this ? " demanded the editor, indicating the manuscript by a backward flip of the tumb of his right hand.

Mr Figgs recognised his own handwriting, and admitted that he had written it.

"You don't drink to excess, Mr Figgs ? " " No, sir, I don't drink at all.'

" Are these symptoms of insanity in any member of your family ? " Mr Figgs replied in the negative. " Under these circumstances, then, Mr Figgs, I am utterly at a loss to understand how you came to turn in an account of a wedding such as I have here."

""What is the -matter with it sir?" asked Mr. Figgs, "who knew not in what he had offended.

" Matter with it ? repeated the editor. " I'll read a portion of it for you : " The marriage of Miss Adelina Simpson to Mr Delaney Briggs was solemnized last night at'the Church of the Evtended Invocation. The Eev. Dr. Thirdly read the beautiful and impressive service." That's all right so far. I'll skip the preliminaries. Let's see. Yes, here it is: ' The bride is only nineteen years of age, as the reporter ascertained by asking her parents,- but the age of the groom is placed at forty-six by those who know him best. As the wedded pair passed down the aisle after the ceremony the

disparity between their age was noticeable to all, and remarks similar to the following were heard on all sides: 'W by he's as bald as a billiard ball,' ' He's old enough to be her father,' ' She's to be an old man's darling,'and'How much did she sell herself for?'" The editor stopped reading, and looked at the reporter. " Now, Mr Figgs, I'd like to know what excuse you have had for this, and a good deal more in the same strain." " Your own instructions, sir," " My own instructions ?" gasped the editor.

" Yes, sir. You told me to get factsand more facts, and I got them." " Well, Mr. Figgs, you are too literal, but as this i 3 your first offence I'll give you another trial. Rewrito this article, and bear in mind that while it is the province of a newspaper to collect all the facts it is also its province to forget discreetly some of the facts."